


imagines/headcanon explorations - UNFINISHED TRASH

by enbied



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi: Next Class
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:18:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 71
Words: 47,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3112679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbied/pseuds/enbied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i know these are terrible, nonsensical and dubious!!!!!!!!! that's why they're here and not in a proper fic!!!!!!!!! let me live!!!!!!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They have their families over for a dinner party which Miles cares about just because it's important to Tris. It goes so great until Miles’ dad is super impolite and Miles’ mother gets pissed and makes him leave. The mood lightens up when Frankie gets up to fetch something from the kitchen and trips over her chair.

Tristan wakes up first on Christmas morning. He waits for Miles to wake up, happy just to lie next to him and watch his chest rising and falling. His sleeping figure is so vulnerable and calm. Tristan whispers "I love you", knowing he won't get a response, just feeling an overwhelming need to say it. Miles got him the perfect present - tickets to the musical he's been dying to see, but it was sold out. Miles used his connections, which Tristan secretly hates him doing, but to make up for it, he promised a date night at home playing a game he knows Tristan is better at, despite his competitive side. He’s so happy that Tris is happy.

They have a snowball fight and end up kissing and having a cute moment and then Tristan tackles Miles and they fall over and end up on the ground lying down next to each other in the snow just smiling and gazing at each other

Miles meeting Owen and talking about how he's not that into sports but knows a little about basketball and they end up getting on super well and Tris feels so warm inside that they each feel at ease with the other's siblings

Ugly matching jumpers Tris made them that he hates because they're far less fashionable than he intended them to be but Miles is so touched that he did that and he wears it around the house all the time. Tristan says it's his favourite piece of clothing to take off of Miles.


	2. :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these adorable idiots smh

“Miles…” Tristan sang, knocking on the frame of his open door.

The brunet looked up from his textbook and beamed at the sight of his boyfriend, quickly clambering off of his bed to greet him with a hug.

“Tris! What are you doing here?”

Obviously pleased at the reception of his surprise visit (as well as the fact that after the hug Miles' hands slid down his arms to loosely knit their fingers together), Tristan smiled and sighed, “I just missed you.”

They stood together in the doorway for a few seconds, just smiling at each other, until they realised that they were standing together in the doorway just smiling at each other, and simultaneously found it hilarious.

“Come in,” Miles laughed.  Tristan set down his bag and Miles abandoned his textbook on the floor.

The pair settled into their usual positions, Miles laying against his pillows and Tris snuggling up next to him, resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

"You could have just called, you know.”

“But then I wouldn’t be able to do this - ” Tristan finished the sentence by leaning up to briefly steal Miles’ lips, who was so delighted that he followed Tristan’s forward for a moment when he began to move away.

“Well, since you’ve come all this way, you might as well do it again…”


	3. Paintball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this is badly written but ?? i've been leaving and coming back to it for so long it no longer makes any sense to me. deal)
> 
> After Tristan pushes him back against the couch.

“Ow!” Miles hisses.  
“Miles, are you kidding me?” Tristan only just suppresses a giggle.  
“Hey, paintball does serious damage! I don't see your family going up against Chewy's extensive lineage.”  
Sigh.  
“Alright, take your shirt off.”  
“How forward of you.” Miles smirks, but complies anyway.

“I'm going to kiss it better.”  
“You're... going to...”  
“Kiss it better. You heard me.” Tristan was completely serious.  
Miles gives a nervous laugh.  
“Uh, Tris, that's –” but he was silenced by a finger to his lips.  
“Here's how we do this. You lie down and relax, and I kiss your boo-boos.”  
Miles looks at him with a mixture of confusion, surprise and amusement as if he’d just suggested they go tandem skydiving in bright pink jumpsuits.  
“You'll feel better, I promise.”

Miles raises his hands in surrender; Tristan straddles his boyfriend, careful to keep his weight on either side of the brunet.  
"Mmm, I like this so far. Although there is the lingering thought that my mom never kissed anything better."  
"I'm on top of you and you're thinking about your mom?"  
Tristan runs a hand down his side, surveying the damage, vibrant purple shapes forming on his Miles' torso.  
After learning down to press a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's lips, Tristan then moved to the first bruise on his neck, Miles' eyes fluttering closed from habit.

"Man, you got decimated out there," Tristan whispered against a pigmented spot between his collarbones, lips brushing against the tender skin with every word.  
"We won though."  
"I'm sure that's all down to Hunter."  
"Excuse you, I'm an excellent shot. Maybe I should show you sometime.  
"Maybe you should."  
"Hmm... how are you doing that? It actually feels better."

It seemed Tristan had run out of bruises as he was now trailing kisses down his partner’s stomach.  
"Where is this going?"  
"Where does it feel like it's going?”  
“Same place as it was before, I guess?”  
“I’ll be gentle,” Tristan spoke softly and winked up at his boyfriend.


	4. i hate myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (intro: tris is in the bathroom doing his hair rthen he just throws down his comb and straddles miles and takes his lips in a needy kiss blah blah)

“What are you doing?”

“Miles…”

“Tris, we have to go in two minutes.”

“We’ll make it quick then.”

“Babe.”

“Please, I want you, I need you.” he whined, pawing at Miles’ shirt collar.

“What made you so…”

“Horny?” he suggested, grinding his hips down into Miles’, eliciting a moan, then a sigh.

“Look, Tris, I don’t like making it quick. I like… drawing it out, and teasing you. Making - ah! - making you feel loved.”

“Okay, well that’s perfect sometimes, but right now I just want you to fuck me.”

Miles bit his lip, clearly turned on. “Don’t you think we’d be tired after?” he reasoned.

“I don’t care. It’s not like we haven’t been out after sex before.”

“As much as I want cum and lube dripping out my ass all day, I think it might cause some problems.”

“We’ve got condoms.”

“We’ve got eight seconds.”

“I could do it. You?”

“Fuck, I want to, I really do, but we can’t this time.”

Tristan pouted with his best puppy dog eyes, knowing Miles was rarely able to resist that particular expression.

“How about I make tonight really special instead?” Miles tempted. He stood and offered a hand to his boyfriend with a soft smile.

Tristan took it, considering, reluctant. “How special?”

Miles leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “You can do whatever you want with me.”

Tristan's eyes closed and he let out a shaky sigh.

Tristan peeled away and started back to his bedroom. "I have to change."

Miles' mouth fell open in a silent laugh. "Did you - ?"

"Don't!" Tristan held up a hand as he walked, leaving Miles to double over in hysterics.


	5. photoset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone should draw this because i tried but i'm rubbish

  * tris brushing his teeth and fixing his hair at the same time  

  * tris notices miles taking a photo  

  * tris flipping him off  

  * mirror shot of miles kissing toothpaste off the corner of tristan's mouth with the toothbrush still in  

  * tristan's like 'ew gross wtf'  

  * mirror shot of miles hugging his waist  

  * selfie of miles nuzzling into his cheek and toothpaste-less tris smiling uncontrollably




	6. tristan appreciation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a series of tweets about my baby tristan that i had to delete because i don't wanna be a five digit tweet kind of account

Tristan would be Frankie's hair stylist and take her to get her first radical hair dye. He'd be the first person she tells when she gets engaged.

Tristan would see opening night of every production Zoë's in no matter how busy he was, proudly applauding and beaming because she's growing up

Tristan would hold a nervous Miles' hand while they walked into a restaurant three years later to get back in contact with Miles' dad.

Tristan would be the most polite person Mrs. Hollingsworth had ever had in her home. He'd always insist on bringing something to dinners.


	7. featuring brief zaya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> told yall this is just bits and pieces

“Sooo, what’s it like living together?” Zig asks, as usual laced with sexual undertones ignored by everyone else.

Simultaneous:  
Miles shooting Tristan lovey dovey heart eyes: “It’s effortless.”   
Tristan: “It’s impossible!”

Miles looks at Tristan, feigning offense.

"Of course _you’d_ say that; _you_ never do the dishes.”

Miles’ expression twists into a small smile.

“Okay, I’ll do the dishes more often.”

“Yeah?” Tristan asks, uncharacteristically timid.

“I promise,” Miles curves his fingers under Tristan’s chin to guide their lips together.

“Aw, you guys are made for each other,” Maya smiles at the pair, who turn back to her grinning in agreement.

“What about you two? Any plans to move… well… away from Maya’s parents?”


	8. what the hell, past leigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just found this in my drafts and idk what i was saying at the start but damn this is really somethin else  
> NSFW

Also I mean. Miles has been known to be fuck around wiNEVER MIND MILES TAKING TRISTAN’S COCJ FR THE FIRST TIME RIGHT  
TRIS ASKING IF IT HURTS AND HE’S TRYNA BE FLIRTY LIKE EYYY NOT AS MUCH AS I WANT YOU EYYY BUT TR*S TRIES TO LIFT HIM OFF LIKE NO I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU GET OFF WE’LL GO SLOWER AND HE JUST. IMPALES HIMSELF. HARD. AND GRINS NOT DESPITE THE PAIN BUT /BECAUSE/ OF THE PAIN. HE’S NOT INTO PAIN REALLY BUT FOR TRISTAN HE’LL TAKE ANY AMOUNT OF PAIN JUST TO MAKE HIM HAPPY FOR ONE SECOND HOT DAMN  
AND TRIS IS IN SHOCK FOR A SECOND KINDA THINKING ABOUT HOW PERFECT MILES IS TO DO THIS FOR HIM HOW BRAVE HE IS HOW HE’S TRYING TO BE OPEN WITH HIM AND ALSO KINDA FEELING JITTERS BECAUSE NOW IT PROBABLY WON’T STOP AND FUCK HE’S SO TIGHT HE’S ON HIS DICK HE’S SHOOTING THAT SOFT SMILE AT TRISTAN HE’S - BUT THEN HE STARTS TO MOVE JUST SLOWLY CLOSING HIS EYES BITING HIS LIP EVERYTHING GENTLE EVEN THE HANDS RESTING ON TRISTAN’S STOMACH THAT WERE SHAKING WITH NERVES BUT NOT ANYMORE BUT TRIS IS STILL WORRYING UNTIL MILES MOANS JUST A LIL BIT AND TRIS SMILES AND SLIDES HIS HANDS FROM MILES’ HIPS WHERE HE WAS GUIDING HIM DOWN YEAH NO NOW HE’S GRABBING HIS ASS AND HE HISSES AND HE STARTS TO GO FASTER AND TRIS LIFTS UP SLIGHTLY TO MEET HIM GOD HE CAN BARELY FOCUS ANYMORE EVEN THOUGH HE’S TRYING TO MAKE SURE MILES IS OKAY EVEN THOUGH THIS IS STILL NEW FOR BOTH OF THEM WHICH IS WHY WHEN MILES SHOUTS THERE’S A SURGE OF ADRENALINE TO HIS HEART FROM THE FEAR THAT HE HURT MILES MORE THAN HE COULD TAKE THAT HE COULD HAVE BUCKED WITHOUT NOTICING BUT HE ONLY REALISES HE DIDN’T WHEN MILES STUTTERS M.MORE AND IT TAKES A FEW SECONDS OF CONCENTRATION TO GET THE ANGLE RIGHT AGAIN BUT THEN HE’S SOBBING LIKE HE’S HAD SOME SORT OF EPIPHANY LIKE HE’S LOOKING AT GOD NOT TRISTAN AND TRIS IS SECRETLY PROUD OF HIMSELF HE’S ALWAYS WANTED TO FUCK HIM JUST FOR THIS AND OF COURSE IT FEELS INCREDIBLE FOR HIM TOO BUT HE CAN’T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT HOW HE’S MAKING MILES FEEL AND HE REALISES HE’S NOT EVEN PLAYING WITH MILES’ DICK AND OH HOW MUCH BETTER HE COULD HAVE FELT IF HE DID SO HE DOES AND AT THE FIRST TOUCH MILES CUMS ALL OVER TRISTAN’S CHEST AND A LITTLE ON HIS NECK WITH A SOUND THAT’S HALFWAY BETWEEN WHIMPERING AND HAVING NO AIR LEFT IN HIS LUNGS AND WHEN HE’S DONE HE HAS TO LEAN MORE ON HIS HANDS STILL ON TRISTAN CONTRACTING HIS HANDS INTO CLAWS ON HIS MUSCLE THE TINIEST BIT AND TRISTAN DOESN’T MIND AT ALL BECAUSE HE MADE MILES CUM SO QUICKLY AND HE’S SO DELIGHTED AND ELATED LIKE HE’S ALREADY CUM HIMSELF AND DOESN’T EVEN WANT TO IMAGINE HOW GOOD IT WOULD FEEL WHEN HE ACTUALLY DOES AND OH GOD HE'S MOVING AGAIN BUT HE LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE SO HE STARTS TO ASK IF HE WANTS TO STOP AND HE CUTS HIM OFF WITH NAH, JUST - AH - JUST MOVE A LITTLE - AND THEN IT’S PERFECT AND THEY'RE FUCKING AND GRINNING AT EACH OTHER AND SUDDENLY THEY'RE BOTH TOTALLY AT EASE LIKE THIS IS WHAT THEY'VE ALWAYS DONE AND THEY'D BE HAPPY TO DO IT FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES AND THEN TRIS CUMS WITH HIS ARM AROUND MILES GOD IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD IT'S INDESCRIBABLE IT'S JUST SO FUCKING INDESCRIBABLY GOOD SO AS SOON AS HE HAS CONTROL OF HIMSELF AGAIN HE WHISPERS THANK YOU AN EVEN OUT OF BREATH, MILES IS STILL HIMSELF, JOKING NO, THANK /YOU/ AND TAPS TR*STAN’S NOSE AND TRIS SCRUNCHES UP HIS FACE AND MILES LAYS DOWN NEXT TO TRIS STILL JUST GRINNING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE THAT'S ALL HE CAN SEEM TO DO AROUND TRISTAN


	9. throw a porcupine at me i deserve it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW ahahahahaa why did i do this. god i. this just. smh  
> /overstimulation t  
> /slight dubcon t but with context of their relationship i'd dismiss it bc trust and honesty is a thing they have??  
> oh also the first one to speak is tris but this is just dialogue so

“Do you want – ah – to order in when Zoë – ahh, hah – gets here?”

“Ask – mh, mh – ask me in ten minutes.”

“In ten - _oh god_ \- minutes you’ll be asleep and I’ll – _huh, mmmhmh-mh_ – be cleaning the ap- _haaah_ -rtment _fuck._ ”

“Okay, fine, we’ll get something nnnnnice thoughhoohhh.”

“Thank you.  Nnngh, thank you, _thank you_ , _thank you_ , hold my handaaaahhhh.”

“Good?”

“Yes. Always yes. Damnit. Sorry. Lie back and I’ll –”

“Nooo, stay inside me.”

“Awh, you’re such a cutie.”

“Could you… let me keep going? I’m close.”

“Okay. Yeah, I guess I c-OH GOD, no, I can’t, I can’t.”

“Are you sure?  I came four times last night, can you at least try? Just this time?”

“Ah, okay, okay, I see your point, hmng, keep going.”

“Love you, Tris. Hm. Hm. Fuck. Hah. Hnh, ah, oh my _god,_ thank you Tr-ahhhhmngh, mm. Fuck, you’re amazinghh. Hthank youh.”

“That is the worst feeling I have ever experienced.”

“Heh, I’m sorry.  You did good.  I won’t forget this.”

“What?”

“I just mean, I’m grateful and stuff.”

“Awhhhhh!  You’re getting cuddly!”

“Well, we all fall victim sometimes.”

“I love you.”


	10. youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> come on a journey with me to a world where it's just a regular episode and Triles are just chillin' but then an adventure montage to Youth by Troye Sivan happens lol happy late Valentine's day

ok so triles are just having a casual afternoon and tris says something inconsequential idk whatever it's not important and miles rolls on top of tris and says "what if i do this?"

then tris goes "what if"  
and miles goes "what if we run away?"  
and tris' eyes soften and he smiles a lil bit "what if"  
"what if we left today?"  
and he grins "what if"  
"we say goodbye to safe and sound?"  
and by the end of the line they're both like so fucking smiley

and then they're dragging each other out the door grinning like their faces are about to shatter and they get into miles' convertible and they're riding with the top down and tris' hair ungelled in the wind and they're laughing on a highway

and miles takes his hand while he changes gears and there's a bunch of cute car scenes and then when it's like 'fireproof' you see silent tris say ‘I love you’ (and miles had already said it but tris wasn’t sure and tris was the one worried about it but miles was all 'hey it's chill you don't have to say it right now' but now he's ready and he says it awwww)

and now they’re on top of a hill with a beautiful view of whatever city and they’re standing in front of the car like they were looking at the view but now they’re looking at each other and then when it's like MY YOUTH they clash into this full body kiss a lil bit like the Don't Look Back one except tris isn't doing that weird thing with his arms??? what the fuck???????

and there’s all these shots of them playing on swingsets and jumping fences and being cheeky fucks and it’s getting dark and they share an ice cream cone and kiss and it’s so disgustingly cute and a few shots of them laying on a beach staring at the stars

and then just before the second chorus miles pulls out a joint and wiggles it between his fingers like he did with the backstage pass in his first episode with raised eyebrows like he does and tris looks hesitant for a sec eyeing it cautiously but (without looking at miles bc it can’t seem like he only did it for miles!!!!!!) he starts to seem sure and nods

and then at ‘my youth’ it’s like a minute later in their universe and tris is taking a hit and then for the next line he’s coughing and they're both laughing and miles says some random advice you can’t hear with a vague gesture like pointing between tris and the joint and then takes it from his hand

and they get back to the car and tris lightly whacks miles’ stomach with the back of his hand and says something that looks like “oh my god – we can’t drive!” so they walk around for a while (looking for a place to crash but that’s probably not obvious enough) 

and miles stops walking at a stripper bar and does the eyebrow head angle thing like ‘whaddaya say’ so tris walks back toward him and gently presses their bodies together and looks at his lips for a painfully long moment then he gives him the sweetest, slowest kiss ever and miles looks like he’s under a love spell or something his expression is ‘swoon, sigh, I’m so head over heels in love’ so tris turns around all proud and smug pulling miles by his wrist (who forgets to move his feet until he’s about to fall over and then has to do that half running thing to catch up) 

and then they’re in a convenience store buying just so many doritos. So many. (also tris throws a tub of ice cream (yeah he loves ice cream) and chocolate syrup in) 

and finally they find a motel and while miles is talking to the owner, acting totally normal, tris is being really fucking rude shoving doritos into his face and walking around touching stuff 

so finally they get to their room and tris is holding the ice cream tub in the air like fucking Simba or something yelling SPOOOOOON I NEED A SPOON and miles is just like lmao here and gets one for himself but when he tries to get some tris smacks his hand away from the tub omgggg

and finally they’re lying side by side on the bed just chillin like they were at the start and tris turns to him and says “sex?” and miles is all “yes please” and the chocolate syrup comes in handy (no not as lube they just lick it off each other and have lil chocolatey kisses don't be gross)


	11. marridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is disgustingly soppy and ooc especially toward the end   
> also i'm not a fan of marriage headcanons or whatever i just had this idea when i read one where tristan said his vows but i can't remember any of it to figure out who wrote it lmao   
> i'm gonna be honest i didn't even reread this i'm just tryna clear out my laptop

Miles turned to the officiate with a sigh. “Can I kiss him yet?” 

Affectionate laughter echoed all around them, their family and friends knowing exactly ???? this is so like him??? kinda thing????????????????

“Alright, so, Tristan noticed last night that I was acting a little nervous, and he didn’t even have to ask what was wrong. He just jumped right in and saved me – he had to help me write this which, I think is unconventional? But uh, we all know my first draft didn’t go so well.”

Again, amusement rippled through the crowd as Miles retrieved a crumpled, worn-out note from his pocket.

“I, Miles Hollingsworth the Third, take you, Tristan Milligan, to be my husband and partner in life. You saw through the person I pretended to be and helped me become the person I wanted to be. I still don’t understand why you chose me, but I’m honoured to be yours. All I ever want to do is keep you happy and healthy and safe and I swear to do whatever it takes to ensure that. I swear to never lie to you unless I know for sure that you want me to. We’ve been through so much and come out a hundred times stronger, wiser, and closer. I know we’re ready for whatever comes our way.”

“You may seal your vows with – aaand there they go.”

Tristan’s arms were crossed behind Miles’ neck, whose hands had flown to his husband’s waist the instant he knew he could get away with breaking the grasp. The kiss was nothing special, but it still felt new to both of them, like a new dimension had been discovered between them. When the passion waned, the two parted and immediately began to grin uncontrollably.

“We’re married.” Tristan whispered, and Miles heard him clearly amid the applause and cheers of their guests. 

“We’re married.” Miles returned, taking a moment to gaze into his husband's eyes before they turned to walk back down the aisle.


	12. imagine if gage was an asshole about tris lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so before 14b aired i wrote like ten different ways the trage? date could have gone and one of them was that fluphies post where gage was an asshole and miles felt bad for him  
> pls remember this is called 'unfinished fics' bc they're shitty but the idea is there if anyone wants to do it properly lol idc

"shit, that guy was an asshole"  
"what do you want"  
"to comfort you. i'm your knight in shining armour *sits down across from him*" (he’s joking but kinda deadpan so you have to know him really well to be able to pick it up and luckily tris does know him very well but he ignores the joke anyway)  
"i don't need you, miles. leave me alone"  
"you shouldn't be alone. you should have dozens of cute guys around you."  
"are you trying to make me feel even worse?"  
"no, no, i - i'm sorry. i just meant, i don't get why people can't see how great you are"  
"*scoff* missing me, are you?"  
"something like that"  
"*gives him a once-over* well. i'd better get going -"  
"no, stay"  
"why."  
"because you're right, i do miss you"  
"meaning?"  
"dunno. just... miss having you around."  
"cause i made you feel good, right? it was never about me as a person"  
"*confusion face* yes, it was"  
"right"  
"tris, you made me laugh. you're clever and kind and shut me down when I was being stupid. you're so cute when you get excited about things or you start ranting about stuff. you're selfless, and sweet, and loveable –“  
"loveable? you never loved me."  
"who said that"  
"well, you didn't"  
"we dated for like, two weeks, tris. but i always loved you as a friend."  
"*grimace-y smile* thanks."  
they're silent for a moment, tris sips his coffee.  
simultaneous: tris: "so what do you - " miles: "i was thinking - "  
they both do that cute lil smile at the table thing.  
tris: "you first"  
"i was thinking you should have been in winston's play. he probably didn’t mean to write that detective role for you but we both know you would have killed it.."  
"yeah, i saw it. i thought i'd take a break from things that - ah. never mind."  
"what?"  
"things that reminded me of you?"  
miles opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind and just nods, staring at his own coffee.  
M: "i never told you i'm sorry. it was a tough time and, I really regret hurting you. you were the perfect boyfriend and I totally screwed you over."  
“thank you.”

t: “so… what was really going on? was it me, was I a mistake?”

“no, absolutely not. no.”

“then what? just please let there be a reason because I don’t want to believe you could be that cruel.”

and then it ends sadly because i never end my fics sadly so GUESS FUCKIN WHAT MILES STILL CAN’T TALK TO HIM ABOUT THAT SHIT AND TRIS IS JUST LIKE…….. HE LEAVES AND IT FEELS LIKE HE CAN’T BREATHE TO THINK THAT THE GUY HE’S IN LOVE WITH REALLY DOESN’T ACTUALLY GIVE A SINGLE SOLITARY SHIT ABOUT HIM

(but the real ending is like yknow after that he collapses against a wall crying n hugging himself miles finds him and he’s crying a lil bit too and he kisses tris nd tells him “i’m, like, scared to tell you everything” and he goes “why” and he’s all “because, yknow, i can’t look weak and shit” and tris is sobbing u know he’s like “fuck just tell me. just talk to me, miles, please, even if you’re lying i don’t care just say something to make it better” and they’re both blurry eyed pressing their foreheads togetehr feeling super shitty and knowing the other one feels shitty too and milse is just like yes i want to make this better i wannt thatso much i just can’t i don’t know where to start i still don’y know for sure if he’ll forgive me even if i explain what if i don’t sound sure becaus im not sure maybe my dad was right about me anyway but “promise me you w…” and trails off bc he’s CRYINGGGG and tris is all “i have always been good to you how can you not trust me”  
and ye idk miles is jsut like sigh ok here goes “so my dad blah blah blah…


	13. not tr/les!!!! this is, like, anti miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS ONE IS ZOË AND MAYA FRIENDSHIP. NOT TR/LES.   
> ok so u know how miles and tris walk away after the 'i don't do reruns' thing and maya looks at zoë kinda regretfully and turns away too  
> ya so imagine if she was nice instead and zoë never did any of the crimes or awful manipulative things! it's all maya's fault for not learning her lesson about peer pressure and fitting in from last time! jk   
> god these are all such garbage i know i'm aware

"Yeah, we have cheerleaders."  
"Oh, so you're going to talk to me?"  
"Look, Zoë, I'm sorry that Miles treated you badly but that's not my fault. You're right, I do like him, but I never would have acted on it while you were still together."  
"Ha. I saw you when he was trapped in that wooden thing, mouths close, making eyes at each other. You wanted him."  
"You know what, Zoë, this whole feud started because you left me outside at the concert. Ever think that maybe you didn't have to steal friends?"  
I didn't steal anyone. Tristan's the one who chose me. And so did Miles until you elbowed your way in."  
Maya takes a deep breath.  
"I didn't mean to do that. Even though I wasn't your biggest fan I wasn't trying to break you guys up. But from what he's told me, he sounds like a total player anyway."  
"But you still want to date him."  
"I don't know! Maybe. All I know is that he... doesn't want to be with you :/ and that sucks and I'm sorry but I can't just tell him to like you. And besides, you're the one who keeps glaring at me, stepping on my toes. Do you even know how many allowances that dress would cost if I couldn't return it?"  
"Then why did you buy it?"  
"Because I wanted to be as good as you, okay? I was tired of being the flat footed girl with no money, no boobs, and one friend who'd ditch me for you in an instant. You had it all and I wanted one night to be pretty. Sue me."  
Zoe is quiet.  
Maya chews her lip then Becky conveniently walks past  
"Oh - Becky!"  
"Hi! Maya right?"  
"Yeah. This is Zoë; she's interested in power cheer. Do you guys have tryouts for the year or something?"  
"Absolutely, we -"  
(Zoë) "Actually can I come find you later? Maya and I really need to talk."  
"Oh, sure! (to maya) tristan should have my number if you need it!"  
"I'm sorry. You're right, Miles is the asshole here. I shouldn't have blamed you."  
"It's okay."  
"So, I'm... not good with apologies. Do I have to do anything else so we can put this behind us?"  
Maya shakes her head. "Wait... are you... like... asking if we can be friends?"  
"I... guess so?"  
"Then... okay?"


	14. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miles between 1501 and 1502 tbh.   
> nsfw, dubcon if you squint

even though i'm fuming i still don't want to punch him.   
with my dad, i always envision elaborate murders,   
torture, screaming right into his ears until he gets the   
message. 

with tris, when i'm angry, now, i just want to kiss him   
hard and smash his hips between mine and his   
bedroom wall. 

i want to scratch him and bite him and fuck his ass   
until he cums and begs me to stop, until he admits i   
was right and he's sorry and he's a pathetic fucking idiot. 

i want to pull him close enough that my fingers leave   
bruises on him, suck marks all over his body that won't   
disappear for weeks and hear him moan for it. i want   
him to be reminded of me every time he moves and   
something hurts. 

i want to push him down onto his knees on the hard wood   
floor of his room and put his overactive mouth to better   
use. i want to grip his hair tight and make him look at me  
while he does the best damn work of his life.

but mostly i want to cum down his stupid throat so the   
endorphins will make me forgive him. 

i want to look down at him with his eyes watering and   
spit all over his face until we both catch our breaths,  
then take his hand and pull him up to stand next to me. 

i want to look into his eyes for a moment, kiss him   
softly, no tongue, just gentle lips, and move back to   
wipe his tears away. 

i want to see understanding in his tired eyes; i don't  
want him to be scared of me. 

i want to wrap my arms around him and feel our sweat   
mixing again, bring our chests together so we can feel   
each other's hearts still beating a little too fast. 

i want to whisper into his neck that i'm sorry and hear   
him tell me i don't have to be, that he's okay and he   
knew he was safe. 

i want to feel him thread his fingers through my hair  
and brush it out of my eyes, then tug me over to lie   
down on his bed, curl up next to me with a hand on   
my stomach.


	15. one word meme that probably isn't a meme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone told me to describe triles in one word and I was like 'I could describe different headcanoned aspects of them in one word?' and I like this game everyone should play it with their faves lol

tristan’s personality: frank  
tristan’s interests: motley  
tristan as a romantic person: delight  
tristan as a sexual person: grip  
tristan describing miles: whimsy  
tristan grocery shopping: sensible  
tristan on his wedding day: jitters  
tristan on his honeymoon: squeals  
tristan at weddings: tears  
tristan at funerals: sombre  
miles’ personality: temperate  
miles’ interests: straightforward  
miles as a romantic person: inarticulate  
miles as a sexual person: for  
miles describing tristan: quickly  
miles grocery shopping: childlike  
miles on his wedding day: know   
miles on his honeymoon: adoring  
miles at weddings: cake  
miles at funerals: awkward  
triles itself: incorporation  
triles conflict: charged  
triles resolution: meek  
triles romantically: devoted  
triles sexually: synergy  
triles grocery shopping: grab  
triles’ proposal: because  
triles’ wedding day: misfortunate  
triles’ honeymoon: love  
triles’ marriage: youth  
triles at weddings: delight  
triles at funerals: inconspicuous  
triles’ kids: trouble  
elderly triles: ease


	16. eh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this whole thing at some point but then i lost it lol i'm sad (nsfw)

Miles and Zig got matching prince alberts while drunk and handcuffed and basically the reason they’re so awkward for the webisodes is because their dicks hurt but they can’t say anything to each other and then when Miles and Tris get back together he has to tell him he got a piercing and he starts off really dramatic and Tris is terrified Miles slept with someone else or something equally heart-dropping, stop-breathing “shit oh no oh my god what” but then he’s like “it appears that I got my dick pierced?” *wince* and Tris is like oh ok lmao

And then I planned for them to fuck and obvs include jewellery play (which would feel so fucking incredible and Miles’d almost cry from it because he totally hadn’t been with anyone since Tristan absolutely not two entire people nope) and then later Tris would be the big spoon and they’re falling asleep and Tris asks him why he kept it and he’s all sheepish like ‘pfft idk no reason I wasn’t secretly waiting till you run your tongue over it and make me cum so hard you have to lick it clean with that look in your eye that’s so filthy it should be illegal what no nothing like that’

And then Tris tells him he has a kink and Miles interrupts with something along the lines of “I’ll do it.  Anything, I’ll do it.” and he slowly smiles and says I’ll tell you tomorrow but for now go to sleep (and dream of me)  
And u just know Miles dreams about his own kinks which may or may not include Tristan shoving his tongue and fingers into him even after he cums just to make him squirm and sweat until he cums again and his body is completely spent shaking weak like a fucking foal trying to hold itself up but he endures it/being tied to the bed arching his back and whimpering at the assault on his nervous system of Tristan sucking him off with ice in his mouth, only Tristan, he’s never dreamed of anyone else, not even when he was with a girl, because sex never felt so intensely shiveringly have-to-get-a-hall-pass-to-throw-water-on-his-face-at-just-the-memory good with anyone else and he knew it never would because Tristan, he was it.  He was more than a high school sweetheart, he was more than a fun few weeks experimenting, he was the only one who could give him what he wanted and make him want to work hard to deserve it, he was the only one who saw through the harsh words and cold demeanour when something was wrong and pushed, forced his walls down, and there was nothing he was more grateful for than the universe giving Tristan back to him.


	17. eh part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm having one of those days where i stop being a perfectionist, and also stop lying to myself saying i'll fix it eventually

and then the [secret kink smut I haven’t published yet which I actually will] and “we’re keeping that” and Tris says "duh no way I’d get rid of it after the moans you gave me.  But there must be something you want." and Tris says he’s not comfortable with group sex or pain play but he’ll try anything else because he owes it after Miles trying this thing for him and Miles can’t fathom him ever owing him anything like ‘omg no literally I’m the one who owes you everything please don’t ever feel like you have to do anything for me.  P l e a s e don’t do anything you don’t want to, ever!!’  
And Tris says “okay, okay.  But isn’t there something?  Everyone has something.  Tell me and I’ll try.”

Miles is thinking like ‘Fuck, after all this time of me trying so desperately to be what he wants, now he thinks he has to appease me?  I can’t allow this.  Say there’s nothing.  Say it’s illegal say he’d never be okay with it say it would upset him.’ so he mumbles something incoherent like ‘I don’t know’ or ‘not really’ but Tristan pleads  for a bit and Miles still won’t tell him.  
  
So Tris gets upset thinking it involves girls but actually he just wants Tris to take him however he wants; that’s what turns him on.  Tristan breathing in Miles’ moans and breathing out lust.  To look into his eyes forever.  He doesn’t need sex, he just needs Tristan.  No, bad choice of words.  He craves Tristan, on his tongue, inside him, above him, but he doesn’t need him.  He doesn’t deserve him.  He… he fears him.  He fears letting him down.  He never wants to hurt him but he already has, maybe irreparably, and remembering makes his stomach churn, makes him grind his teeth, makes him tense every muscle in his body to the point of pain because _fuck_ he could have ruined everything but here he is next to the boy of his dreams, who hasn’t even cum yet- “oh my god you haven’t even cum yet” and Tristan gives a smile and says, "I don’t need to.  All I wanted was you."  And Miles is like um fuck that *blowjob*

And maybe it was just seeing Tristan’s smile as he laughed giddily at Miles’ tongue trying new things, or maybe it was how he felt when Tristan told him that was amazing, but he knew if he never achieved anything else in his life but making Tristan cum or smile, he didn’t fucking care.  There wasn’t a single cell in his body that didn’t want the absolute best for Tristan, his Tristan, the Tristan that shouldn’t be his, but the Tristan that chose him so he’ll never give up trying to be the perfect boyfriend.  Even if he goes broke, even if Tristan stops loving him, even if he has to give him a kidney, he will fight every waking second to match Tristan’s sweet nature, be everything he is for Miles and more.

Sure, Tris knows he’s an okay guy but he doesn’t see how a wave and a smile to some random freshman he spoke to once three months ago can make their day.  He doesn’t see how he brightens every room and steals the focus with his gorgeous just-woke-up-and-I’m-twenty-minutes-late messy hair and that no one else in the world has a more perfect natural pout.  He can’t see the way having his attention makes anyone feel like they’re all he’ll ever care about again. He doesn’t know how his classmates worry when he’s not in school because he’s never sick.  He doesn’t know how encouraging it is that after all the shit he’s been through he still holds the door open for people and asks them how they are. 

Miles knows he will never have a handshake as electrifying, or a frown as devastating, or a kiss as purifying even when his intention is filthy.


	18. ehhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> douse me in holy water these three are all very nsfw

After flirting through the entire drive home, Tristan hadn’t stopped palming Miles over his jeans since they reached the door at his house.

 

Collapsing haphazardly backward onto the sofa, Miles thumped his head against it, straining upwards into Tristan’s touch.  “Fuck, Tris, come _on!_ ” As Tristan kneeled to drop soft kisses down his hipbone, Miles whined, a combination of complaint and craving.  Tristan knew he was tormenting Miles far more than he himself would ever be able to tolerate, but he had learned that it always made his lover cum harder when he finally did.

 

Smiling, Tristan teased, “You ready?” Miles arched his back, gripping his partner’s hair and cried, “Tristanwillyoupleasejustfuckme!” Tristan sniggered, proud to feel so wanted, and fulfilled the request, pushing off Miles’ jeans but careful not to crumple them where they fell.  Now cupping his boyfriend’s throbbing erection through his boxers, he promised himself this would be the last of the torture.  Tristan swiftly pulled out his lover’s cock and wrapped his lips around the leaking head, earning a grateful sigh.  While he drew more of Miles into his mouth he heard the adoring, urgent voice of the rich boy slurring, “Fffuuuck, thank you, Tris, I love you, fuck, _FUCK_.”

 

Tristan never imagined he would love sucking anyone off as much as he did with Miles.  It was probably the reward of hearing the sounds Miles made for him that created this effect.  The brunet writhed beneath him, moaning loud and urgent, still threading his hands through Tristan’s jet black hair just for something to hold onto – until he uses his grip to pull him away.

 

“Ah, no, no more, I want you,” came the explanation.

 

Tristan pulled off and ceased all movement. “We’re out of condoms, babe.” (why didn't they get condoms while they were out)

“I don’t care.”

“You do.  I know you do.  And blowjobs aren’t totally safe either, remember?” he reminded Miles.

 

Miles just whimpers?whines? and drops his hand down Tristan’s neck.

 

Meanwhile, Tristan has a brainwave??? He slowly brings his fingers to his tongue, watching Miles practically salivate over the action.

 

“Oh god,” the brunet groaned, recalling the last time Tristan had used his fingers with him ????/to get him off. Glazed eyes, Lids threatening to close/flickering/that gif where he’s all “I really hope not”?????? ya he’s goin nuts

“Please…” Miles was barely aware that he spoke; entranced by the show Tristan was putting on for him.

As he lowered his hand, Tristan leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend.  He responded eagerly, exhaling faintly when he felt Tristan glide over his opening.

When Tristan finally entered him (lmao 111111111 das 1 finger i gotta count them)  


2222222222

 

a lil thing abt miles enjoying himself… something physical????? not sounds  maybe nails  orrrrr his jaw going slack for a secon but then he rembers he’s sposta be kissin his Trissin

 

Miles’ corners of mouth??? Twitched for only a second before tris was all yez time 4 another fingery dingery 333333333333

 

so anyways tris starts to move faster reaching his prostate n he’s all rolling hips gripping his arm idk

“I can take more, come on.”

Tristan added another finger ??? , 44444444

and Miles hummed against his lips/into the kiss????

 

“More.”

“Miles –”

“More!” he repeated ???? but not like mean yelling idk I don’t have any particular idea of how he says it

… … … …………………

 

Le fingers stilled

“If you’re sure, I should go get some lube.”

“Yeah?” Miles panted, “Might as well continue this in my room then.”

 

With a Lusty expression or w/e, they move to the bedroom and miles makes v manly sounds yes. manly. so manly. not at all whiny or begging nope just 100% pure gay lumberjack porn grunts……....…………….

ye idk maybe ill just leave it to the imagination or I could just end it lik e” AND THEN TRISTAN PUTS HIS ENTIRE ARM UP MILES’ ASS”


	19. lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one's so ooc i can't bear to work on it so  
> *miles voice* "here have some sickly sweet consent dialogue i don't care anymore"

*Tris is blowing him*

“I’m close,” he choked, straining against the handcuffs securing him, arching his back so far upward that Tristan half expected it to snap.

Seeing Miles’ lips part in a silent scream, Tristan tightly gripped the base of Miles’ cock and

“Fuck, what – _mhn_ – what the hell?!”

“You’re gonna hold it for me, okay?”

Tristan’s fingers dug in harder as he took the brunet’s cock back in his mouth.

Shivering, Miles panted, “Oh god, Tris, you’re – ah! Shit! Shit, shit, fuck, I hate you!”

But Tristan only moved faster as Miles tried to twist out of his grasp.

“No, oh my god, let me cum _pleeeease_!”

“Just a little longer, okay?”

Tears threatened to spill from the rich boy’s eyes as he released a strangled whine of, “Tris, ple-please, I can’t…”

“You can do it, baby, I know you can.”

“ _Tristan-if-we-had-a-safeword-I-would-be-using-it-right-now-please-stop!_ ”

Tristan looked up with widening eyes and immediately loosened his grip,

 and puts his mouth on the dick and tries to make it the best blow job ever until he jizzes and stops convulsing and whatever

He shouted as he came straight into Tristan’s mouth.

The brunet’s head fell back against the pillows, _fighting to catch his breath/struggling to control his breathing/chest rising and falling_ while Tristan snatches the key off the adjacent dresser and unlocks the handcuffs.

“Baby I’m so sorry, I thought –”

“Hey no it’s okay, we’re okay.”

“No, I pushed you too far, I should have stopped, I should know you well enough –”

“Tris,” his tone became almost warning, despite his uncontrolled breathing.  “Calm down. You know I wouldn’t say it’s okay if it wasn’t.”

He turns to grip Tristan’s (softening or still hard idk) cock but he swats his hand away.

“Yeah, but I made you feel unsafe.  God, Miles, I _hurt_ you.”

“But I forgive you.”

Tristan’s eyes well up with tears, and he pats Miles’ cheek as the only sign of affection he could give at that time.

“It’s okay.  It happens, we’ll learn from this.  Really.  I’m okay.”

Tristan bit his lip and placed his hands around the other boy’s neck and slid them down to rest flat against the other boy’s chest.

“I love you, I never meant to hurt you, I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Tris.  You stopped as soon as you realised;  you did everything right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please try not to worry about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tristan.  Shut up and cuddle with me or I’ll un-forgive you,” he joked.

Shifting backward into his boyfriend’s sweltering frame, Tristan felt the boy pull him into his arms.  He also felt warm kisses being pressed into his neck

(Tristan’s persisting erection was the last thing on his mind.  All he could think about was how awful he felt, and how awful he was for feeling awful about his own feeling when he’d made Miles feel even more awful.) (It’s over, it’s in the past.)

“Are you sure I can’t get you some cocoa, or find you a joint, or _something_?”

“Babe, close your eyes for a sec.”

Tristan complied. 

“Now unravel that knitted brow of yours, and take a deep breath.”

Miles wasn’t used to talking about emotions ???? began tracing patterns on Tristan’s chest.

“Remember where you are. You’re with your boyfriend, who loves and adores you…” Miles cooed. “You just gave me an _awesome_ blowjob-slash-ass-fucking…”

The two laughed.

“And, yeah, a little thing went wrong, but that’s okay.  I’m okay.  Because I know you were just trying to make me happy.  And next time we’ll know better.”

“Absolutely.  I swear I will _always_ check first before I do anything new and we’ll find safewords and –”

“ _And_ , now we’re falling asleep together.  And we’re going to wake up together and spend the whole day together shopping in beautiful Toronto…”

“Finding you some shirts that aren’t blue…” Tristan cautiously joked, earning a light chuckle from his lover.

“And, if you _really_ need to, you can make it up to me by holding my hand and giving me lots of little kisses.” Miles grinned.

Tristan turned over to face him, still wrapped in his arms. “I love you so much, Miles, I’m so sor–”

“Don’t you dare apologise again.”

“Wait, just let me finish.”

Miles hkfhskh??? Proceeded

“I love you.  You are everything to me.  I know I’m totally making this about me and that’s not at all what I want to do but – look, I understand that I _really_ screwed up tonight.”

“I trust you.  I forgive you.  We’re fine, I’m okay.  I promise I’ll say something if it starts to upset me.”


	20. dubcon if u squint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of these before miles' addiction began (which tells you a lot about me) and am now firmly against him ingesting any mind- or mood-altering drugs, regardless of legality. However, if you can pretend that most of their personalities and histories aren't a thing for the first few lines of this that'd be swell

Miles wakes up with his back pressed against Tristan, both still naked from a drunken fumble the night before.  He turns over to look at Tristan’s porcelain sleeping face, hair messy and innocent and looking (look up that lyle photo w messy hair omfg) as if it had been through a hurricane (micah’s description), kisses him softly and whispers I love you.  Sleepy Tristan just smiles with his eyes closed.

Looks at the clock? SWEATING FROM SUMMER CONVENIENTLY NO BLANKETS LOL

Miles goes to make breakfast, protein shake for Tris and uhhhh idk toast for himself?  What would he eat lmao 

Anyways while he does that he’s thinking about uhhh idk like whatever some lovey dovey shit

He comes back and sees sleepy Tris and goes wahey if I have to wake him up it should really be fun so he puts down the glass and his plate on the nightstand and kneels over his boyfriend, careful not to disturb his sleeping frame (is that a thing people say)

Miles slips his left hand into Tristan’s right, intertwining their fingers to let him know he’s safe while he fades into consciousness. (although physically that is kinda impossible because the hand is upside down an d just. It doesn’t work)

Taking a moment to admire his slumbering lover/cherub/boo/bae/boobae/booby/bitch/babe/sugar/doodooDOO doo Doo doo/aww honey honey/doodooDOO doo Doo doo/muffin/cupcake/trissyboo/hottie, Miles leans down to place a tender kiss on his hip before taking Tristan in his mouth, albeit at an awkward angle.

Tristan doesn’t open his eyes, but his breathless laugh convinces Miles that he is awake, or awake enough.  He lets out a soft moan as he twists to lie on his back, gently arching and gripping the sheets surrounding him.  Tristan opens his eyes and shuffles around to see his boyfriend better.  “Miles, I don’t think -” Miles switches his mouth for his hand, pressing his thumb into the slit and moving up his partner’s body.

(he’s growing harder? Twitching? Or just morning wood idk fuck this entire thing)

“Shh.  Don’t think.  Just feel it.” 

Tristan reluctantly/hesitantly complies, leaning back against the pillows and letting Miles follow to kiss any hesitation out of him, barely aware that he was breathing shakily around his lips.

He can’t help wrapping an arm around Miles’ waist to pull him closer

??? Tristan’s sounds were becoming more urgent 

Miles pulls back and flashes the most genuine smile Tristan had seen in days, careful not to crush his partner’s hand climbing back down to put his mouth back where it belonged.

Tristan could feel the pleasure coiling in his stomach as his free hand flew to Miles’ hair, lightly tugging, encouraging, praising.

exhaling ‘yes _fuck_ ’ and Miles strokes his inner thigh with his free hand as he takes him deeper

squeezes Miles’ hand painfully tight as he cums, slamming his head back onto the bed, whole body convulsing under Miles from the near-blinding pleasure.

And Miles watches him as he swallows hungrily (?), running his free hand down Tristan’s stomach . He **taste feel sight hear proprioception balance pain temperature**

“You know exactly what I like.”

“I’ve been paying attention.”

Tristan grins shyly, refusing to let his boyfriend’s hand go even when Miles moves to lie next to him. After catching his breath, he turns on his side to face Miles, finding him already smirking dopily at him. Pleased? at this, Tristan released

“Your turn.”

“Nope, not happening.”  Miles expertly escaped Tristan’s grasp, rolling away to collect their not-so-extravagant cuisine. “It’s breakfast time.”

“Just once, will you let me return the favour?”  He pleaded, seeming not to notice the glass Miles held in front of him.

“It’s not a favour, Tris, it’s a blowjob, and I don’t need one.” Miles glanced pointedly at the glass and shifted it further into his boyfriend’s line of sight.

“I’ll have to catch you when _you’re_ sleeping then.  That shouldn’t be hard.”  By now, Miles was exasperated enough to grasp Tristan’s hand and curl the fingers around the glass himself.  “Speaking of your sleeping habits, why are you so chipper?  Don’t you have a hangover?”

“You make me a morning person.” Miles casually responded, as he took a bite from a slice of toast.

“What?”

Miles shrugged.  “Waking up next to you is the perfect start to my day.”

“No way.  No.  Nuh-uh.  You don’t get to say romantic things like that and _not_ let me give you a happy ending.”

“I _am_ happy."


	21. hhhhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one's kinda cute but mostly just dumb lol

(muffled chip mouth) Tris! How's my Leonardo di Schwarzenegger?

“Hey, I – I know you're on date night next week but I was… hoping it was something that could be postponed?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. It is,” Miles paused. “Something wrong?”

“I'm just totally burnt out and I need a break to...” he trailed off with a sigh, “I don't know. Stare at a wall. Shut off my mind for a while”

“Yeah, okay. Well, you do what you need. I could... come over if you wanted? We could have a quiet night in?”

(sigh ...) “Look, Miles, I'm so sorry to do this but I need to be alone. Like, _alone_ alone.”

Trying to mask his disappointment with concern, Miles replied, “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Of course.”

Tristan wasn’t convinced by Miles’ ? and continued. “I just can't be worrying about what I look like or being a good host or whatever. Plus there'll probably be some ugly crying.”

“Wait – crying? Is there anything I can do?”

“You're so sweet, but, no.”  Tristan’s smile could be heard in his voice and felt his heart pinch a little wishing he could see it too. “I just have to cram this in somewhere and – god, this is going to sound awful but – you're the only thing without a deadline.  Baby, I'm sorry, I–”

“No, no, I totally get it. Don't worry about me at all.”

“Thank you so much, Miles. You're a life saver. Preventative measures, is all. I can't afford a breakdown right now.”

“Hey, you don't have to explain. Supportive is in the job description.”

“Thank you; I love you.”

“Love you too, Tris. Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Mr. Potato-Chips-For-Breakfast-On-A-Saturday.”

“I'll have you know, these are corn chips, and I consider it breakfast dessert.” Miles punctuated his statement with a crunch as he bit down on another chip.

(tris giggles then smiles the words) “I'll see you Monday.”

“Okay.”


	22. just call me Spamalot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> like a year ago someone sent me this and said to continue it and i was like why are people sending me things that are already being done by an RP but it was cute so i did it anyway. hope you're still here, anon
> 
> ( richboymileshollingsworth.tumblr.com/post/103292499007 )

Tristan heard footsteps descending the stairs and he looked up to see a shirtless Miles walking through the doorway.  He couldn’t help the pink tinting of his cheeks that occurred seeing his boyfriend this way.  He snuck a subtle glance at Miles and his still damp hair.  His bangs had a slight wave to them and they clung to his face. He’d never get over how gorgeous this boy was.

"Hey, where did I leave that shirt I bought yesterday?"

“On the counter.  Buuuut…” Tristan walked up to his boyfriend, first directing his attention to his toned abs, then to his messy, damp hair, and finally settled on his eyes.

"I don't think you need to be wearing it just yet."

Miles smirked.  "Oh yeah?  And why would that be?"

"Because I said so," Tristan replied, trailing his fingertips down Miles' front.

The brunet recoiled as the light touches tickled his bare skin.

“Seems like you only want me for my body,” Miles joked, angling his head so his lips were closer to Tristan’s.

“Mm, but you don’t mind, do you?” Tristan traced his way around his boyfriend’s hips and locked their bodies together.

Their lips met in a sweet, soft kiss, but Tristan abruptly pulled away.

“You know that’s not true, though, right?  You don’t think I’m just-”

Laughing, Miles quieted him with another kiss.  “Hey, it’s okay.  I know.  I love you too.”

Tristan relaxed and cupped Miles’ clean-shaven cheeks, caressing his jaw.

“When I’m with you, I feel like I don’t have to impress you.  I can just be me, you know?”

Miles reached up and squeezed Tristan’s hands, eyes softening, but didn’t say anything, spurring Tristan on to continue.

“When I look into your eyes, I forget that anything else exists.  It’s just you, and me, and this… stillness that only you can show me.

“And I love how warm you are; how even in the heat of summer I still want to be close to you and share your warmth.

“I love how your arms fit perfectly around me and my hand fits perfectly in yours.”

To demonstrate, Tristan interlaced his fingers with his lover’s, drawing a small, contented hum from him.

“I love your compassion, and how you try to be a better person every day.  I love your family and I love that you love mine.

“I love how you listen to me complain about things you don’t care about but you pretend to be outraged too.

“I love that you text me every time it rains, because it reminds you of our first real kiss.”

“I didn’t think you’d caught onto that,” Miles chuckled, as Tristan relocated his hands to the back of his lover’s neck, gently scratching into his hair.

“I love the way you mouth ‘I love you’ from across the room and it feels just like the first time.

“And I love the sounds you make when we’re in bed, the way you let me see you so open and vulnerable. I love your face when you come, just for me, and I know you’re all mine.”

“Fuck,” Miles exhaled, eyes fixed on the other boy’s lips, then rushed forward to smash his own into Tristan’s, determined to ???????????????????????????????????

 

*they smoochie smooch then they start makin out then it gets rly hot*

“Tris, I just showered.” Miles breathed.

“Lucky we have nowhere to be, then.”


	23. hhhhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yikes if anyone from that irl thing is creeping me (bc the smut is actually about characterisation tyvm) but this was in my drafts and still made me emo

i'm upset i started to headcanon miles as colour blind because there's this video of a guy whose boyfriend gets him enchroma glasses for his birthday and he sees purple for the first time and he's overwhelmed and crying and i was like oh my god what if triles

also amabs have higher genetic predispositions also his clothes? are so terrible ??? SALMON PANTS??? and he can see blue pretty well so that's why he wears like 99% blue shirts and i got so into it like imagine him having to ask tris what colour something is or when he took oral french exams he'd have to know how to apologise for being colour blind bye

but then i realised that might fucks with my headcanon that miles is a freelance photography blogger/essayist unless he's works in monochrome and like

i want tristan to do modeling on the side of his starring role on a netflix original when he's 23 and i want miles to do shoots with him

and i want miles to say tris is his favourite subject whether it's in an innocent-looking shoot or when it's gritty or when it's sexy because (and then he'd launch into why tris is so incredibly fascinating to him and talk for ten years about how great it is to be in love with art in human form and be so gross and annoying about how great tristan is)

ok so tris has a short film coming out or something and he's doing a promo shoot and it's sexy as heck and mid-sexy shoot on their bed tris is like on his knees like on his haunches idk?? u know what i mean? like sitting on his legs idk and he smirks and tells miles he's hot when he's working and miles is all flirty back

and tris starts stripping more than he was going to (because they'd planned and talked because tris loves planning work stuff but loves spontaneous love stuff) and then miles just kinda keeps taking photos while tris gets basically naked and starts slowly stroking his dick looking right into the lens biting his lip and stuff

and there's an unspoken agreement that these are just for them and miles wouldn't dare risk uploading them even to his private storage but he finds it so hot and it feels so good to know that tris trusts him like that and _wants_ him to take those photos and share that intimate moment

and tris is half hoping miles will stop him and get him off himself but doesn't actually say it so miles just keeps working because he's dedicated to the art and tris is letting his lips part and closing his eyes and miles gets really fantastic shots of him coming but anyway

and tris looks at the cum on the sheets and usually he'd be like ah shit but instead he smiles a little and is like 'your turn' and miles is like wait what and tris super gently takes the camera from his hands and miles taught him a little about photography so he knows how to do it and miles trusts him not to break anything especially not his heart ayyyy

anyways miles is lookin kinda shy but he's def into it and he lies down and gets his dick out and tris shoots from below his waist

and the photos tris takes aren't nearly as good but they look at them later and miles is like 'wow you're right i'm so fuckin hot lol' and tris is like 'so am I lol I love us'

and they never do it again but they keep the photos (even the bad ones) on a heavily encoded folder in miles' non-work hard drive and an interviewer on live national tv a few years later asks miles if he would ever shoot anyone naked and he's like 'hmmm no probably not; personally i'm not too interested in making art of that nature' and tris is watching because duh his husband is on tv and he wonders if miles forgot the whole thing but miles was just a good actor bc tris rubbed off on him aw


	24. i love consent dialogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> but i also need to chill about it

i was thinkin about parent triles and how tris would be like 'happy father's day babe' and try to get all up on him and miles would be like 'uh no wtf happy father's day to YOU' and then they start arguing about who gets to do their best sex things to whom and they end up deciding miles gets to treat tris on father's day and tris gets to do miles' fave things to miles on mother's day because they never get to have sex anymore bc they have a kid to look after 24/7

and miles is like 'i get to do u for father's day bc you're a better dad' and then they get into an argument like miles' insecurities vs. tris tryna tell him they've only been dads for like a few months and he needs to give himself some credit bc he's not a terrible dad he just isn't the absolute best

and miles is like 'can we talk about this later i wAnt 2 sex u and make u feel good' and tris is like 'no wtf' and miles is like 'it would make me feel better bc sex is the only thing i'm good at' and tris is like 'what the fuck no you fucking fuck you are so wrong here's a list of things you're good at'

and miles is like ugh and starts complaining like 'every time we have a deep talk we never have sex after bc you're like "maybe it's not a good time maybe one of us is vulnerable and we don't know it" ' and tris is like screeching 'CONSENT!111!1' and miles is like 'yes ok i know but maybe we need to cool it so that we won't not have sex ever again'

and then tris is like sigh 'maybe i've been a little uptight abt this but not a lot bc it does matter'

and miles is like 'yes i agree it does matter but let's compromise a little on it' and then tris is like 'how about this time we just have some nice vanilla "together" sex'

and they do and they're all schmoopy and sweet and kissy and soft and gentle and they remember how much they love it like that and it's so cute they're so cute i love their love


	25. i call this one "lowly banana"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wish i could have just deleted this tbh but MI won't let me

"Wh-who’s there?”  Tristan called out, wielding a lowly banana.

Stepping back against the counter, his heart raced and muscles tensed.

“What do you want?”

As erratic footsteps moved toward the doorway, Tristan’s eyes darted to the set of knives next to him.

He picked out the butcher knife; it looked scariest.

The steps drew closer, sounding neither heavy nor light, but one foot distinctly dragged on the forward motion.

Tristan prepared himself for a fight, assuming the worst. 

 

...

 

Dropping the knife, he ran toward the figure and embraced him tightly.

“Miles!” he choked.

Removing his headphones, Miles smiled, unaware of the predicament.

"Hey, Tris!"


	26. ferris wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that feel when you don't remember ever taking drugs in your life but you must have been high to write this

'look at this bs we’re stuck on this damn ferris wheel I knew it I told you this would happen'  
'relax Tris let’s talk to pass the time ok tell me yr fave movie prop of all time'  
'lol easy as.  the bike from donnie darko ur turn ok what’s ur biggest regret'  
'you already know my biggest regret.'  
'do I?'  
'I regret ever letting myself get close to you.'  
'what the fuck Miles.'  
'Yeah.'

'I thought u were gonna say, oh, I don't know, one of the times you hurt me? or something about your family or drugs or I don't even know but this is just –'  
'see?  I keep hurting u'  
'then don’t!!!!!  don’t hurt me Miles!!!!  jfc u gotta stop pulling shit like this.  I start to trust u again and u shatter it smh …… god u make it so hard to love you' *arm fold + dramatic turn away*  
'wait u luv me?'  
*oh shit shit fuck shit uh* …….  'yes?  but you have to stop this self defeating bullshit idk what I’m supposed -'  
'*smoochie smooch* I love you more than anything *smooch*'  
'ok I no u think that’s romantic but there’s still a problem here.  u have to be selfish.  choose yourself over what u think I deserve.  choose us.'  
*smoochies * *nod* 'okay' *smoochies*


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so imagine... ik it's hard bc of course the writers chose the non mono character to be the promiscuous one but... imagine miles is a virgin for this one

(THERE MUST BE ANOTHER WAY TO SAY STRADDLING JESUS CHRIST) MILES IS ON DA BOTTOM BC HE A BOTTOM NAH BUT FR THO OK SO TRIS SORTA SLOWLY MOVING HIS CLOTHED BONER ON MILES WHO ALSO HAS A BONER BUT HE’S BREATHLESS BC BONERS TOUCHING??? HOLY SIHT) waIT NO I SHOULD DO BACKSTORY OKAY

 

When the two boys arrived at the Milligan house, Tristan found the door locked.  As he skilfully retrieved his key from a pocket in his tight jeans, they shared a grin.  Finally, some time _alone_.

 

They dropped their bags by the front door, where Tristan found a note and some money tacked to the wall apologising for both of his parents getting home late.  Not even bothering to remove the note, the pair headed straight for the couch.

 

The initial kiss was intense, but soft.  It lasted a half minute or so before Miles shifted back against the arm of the couch, lightly tugging Tristan with him.  Having to balance his twisted body on a hand beside Miles, Tristan became uncomfortable, so for convenience he innocently straddled Miles.  Totally innocently.  For convenience.

 

They managed to keep the kiss quite relaxed for some time, content just to have time to themselves after a long day at school, but something about the way Tristan was massaging his fingers into his hair just _got_ to Miles.  An almost imperceptible moan came from his throat and his hands slid to Tristan’s waist, pulling him closer.

 

Tristan smiled into their kiss, wrapping his arms behind Miles neck.  The kiss deepened and?????? _then the clothed frottage_

 

“Tris, wait.”

Tristan immediately took his hands off of his boyfriend, hovering them a few inches away from his body.

“You okay?”

“Uh.  Yeah, I just, sorry.  This is all really new to me.”

Tristan noted that Miles’ expression was precisely the same as the one he wore before laughing off their kiss in Paris.  As his fears of their relationship being a part of Miles’ plans to get Maya back and wind up his father resurfaced, Tristan swallowed them back and tried to understand.

“Right, yeah, it’s probably really different with girls–”

“No, no, I mean I’ve never…” Miles trailed off, looking to the side.

Tristan studied him, puzzled, until Miles drew in a deep breath.

“Oh.  Oh!  _Really_?”

“Are you mad?” Miles seemed to shy away from Tristan, pressing his back further into the arm of the couch.

Tristan hurried to reassure him, more affectionate for the relief he felt knowing the real reason behind Miles’ evasion.

“No, Miles, no, of course I’m not mad.  I’m just surprised, that’s all.  _Very_ surprised.”

“But, do you mind if I’m…”

“Well, as long as you want to, I'm honoured to be your first.”

“It’s just,” he sighed. “I kinda...  I don’t?”

Tristan’s face fell, becoming unsure of his partner’s motives yet again.

“Oh.  Sorry.  I guess I thought you were into it.”

Tristan began to climb off of Miles, when he was stopped by a hand on his wrist.

“No, I mean, I do, but… not yet.”

“You mean you’re not ready?”

“I, I guess, yeah.  Is that okay?”

This was one of the rare times Tristan had seen Miles anxious.  It was painful for Tristan; stirring up the protective quality that he’d only ever noticed traces of before. Miles had always been the one to defend him and encourage him, but now it was Tristan’s turn.

The blond squeezed his boyfriend's hand supportively.

“Miles, look at me.”

Hesitantly, the brunet met his eye.

“Of course it’s okay.  I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Hearing that, Miles relaxed and gave a grateful smile, playing with Tristan’s long, slender fingers.

“I’m sorry for assuming.  I should know better.”

“Hey, don’t worry.  Everyone thinks I’m, I don’t know, Tiger Woods or something.”

“But I’m not _everyone_ ;  I’m your boyfriend!”

“Tris, chill,” Miles laughed. “You’re right, you are different.  I wouldn’t have told anyone else.”

“Really?”

“Not even Maya, or Frankie or Winston.”

‘Not even Maya'. The words rung out in Tristan’s mind and he fought to replace a smirk with a caring smile.

“Okay, well, don’t worry about me.”  He placed his hands flat against Miles’ chest.  “I’m perfectly happy with what we have.  You know that, right?  I’m happy just sitting next to you watching movies if that’s what you want.”

“Thanks, Tris,” he replied.  “I uh… I’m happy too.”

*kissy kissy*

“So, what now?”


	28. ohhhh my god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so this one uses some material from the last chapter bc – actually, i don't remember why i ever decided to build on it but the tenses are messy and it's imperfect but that's why i'm putting it here. we cool?  
> set as if they got back together after champagne supernova but before zoë/miles round 2

Miles asks, “Are you sure you want to… be together again so soon?”

“Hm, what happened to your foul mouth?”

“Fuck off.”

“Ha, ha.  But… Why do you say that?”

“I just thought it might… take some time to build up trust again?”

“Well,” Tristan began trailing his fingers up Miles’ thigh, “I think sex is good practice, don’t you?  But –” he removed his hand suddenly, teasingly, “If you want to wait that’s fine.”

“Tris, of course I don’t want to wait, I’ve missed you like crazy.  I just assumed you would.”

“You know you’re very bad at assuming you know what’s best for me.”

Miles looked at his hands. “Right.”

There’s a silence, then Tristan speaks again.

“Do you think we _should_ wait?”

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to.  I haven’t slept with anyone else.”

Miles replies hastily – “I haven’t either”

Tristan gives a small satisfied smile and asked, “Do you think… will waiting make it better or just get our expectations too high?”

“All I know is it always felt right with you.  And I remember – this is so cheesy but – I remember thinking it always would feel right.”

“Yeah?”  Tristan had replied in a voice so soft, Miles wasn’t sure he’d even said it at all.

“Yeah.  Because it was you.”

“Stop, you’re going to make me cry,” he joked.

“I mean it.  Just seeing you… you’re breathtaking, you know that?  I get chills just thinking about you.”

“Miles, you sure know how to charm a guy…”

Miles jumps Tristan, kissing him passionately cupping the sides of his face or whatever idk.

“Are you ever going to believe me?”

“I - Miles, it’s not that simple.”

Miles slumped back against the back of the couch.  “I know.  It’s just so unfair.  You don’t deserve what I did.”

“We’ll get through it.  
  
so then they’re all YAS LET’S DO THE DIDDLY and they makin out and shit

“Tris, wait.”

Tristan immediately took his hands off of his boyfriend, hovering them a few inches away from his body.

“You okay?”

“Uh.  Yeah, I just, I have to tell you something?”

Tristan studied him, puzzled, until Miles drew in a deep breath.

“There’s… I did something...” Miles trailed off, looking to the side in apprehension.

Tristan noted Miles’ unease, swallowing down fears of Miles’ plans to get Maya back and wind up his father.

“It appears that I got my dick pierced?”  The brunet winced.

Tristan visibly relaxed.  “Oh.  Is that it?”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, why would I be?”

“I… guess… I don’t know.”

This was one of the rare times Tristan had seen Miles anxious.  It was painful for Tristan; stirring up the protective quality that always made his heart ache for his boyfriend.

Tristan squeezed the brunet’s hand to reassure him, more affectionate for the relief he felt knowing the real reason behind Miles’ evasion.

“Miles, if that’s what you’re into, it’s fine with me.”

Hastily, the brunet clarified, “No, no, I didn’t mean to, I was drunk.”

“You were drunk.” Tristan repeated slowly.

“Very.  I don’t remember it.  I just kept it because I didn't know if it was okay to take it out.”

Tristan stifled a laugh. “Wait, was this – was this the night you and Zig were handcuffed?”

“Yyyeah, how’d you know?”

“Maya told me he’d been making some weird sounds in the shower, and not the kind you’d expect.”

“Oh my god.”  Miles pinched the bridge of his nose. “What if he remembers?”

Tristan laughed softly, then teased, “Then I’ll be very jealous.”

“Shit.  Tris, what if I… what if _we…”_

Tristan’s face fell at the thought of Miles being with someone else. Shaking his head to clear the fog forming in his mind, ???????????? he tried to be sensible and remember Zig was super straight or idk something??? i hate this sentence

“Uh, right, well.  You could ask him, if you want.  Maybe check your credit card statements to see if you bought anything else?  But I doubt you would have done anything.  His masculinity is way too fragile.”

It took a second for Miles to process the situation, remembering abruptly to respond with a nod.

“Yeah.  Yeah, that’s...  Yeah.  I'll get tested anyway; s'probably best.”

A moment of silence passed, not an awkward silence but a time of comprehension and processing ????????? i hate this sentence too

“I’m sorry.” Miles blurted out.

“We don’t even know that you did anything.  And besides, we weren’t together.”

“I uh,” Miles sighed. “I think I should go.”

“Hold on,” Tristan caught Miles’ wrist as he started off to collect his belongings.  Miles looked at their hands, feeling the beginnings of a smile at how they always seemed to be telling the other to wait so they could reassure them.  He looked so cute perched on the edge of the couch with one leg crossed underneath him.

“If you did, I forgive you,” Tristan offered, knowing.

idk what comes after this i feel like it would be too awkward and miles would just leave lmao


	29. a slap happens in this one and i am angsty about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disordered eating cw, physical violence cw

Triles have been back together for two weeks. Hanging at Tristan’s house, Miles has found a notebook on Tristan’s desk with a pen marking his page.  Curious, he opens it, because he’s never been very concerned with peoples’ privacy (Winston liking Zoë, Tris wanting to keep their relationship secret). It’s clearly a food diary, and Tris hasn’t been eating much. He stands there in shock, feeling his stomach drop, sick with worry.

 

* * *

 

“What are you doing?”

(Miles whips around, more concerned than deer-in-headlights-y.  important note: this whole scene miles never looks at tristan’s body just his eyes

(Tris grabs the book)

(uncertain) “You shouldn’t have read that.” *stuffs it in a drawer*

“Tris, you could die.”

“I know my limits. I’m not going to die.”

“Fine, then, your organs will shut down and you’ll be… tired, and weak, and -”

“I stop for _one_ day, I gain eleven pounds and it doesn’t come off for six weeks.  I’m finally happy with how I look.  I can wear what I want, I’m comfortable.  No one looks at me like they’re disgusted anymore.”

“You don’t seem happy.” 

(spat) “You don’t know _shit_.”

(resolved to stay calm) “This isn’t you. You don’t mean this.”

“Don’t you dare.” (monotone, fucking scary. similar to the way Miles said “I can’t believe you’d do this to me” because parallels af)

 “Tris, no, I’m not trying t–”

“I don’t care what you’re trying to do; I’m not going to let you do it.  This stays between us.”

“No.  No!  I – I can’t just pretend you don’t need help!”

“You’re really going to do this now?  After I _just_ gave you a second chance.  Huh.  I knew it.”

“Knew what, that I care about you?”

“Like I even believe that?”

(helpless) “Tris, I don’t know what to do.”

silence then (emotionless) “Get out.”

(miles doesn’t move)

“Leave.”

“Tris, I know it’s hard –”

“I’m _not_ mentally ill.  This is how I stay healthy.”

“You don’t have to be defensive –”

“And _you_ don’t have to be in my house get the _fuck_ out!”

“No!”

  
(here be the rumoured slap)  


(Miles is quiet, staring at the floor, then, still quietly) “I’m going to go help your mom with dinner.”

(same way he said “this seat is saved… for… not you”, also staring at the floor) “Don’t tell her.”

“I won’t.”

 (he goes to the bathroom first, to calm down before he panics)

* * *

(Miles walks to the kitchen, checks the slap mark in his phone and decides it’s fine.)

“Hey.” (smiles at mama milligan) (how tf do you punctuate ‘hey’ with a smile but not excited)

“Hi! What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if I could do anything to help.  Or, _insisting_.”

“Oh!  Well, that’s very sweet of you.  Would you mind peeling these carrots for me?”

“Sure.” (he begins to peel le carrots)

“So what’s Tristan up to?  Surely he’d rather you two be spending time together?”

“He just, ah, said I should have some bonding time with you.  You know, swap embarrassing stories…”

(wanting to believe him) “Uh-huh.”

“And he knows I like to… help.  I grew up pretty spoilt and I hate to seem ungrateful.  So.”

* * *

 

(So then later he’s stirring a pot or some shit and tris comes into the doorway and, again staring at the goddamn floor he sorta quietly murmurs) “Miles.”

(Miles looks up)

“Mom, can I borrow him?”

“Of course.”

(they go sit on a couch or sth . i headcanon that tristan’s room is upstairs and that’s too far to bother going. i have this whole floor plan in my head but i have no idea whose house it was based on??? like u know how it’s usually a place you’ve been before but idk where i got this house idea)

“I’m so sorry.  That was _awful_ of me.”

“It’s okay.  I understand.”

“That was the worst thing I could have done,  I can’t believe –”

“I forgive you.”

“(half joking) That’s too easy. I have a lot more apologising to do.”

(also half joking) “Can it wait?” (pause) “I’m… worried about you, Tris.”

“It feels like… I’m just being healthy.  It doesn’t feel like I’m crazy.”

“You’re not.”

“I don’t know.”

 _“_ You’re _not._ ” (pause) “But we need to tell your parents.”

(quickly but calmly) “– No.”

“I’m not going to do it.  But you need to.”

(silence)

“I’m really scared, Miles.”

(takes his hand) “I know.”

(tris just sits there looking angsty because good lord i want some angsty tristan shots)

“Will you come with me?”

“You want to do it now?”

“I might as well.  I’m only going to put it off, and, you’re here now so…”

* * *

 

so Tris rocks up at the kitchen holding Miles’ hand and after a reassuring nod from Miles steps forward letting go of the hand

“Mom I need to talk to you?”

(she dries her hands on a towel or something equally cliche) “What is it honey?”

“I um (glances at Miles) I haven’t been eating well?  And I’ve been exercising too much and – counting calories and obsessing over my weight and it’s – we… think I might still… have an eating disorder.”

“Oh, Tristan.” (hugs him super tight and miles is relieved and tris is boutta cry)

“I’m sorry, mom.”

“What are you talking about? It’s _not_ your fault.”

“Fixing me is going to cost a fortune and stress everyone out and I –”

“You stop right there, young man. No son of mine will go without treatment when they’re unwell.”  “Now you let me know how much you feel you can eat.  We won’t make it a big deal, we won’t watch you like hawks, we’ll just check in –”

(quickly) “– I feel like you and dad are too busy arguing to notice anything I do.  (pause, then a fast ramble) Sorry, those were nice things you were saying and that was exactly I needed to hear but while we were on the subject of problems and you were being nice I thought I should mention it. And it’s not your fault, I just felt alone and for a while I didn’t have any friends and um I had sex with a teacher? But he got fired and he doesn’t talk to me anymore. And then I was sleeping around and I thought I had chlamydia because I was scared to go to a doctor but I didn't actually. (deep breath) That’s it, that’s everything.”

(Tris’ mom is stunned af)

Miles: “Hhhhhow about we just press pause on this whole thing and, pick it up after dinner?”

(Tris looks at his mom pleading and she nods with very little coordination so it’s more like a weird jerky movement lmao).

“Okay.  Tristan, could you set the table?  Miles, do you know where the plates are?”

(then they’re at the table and tris tries to eat more than usual but it’s still not much but no one makes a big deal out of it and like someone mentions the word thin and then realises and goes oh shit and it’s awkward bc now everyone’s noticed but they move on and it’s fine)

(and they have a nice dinner and laugh and tell embarrassing stories about each other and everyone lived happily ever after)


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay gayg agyagyagyagyga

"God, it's almost nine. I have to get home before curfew."

"What? Just stay another hour. I haven't seen you all week!"

"I can't. His house, his rules."

"Why do you let your dad control you like that?"

"Because he's been a good parent to me and I respect him."

"Do you let him pick your outfits too?"

 _"My_ dad _cares_ about my well-being."

*Miles is all 'wELL THEN'*

 

"I didn't mean that, you know I didn't mean it.  I'm sorry, honey.  Please sit down, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, then why'd you say it?"

"I don't know, I wasn't thinking.  It was selfish and cruel, and I'm sorry."

"Don't you have to go home?" (coldly)

"Not until we sort this out.  Miles, you _are_ more important to me than curfew."

 

"Oh, I am, huh?  Am I more important than going shopping with Zoë?  Or student council or sleepovers with Maya?  What about Hunter?  You got lunch with _him_ yesterday but I guess my brother takes precedence over the quote ‘love of your life'."

 

A look of understanding washes over Tristan's face. ~~But when I break it I get grounded so I _can’t_ see you~~

 

"Student council and friends take maintenance.  And so do you but I… haven't been a very good friend lately so I'm trying to work on that.  I'm sorry about what I said.  And I'm sorry that we haven't spent time together in a while.  But I came over tonight, didn't I?  I made time for you.  I’ve missed you too."

 

Miles scoffs.

 

"Hey, I know it's been tough on you.  That's why I put that note in your locker yesterday.  I can't be perfect and _we_ can't be perfect all the time.  That's just how life is."

"I know."

"I know you know.  Just... I have commitments that I can't break and sometimes things come up but I thought we'd be okay.  I thought you'd understand and be patient until things clear up."

 

"Now I'm the bad guy.  Great."

"No, no, I didn't mean to sound like that.  I'm just trying to say... we're stronger than that.  You know I love you and I love spending time with you."

 

*pulls him down to the couch and wraps arms around his waist like the fucking CUTIE PIES THEY ARE*

 

"I miss you every second I'm not with you but there are other people in my life, and I need them, and they need me.  Please just give me some room to move here.  I promise I'll make it up to you soon.  Honey, I promise."

"You can't promise that.  'Things come up', right?"

"Miles, you're my favourite person to spend time with.  You're not something I schedule in like rehearsals and study groups.  Don't you get it?  My calendar is all you by default, and everything else just cuts into my time with you."

"Yeah?" (kinda meek but also Milesy unsureness)

"Yeah." (affectionate tiny laugh thing)

 

*soft kissy warm kissy little ball of schmoop*

 

"You should go."

"I'm sorry."

"S'okay.  I understand."

(touched) "I love you."

"I love you too, Tris."

 

With one final squeeze of his hand, Tristan headed for the door, but had one last thing to say.

“See if you can ‘accidentally’ drop by tomorrow at six.  If you can _promise_ all we’ll do is study, we can have two whole hours to ourselves,” he tempted.

“I’ll be there.”

Miles watched through the window as his boyfriend walked to his car.  Tristan retrieved his phone ?????????????

“Dad?  Hey, I might be a few minutes late home; Miles and I had to talk something over just as I was leaving...  I know, I’m so sorry...  _Yes_ , I still _love_ him - I’m not getting rid of your ‘third son’ anytime soon.”

 

(unlocking his car and opening the door) “Yeah.  I will.  Love you.”

 

When Tristan was alone in his car ?????? he hung up and took a deep breath and gripped his  hair and started to cry adn then he did that thing where u semi-gently hit yrself in the head a few times??????????? bc he’s like stressed and feels super awful that he can’t juggle everything so he just sorta cries into the steering wheel and then miles knocks on his window and he’s like HUWHAAAH *wipes tears away*

 

“What are you doing out here?”

“I love you.  And I’ll wait for you.  I don’t care how long the line for you is, I’ll be in it.”

“But what if it’s really long?”

“Good things come to those who wait, right?”

“Do you think - I mean, I’ve made a lot of choices that take me away from you.  I guess, what I’m asking is… do you blame me for that?”

“Says the one actually achieving things.”

“Miles.”

“No, I don’t blame you.  I’m happy you’re doing all these things for yourself and for your future.  I’m not so happy about you being stressed, but I don’t want to be a part of that.  I’m going to be patient, like you said.  I’m going to be whatever you need, whenever you need it.”

“Thank you.”

*kissy kissy smoochy doodley doo*

“Please don’t cry while you’re driving.”

Tristan laughs through his FUCKING CASCADING TEARS THEY JUST WON’T STOP HE’S JUST BOTTLED UP SO MANY GODDAMN TEARS and says “I’ll try not to.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

an den he drive awey


	31. Chapter 31

Hot cocoa warming tris’ hands, he’s under a big blanket, looking up at miles holding two DVDs, tris is smiling that he doesn’t care, he’s not just speaking the words, he’s smiling them, just happy to be watching films with his Miles. ?????????////////// fuck it

After watching lazily through the whole credits, ?????????

“The movie’s over,” Tris whispers, as the menu screen music plays softly.  
“I know.”  
“Should we put another one on?”  
“I… don’t want to move.”  
*Tristan laughs and affectionately pats his face* ?????? “Me neither.”  
“I do want to kiss you though.”  
“Mm, so why don’t you?”  
“Because,” Miles shifts around to face Tristan, “I don’t know if I’d be able to keep it that innocent.”  
“Who said you have to?”  
“I always feel like I don’t have enough snuggling time with you. It’s the perfect evening for it, no?”  
“You can give me little kisses then.”  
“Can I?”  
“I’ll make sure you do.”


	32. Chapter 32

“You look a little shaken; do you wanna take it back?”

“No.  Never.”

(melty schmoopy kiss, Miles pulls away)

“I love you too.”

(melty schmoopy kiss, Tristan pulls away)

“Do you mean it?”

“Yes, of course, so much, I love you.” (squeezing his hand, looking serious like genuine kinda thing??? Like that face ppl use when they need u to listen and understand and believe this thing bc it’s serious)

(melty schmoopy kiss, Tristan pulls away)

“Then why didn’t you say it?”

“I wanted to, I was just… scared you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“Come on, I’ve loved you since the day we met.”

(melty schmoopy kiss, Miles pulls away)

“I don’t know when ‘you’re-a-great-friend’ love turned into ‘kiss-me-forever’ love but it did and you’re not kissing me.”

(melty schmoopy kiss, like Tristan’s apologising for the not kissing and it kinda slows down on its own and stops?? lol)

“Well, that was a wild three minutes.”

(Miles laughs in agreement then goes back to le heavy breathing and heart eyes)

“Miles, could you…”

(Miles is question face tilty head what)

“Could you say it again?”

 “Tristan Milligan, I am head-over-heels in love with you.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from otpprompts: One day, Person A just breaks down crying in the bathroom. B finds them and stays with them for hours, eventually coaxing A out. Person B ends up hugging A and making them a cup of tea and cuddling them until they fall asleep.

after a minute of gently asking if he wanted to talk tris would ask if miles wanted him to leave and he'd say something dumb like 'you should just leave me forever' and tris would be like 'k I’m definitely staying until you stop saying shit like that' even if he had important shit to do and he'd talk a little about the lovely things he thought about miles when he was just getting to know him and the wonderful things he knew about him now

and he'd listen to his lil sobbing fits and his heart would break for him every time but he'd pretend to be calm and collected and speak softly about how he knew for absolutely certain that he'd get through this and that he is a good person at heart but the good things he tried to do all got messed up somewhere out of his control and it's not his fault

"You can be good for people. You're good at heart. Even if you don't think you are for whatever reason, even if you don’t think any of it counts because of your own flawed reasoning, you still did all the good stuff, it was still valid to everyone else. And it works the other way – a lot of the times you hurt people, that I saw, at least, you were trying to do the right thing."

and miles would come out looking all puffy faced and ashamed of it and tris would give him a quick soft kiss and look at him like he was the world and hold his hand and they'd silently (which miles is grateful for) walk out and go watch jimeoin or some shit and miles would laugh and tris would look at him and smile and cuddle up

and then when it ends miles would pause it and apologise and tris would be like 'shut the fuck up??? don't' and miles would be like 'but you missed your thing' and tris would be like 'there'll be other things' 'there'll be other breakdowns' ‘okay, but i need you to know i'm here no matter what' 'ily' 'ily2' *smoochies*


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let miles be pan

”Can I buy you a drink?”

*touches tristan's chest, he recoils, then tries to be polite*  
“Sorry I can't, I'm taken.”

[tris to bartender, leaning over counter with a sparkling smile]   
“Can I get two strawberry martinis please?”

“Yeah? Where is he?”

Tristan turns back to the guy, rolling his eyes.

“If you must know, he’s right over there.”

[he points. miles is dancing with zoë and her gf (who are dancing together so u kno the dude can tell it’s little boy blue)]

“Mm, cute little twink. Why don't you bring him with you?”

*slightly offended and very grossed out* “I told you I'm not interested.”

“How do you know _he_ isn’t?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

[nonchalant, perusing the bottles behind the bar or smelling his wine like a pretentious asshole)   
“He could be into sharing. You ever brought it up?”

“Listen, _buddy_. If that were something he wanted, I would know about it.”

“C'mon, at least tell me your name.”

Loudly, Tristan repeats, “I'm not interested!”

People turn and the dude slinks away, scowling at Tristan.

 

Tris pulls Miles aside later, interlocking their fingers and playing with them while he gathers the courage to speak

“Am I enough for you?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I’ve just been thinking, you know… I’m the only guy you’ve ever been with. And maybe you... _miss_ girls. I shouldn’t stop you from… exploring other bodies or whatever.”

“Tris, I…”

“You do, don’t you? God, I knew he was right.”

“Who was right? Never mind, look, I don’t think you understand how this works. For me, I’m not into bodies.  I’m into people.  I’m into you.”

“So you don’t mind that I’m just me?”

“ _Just_ you?”

“Okay, okay… but…”

“You’re all I want. And I love making you feel good with whatever resources I have available.  That’s it.”

“So… you don’t think _anyone_ is hot?”

Miles chuckles. “Well, yeah, some people are objectively hot. I just usually don’t want to bang people until I get to know them.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> imagine if miles wrote tris a love letter like this

For me,

You are sunshine on winter-pale skin. You’re freshly cut grass, you’re chocolate, you’re a good night’s sleep, you’re summer break and Christmas and birthdays all at once.  You’re a thousand new favourite songs.  You’re the sound of crunching leaves and the sound of crunching snow.  You’re the sound of your deep breaths just before you fall asleep.  You’re the glances and snickers we share in class.  You’re the delight I see on your face as you race to the window when lightning crosses the sky.  You’re the fingertips you trace along my thighs. You’re the way your eyes can smile on their own.  You’re the obscure pop culture references that you have to explain to me. You’re the comfort of your warm skin beside mine.

You’re the curve of your lips as you kiss me. You’re the exhilaration of your hot breath against my skin.  You’re my racing heartbeat seeing you on opening night.  You’re all the video games I don’t care that I lost when you kissed me. You’re the quiet of being deep underwater and the roar of the water around me when I come back up. You’re the favours I agree to without knowing what they are.  You’re our hips brushing together.  You’re the days when you don’t style your hair and it’s just as gorgeous. You’re a blank page with flames curling up the sides.  You’re the way you fall asleep during movies and my arm goes numb but you look so cute and peaceful I just can’t wake you up.  You’re dark colours, dark humour, dark streaks I left on your skin. You’re the shy smiles you don’t need to hide behind your hands.

You’re the fact that you can turn any mundanity into a fascinating story. You’re the Broadway tunes you sing in the shower knowing just how much I love your voice. You’re driving down a windy highway in summer with no destination, no traffic and a mix CD of all my favourite bands. You’re the way you don’t distract me because you know I’m writing.  You’re a firm grip on my hand, on my neck, on my thigh. 

You’re all the best things in the world but better.

 

For you,

I hope I’m the taste of your tongue on mine. I hope I’m the crinkles by your eyes when you smile. I hope I’m the way my heart stutters when you squeeze my hand. I hope I’m the feeling of loud music blocking out everything but the feeling of flying.  I hope I’m the way my breath catches when I see you all dressed up.  I hope I’m the money you find in clothes you haven’t worn in months.  I hope I’m the one that always knows when you need encouragement or a kiss or silence.  I hope I’m a higher grade than you were expecting.  I hope I’m flavoured lattes in winter.  I hope I’m fast wifi when you’re waiting for something.  I hope I’m a sunrise that takes your breath away.

I hope I’m a long shower late at night. I hope I’m snuggles under a soft blanket when it’s raining.  I hope I’m tight hugs and funny cat videos and … I hope I’m nostalgia that doesn’t hurt and reminiscing with friends.  I hope I’m homemade meals and watching movies snuggled under a soft blanket. I hope I’m clouds that look like other things. I hope I’m whispers about our plans for tomorrow as we drift off. I hope I’m a captivating film you never want to end. 

I hope I’m the feeling of being enough, being trusted, being understood, and so much more. I hope I’m the feeling of temperate sand under your feet and a cool bottle of water in your hand. I hope I’m my skin under your teeth as your cravings are satiated, and waking up the next morning having slept well. I hope I’m the smell of your hair dye, or of old books, or of pine trees ready for decoration. I hope I’m the feeling of your bare skin against mine while you catch your breath. I hope I’m cute new clothes and your favourite cologne. I hope I’m soft blankets and cuddles and hot chocolate in front of a fire.I hope I’m passionate lovemaking that drives you wild and satisfies you, and when it’s over you smile for the longest time. I hope I’m the feeling of taking a perfect selfie, and posting it to a positive response. I hope I’m standing ovations and good ratings, recognition for how hard I know you work.

 

I hope I’m all the best things in the world but better.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> brrrring brrrring i'm trash

“Hey Tris!”

“Hey - can I stay with you tonight?”

“Yeah, sure, of course.  Something wrong?”

“Thank you, so much.  It’s really fine; I just need somewhere to crash for a night.  I’ll see you soon.”

 

Miles opens the door with a grin.

“I’m sorry to spring this on you.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re always welcome at Casa de Hollingsworth.”

“Thanks.  I just needed somewhere I felt safe.”

Miles’ face fell. “Oh.  Are your parents – like, getting violent?”

“No, no, it’s not like that.  It’s just more stressful at home, and I can’t focus on my homework or my lines.”

“Ah, well, I can’t guarantee you’ll be able to focus with me here…”

Tristan gives him a look (DESCRIBE LOOK)

“I’m kidding.  I’ll keep quiet for you.”

“Thank you. *takes his hand setting down his bag *

“Thought you would have picked Maya though.”

“Well, with Zig still there and all the cello playing… plus they’ve got, like, zero space for me.”

“Ah, so it’s my _mansion_ you were after.”

“No,” he laughed ??? “It’s really not that. I don’t know.  It’s you, I guess. You don’t keep me on my toes all the time.  I can like, totally relax around you.”

Miles is glad. “Just to be clear, I’m not like, _expecting_ anything to happen tonight.”

“Is it bad that I didn’t even think of that?”

Miles grinned and shook his head.  “Come on.  Let’s get working.”

“You’re doing homework too?” Tristan asked as he retrieved his textbooks.

“Well, I’m going to feel bad if you’re doing tedious work and I’m ignoring mine.”

 “You don’t have to.  It’s your room;  I’ll just be in the corner.”

“Uhh, no you won’t.  You’ll be up here with me, where it’s comfortable.” Miles leads Tristan to his bed where he sits down.

Tristan begins to argue but Miles interrupts.

“You’re my boyfriend!  You get to share my space whenever you want.”  Miles caps the sentiment off with a light tap to Tristan’s nose, making him smile.

“Are you sure?  I really don’t want to be a bother.”

“This _conversation_ is a bother.”

 

“Well… maybe just one kiss…”

M: “No, come on.  You know that’ll only lead to a three hour make out.”

“Fiiiine.”

Then Tristan jumped forward and pecked Miles’ lips or something id kjust like and thehn he pretends nothing happened and miles says something and he’s all “it was worth it though”

 

and then there’s some fluffy intermittent moments where they rest on each other’s shoulders and absent mindedly play with their hair and tris is mouthing his lines and miles watches him for like  a year until he goes “fuck were you watching me the whole time”


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinky, consent dialogue, just myriad sex scenes (unfinished as usual. that's the deal here) bc ocd makes it really hard for me to just delete bad things sorry u have to see this

“No, no no, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!”

“You want me to keep going?”

 _“Yes_ , god, please!”

“You gonna go silent on me again?”

“No, I’m not, I promise-”

Tristan drags one fingertip along the length of his partner’s cock. Miles didn’t catch the glint in his eye but heard it in his voice:

“What are you going to do for me, Miles?

“I – ah – I’m gonna moan –“

“Mm?” (spurring to continue)

“I’m gonna moan, I’m gonna scream for you,” Miles’ mouth fell open then, because Tristan’s other hand had brushed over his nipple, and after a second he remembered to let out the groan he’d been trying so hard to  prevent.

“Yeah? You gonna beg?”

“Please, Tris, touch me…”

“I _am_ touching you.”

“More, moremoremore please more,” Miles pleaded.

“Like this?”

“Ahh! Yes, thank you, thank you, oh _fuck_ , so good...”

 

* * *

 

T: “You’d like that, huh? Want someone to walk in and see what I do to you?”

“… Well, actually, no, that’s not very hot, honestly.”

Tristan stills momentarily, then continues.

“Right, sorry.  I feel the same, actually.  I guess I’m not very good at dirty talk.”

“You don’t have to be, you know,” Miles turns his head into his shoulder in an attempt to look back toward Tristan.  “I like you for you.”

“Awh.  That’s sweet.”

“ _You’re_ sweet.”

“No, _you’re_ sweet.”

Miles just laughs, shaking his head at his lover and gripping the edge of the table at a particularly hard thrust.

“Ah, you’re so deep,” Miles groans, reaching an arm backward to touch the hand Tristan had fixed to his hip.

“Yeah?  You’re taking all of me.”

Tristan can’t see how Miles bites his lip to hide a smile at the thought.

“But that’s not exactly hard.  I mean, _I’m_ hard, but… never mind.”

Miles chuckled again, feeling a rush of fondness for the boy, prompting him to stand up and twist around to face Tristan???

“I wanna try something else.  That okay?”

“Uh, depends what it is.”

“Right.  Uh, just, sit down over here.” Miles gestured to the bed and Tristan complied.

“So what are w-mmh!” Miles silenced him with a peck on his lips, and settled himself over Tristan’s hips.

“Ooh, I think I’m gonna like this,” Tristan grinned.

“I wanna see you. I wanna… gaze into your eyes or whatever.  I wanna be the one that does the hard work.”

Miles SITS ON HIS DICK and awwwwwww they make love and it'ss so  cute cutE CUTE OS CUTE

* * *

“Where are we going?”  
Miles leads him to a white door in a part of the mansion he had never seen before or sth  
Guides him inside and locks the door behind them, spinning on his heel  
“I figured this bed deserves to see some action” (describe bed as rly nice)  
“Miles, this is kind of...”  
“Kind of what?” he prompts  
“Not sexy.”  
“Oh, no?” (miles steps forward and places his hands on tristan's waist. (whispered next to his ear as he draws tristan's body closer)  
“Then I guess I'll have to make up for that.”

Miles kisses slowly softly along his neck and jaw, trying to entice his boyfriend, who wasn’t having any of it.

"When you said you had something exciting planned I was thinking more along the lines of melted chocolate, not defiling your parents' bed.”

* * *

 

ok which would happen first: miles wears a mistletoe shirt implying tris has to suck his dick, or tris puts mistletoe up in a hallway they use a lot  
  
i think tris loves christmas and puts christmas stuff up on like november first and takes it down in march so he would do that first  
  
and. imagine the kisses  
  
miles would get up specifically to meet him under the mistletoe  
  
and then tris would pretend to be annoyed but he can't help smiling  
  
and miles is flirty with his eyes and pulls him close and waits another moment to be annoying and then the sweetest kiss you ever saw  
  
so sweet. so gorgeous. so much love and respect and comfort in that kiss  
  
and neither one wants to make the first move to make it sexual so they just kiss like that for like two entire minutes, and it just feels so nice and good and warm and right

* * *

now idk about male bathroom etiquette but i'm really into the image of tristan in that weird floral shirt from the promos standing at a urinal peeing his heart out when miles, his ex and arch enemy, walks in and sees his dick for the first time :)

he stops peeing bc shock and miles turns away awkwardly and tris can't start peeing again bc he's so uncomfortable :)

eventually tris says 'can you leave' and miles is like 'i have to pee' :)

so tris does this exasperated sigh and for a while they're both kinda like 'what do' :)

then miles is just like ok fuck it and walks over and whips his dick out too and just pees without a care in the world :)

and tris is still standing there halfway through peeing still holding his dick feeling unbearably awkward right :)

and miles is like 'at least you're bigger than me' and tristan refuses to look :)

and miles tucks himself back in and walks up to him ok :)

and he puts his hand on the far side of tristan's neck and tris jerks away like ??? the fuck you doing??!!!! and miles just holds his neck again :)

and he presses his lips to the closer side of tristan's neck :)

and he doesn't respond or move or even blink :)

he's just praying no one walks in on this :)

but miles starts kissing softly up to his jaw :)

and tristan's adam's apple is bobbing like do i wanna growl at him or let out a high pitched moan but at the same time his heart is racing and he needs to pee and he's angry and miles' thumb is caressing his skin and their lips are getting closer and there's all these thoughts and sensations until miles whispers 'let go' and he does :)

* * *

After a nice date:

Miles unlocked the door and let Tristan past.  Once the door was closed behind them, Miles turned to discover Tristan wearing a lustful expression as he shoved his partner back against it with a hand on his chest.

"From this second on you will do exactly what I say when I say it.  Understand?"

Miles exhaled shakily, instantly weak at the raven haired boy's sudden change in demeanour.  
"God, yes."

Tristan gripped the fabric of his boyfriend's shirt and nipped at his bottom lip before commanding, "Bedroom."

**\---**

“On your knees.”

Miles obeyed without protest to (find himself looking up at his boyfriend.)

(to watch his boyfriend’s eyes dutifully despite his peripheral vision catching??? )

???

(Tristan whips the dick out)

“Suck.”

So Miles did. Starting off slow, he steadied the base of Tristan’s cock with one hand and surrounded the tip like a kiss. ?

???

“All of it.”

(Miles is like :O ) Miles hadn’t had much success deep-throating in the past but for this, he was determined to try.

???

“You’re a talented little whore, aren’t you?”

Miles stilled, taken aback by the ?

“Too much?”

“It’s fine,” Miles laughed.  He returned (his mouth???) to sucking temporarily?? For a moment?? before Tristan pressed against his shoulders to stop him??? Push him off/away??

“N-no, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t even use that word.”

Miles sat back on his ((haunches???? Laurels? Legs?? I hate that word lmao ??? heels??)) put (?? Lowered??) his hands in his lap, looking up???.  “You always get so worked up about this stuff.  I told you, it’s fine.  Now let me suck your dick!”

“I don’t deserve a blowjob,”  Tristan sighed dramatically, sinking down onto Miles’ bed.

“I was just shocked to hear you talk like that.  To be honest, I… I really liked it.”

(tris does something else grumbly or w/e)

“Okay,” Miles said slowly, “Well, what if I told you I _wanted_ to suck you off?”

“Come on.  No one _actually_ likes giving blow jobs.”

“I do.  Because I get to watch you.  I get to please you...  Sir.”  He added uncertainly, delighted?? to find that Tristan’s dejected expression hardened.

“Take off your clothes.”

A wicked smile crossed Miles’ face

“Yes, sir.”

Within seconds his shirt had flown across the room and he’d kicked his shoes off with his jeans and boxers.  He stood in front of Tristan, who now sat on the edge of the bed with his arms leaning backwards???? idk

“Touch yourself.  Slowly.”

Miles’ (gaze moved to tristan’s dick) as he brushed his fingertips up his thighs and curled one hand around the base of his (cock ?? member?? Idk somene said to pick one or  two and use them throughout), the other (?? Sliding further up to scratch lightly over  the skin on his stomach/abdomen? run over his nipples?? or something about thigh/balls). his canines sunk into his lower lip, his eyes fell closed (move this to later??))

driving him mad

“Eyes on me.”

Miles struggled to obey, lids fluttering, cut off moans and hitched breaths filling the room?? Air??

“Stop.” (he lays on the bed)

“Come here.”

Unsure of exactly what Tristan wanted, Miles settled himself across his legs

 

“Both.”

(Frottage happens lol) 

 

“Sir, may I cum?” strained

“Not until I do.”

“Hah – ahh – please sir, let me cum.”

Tristan waited a few moments, then, “Cum now."

 

“I didn’t get to kiss you that whole time.”

“I’m sure we can make other arrangements/figure something out/do something about that/catch up/”

* * *

Miles cries about something and tris comforts him and there are little kisses and then bigger kisses then they’re fULL ON MAKIN OUT IWTH TONGUES FLYING EVERYWHERE and miles is all

“We don’t have to do anything else.  It’s not fair.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t ask you to sleep with me out of guilt, or sympathy or whatever.  I don’t want you to regret it.  Or feel like you have to.”

“I want to.”

Tristan began a tirade of slow pecks down Miles’ neck, lifting a knee over to straddle Miles.

“Ah, yep, I can see that.”  The brunet pulled back, trying to put some distance between them.

Tristan sighed and sat back on their legs.

“Miles, I would feel comfortable telling you if I wasn’t sure about something.”

“Yeah?”

“And it’s not sympathy.  I want to make you feel good all the time.  Not just now.”

Affectionate pat on trissyboo’s face

"And I really want to let you, I'm just... I'm not feeling it right now."

"Okay.  That's totally okay," Tristan said softly and shuffled around to sit next to Miles.

"Knowing about what happened to you… I’m scared I’ll hurt you.  I don’t want to be like him.”

“I’m not the pushover I used to be.  You don’t have to worry about me not speaking up.  I love talking.  You know me, I’ll talk about anything.”

Miles gives a soft laugh and looks Tristan in the eye.

[“Aren’t we just great together?”

“The greatest.” ]?

* * *

 

Miles' hand brushes against Tristan's dick while they're in a bath tub because aw

“I told you to behave yourself.” (laughter/amusement in his voice)

Miles grabs at Tristan’s hips and whirls him around while he loudly exclaims “oh, what the fuck” until he’s set down side by side with Miles, connected by skin…

“Just a kiss then.”

Tristan makes a point of only turning his head for a quick peck while his counterpart? Kisses with his entire body, grabbing? Grasping? Gently at his thigh and leaning into him, following his lips as they pull away.

“… one more.”  
“No!” Tristan says loudly, unexpectedly harsh kinda thing. Out of place bc he didn’t seem that annoyed before. ?

“Miles, I want you to prove to me that you can do this.”

“Do what?”

“Be with me in a non-sexual setting. Can’t we just…” (picks at nails or sth) “Be together? Why does everything have to end with you wanting to fuck me?”

Realising, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I know you mean well. I know that’s how you express how you feel about me. And usually, I love that. Just... sometimes I want more. 

(touching him somehow) "Tris, I’m _so_ sorry –"

"You’re doing it again, you want to kiss me because you think it’ll help but it won’t, okay? I need you to learn – “ he stops, realising he’s ranting, being too harsh, starts again quieter. "People are still saying you’re –"

“What do you care about people?”

“They’re just trying to help.”

"They’re saying you’re just going through a phase and you just want to touch another dick."

"No. No. It’s yours. Tris, it’s you."

Tris smiles and softens. "I have got to stop letting myself be alone with you."

...

“We’ll get cum all over us.”

“We’ll take a shower.”

* * *

so miles comes to his room at 4:26am or whatever random time he was born and sings just the words 'happy birthday mr president' all seductive and marilyn monroe-like (because tris would be cultured like that and love it) and miles gives him a sweet birthday kiss that turns into sultry and tris is still half asleep with squinty eyes like 'mmm what are you doing here'

anyway miles gets under the covers with him and quickly scooches up close and says 'birthday sex part one, so you can fall asleep again in my arms. after i make you fall in love with your own body, of course.’

and tris is like lol what the fuck does that even mean

so miles whispers lemme show you.

and then he disappears under the covers, tris is practically shivering with excitement, and then he feels it and moans way too loud. miles' hands aren't on his dick tho. they're on his thighs. slowly caressing. he didn't know it could feel that good. They’re just thighs, right? but there's something so intimate about his boyfriend carefully, gently loving the body he works so hard to change, and then he feels lips. chapped, wet from their kiss but he wouldn't have it any other way, they're miles', those lips are miles' but no, they're tristan's and only tristan's

he feels his heart squeeze so much he has to blink back tears, remind himself it's just because it's his birthday, there's no need to get overwhelmed, this isn't going to be a regular occurrence, but miles dragging his thumbs along his thighs, touching his lips higher and higher... it feels like the skin didn't even exist before.

* * *

My body tenses up when he opens the door. I even cover myself, which is the stupidest thing because we’ve already slept together countless times, plus the steam fogs the glass up. He gives me a smile. It’s not so much a smile as it’s a question. I’m nervous. I’ve never done this before. Has he done this before? I nod

He strips down slowly, gracelessly. He slides the door open and steps in. Why is this so different? He puts one hand on my waist, then the other. Oh, god.

“I can’t d-” but I stop there.

So he stops all movement of his hands and looks into my eyes in that way he does, but I’m still nervous. I’m getting frustrated with myself now. I don’t know what I want.

I don’t say anything else for a while. This. This is too much.

“D'ywant me to go?”

“Yes? No. No – I’m sorry. Stay. Just. Give me time to… get used to it.”

“‘Course. Sorry I didn’t ask.”

“If you had I wouldn’t have known how unreasonably scary this would be.”

So it’s up to me.

I don’t know what to do here so I just sort of continue washing my hair. He doesn’t seem to mind, but he’s just watching me. Waiting for something.

“Can you go? God, I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is, I -”

“Don’t worry. It’s cool. This… doesn’t have to happen if you’re not cool with it.”

This is weird tbh i should go to bed

* * *

“Fuck, stopstopstop.”

He groans, throwing his head back against the headboard with a bang.

Tristan, on his right, begins to disapproval. “Hey, don’t –”

“I want it so bad, Tris.”

Rubbing soothing circles on ? “We’ll get there.”

?

“Oh, my god.”  “No, no, keep going. It’s m – ahhhhah – it’s my breathing. I’m breathing like I’m having a panic attack.”

“So… if… can you stop?”

“I don’t know.  Like, yeah, but I don’t know how long for.” Still, determined, Miles took in a deep breath and released it slowly through his parted lips. “J – ah, just keep talking to me.”

Tristan tries to keep his smile comforting and small. “Good, you’re doing so good, baby.”

“Hah - you can be excited; we figured it out.”

Tristan breaks – he squeals ? and kisses ? Miles

“I can’t guarantee anything –”

“I know.  But this is good; we can work with this.”

”You feel good?”

?

“Stop – fuck, _damnit! Shit!_ ” he cursed as Tristan withdrew. “I’m sorry, I thought I had it.”

“Is it maybe that you _want_ me to keep going? Is it a kinky thing?”

“No. I don’t know what it is.”

Curled up beside Miles, resting his hand on his abdomen as he had every other time Miles had ended up having to jerk himself off.

“I still want you to cum tonight.” He presses his lips to Miles’ shoulder and leaves them there, watching Miles’ clenched jaw and ? expression.

Miles Realisation thingy

“Hold on – gimme that hand.”

Miles places his right hand over Tristan’s and fits their fingers together, curling them around his dick.

Tristan has to shift up on his elbow to balance.

“At least my arm is getting a workout,” Tristan offered.

“No, it’s not; I have to be in control,” Miles murmured, concentrating on positioning Tristan’s hand just right.

(and later he's like 'why am I the one with a problem' (bc tris was abused))

puts his fingers between them so it’s tristan’s palm on his dick with miles’ palm on the back of tristan’s hand?? does that make sense?

and then he can cum and it's all fine bc he has dick rehab with tris three times weekly and it's sweet

 

 

 

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stopped caring so long ago y'all

Tristan calls Miles on a Saturday morning and says they need to talk.

“Why?

“I don’t want to do this over the phone; I want to see you.”

“What’s wrong, Tris?”

“Can I come over?”

(exasperated sigh) “I - I’ll be home at four after my psych appointment, is that too late? Or should I cancel it?”

“No, no, don’t.  Just… yeah.”

“Tris, what is it?”

“I’ll tell you when I see you, okay?”

“You’re being evasive.  Am I going to need to talk to my psych about it?  Because maybe I should reschedule.”

“We’ll _both_ be fine, Miles.  Don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry?  Tris, I have  _panic_ disorder.”

Tristan is quiet for a moment.

“Tell me.”

“I’ve been accepted to a college in New York.  It’s not that far away, but still.  I… I wanna go.  I’m going.”

The line goes dead.

Tris tries to call back and gets his voicemail.

He texts “I want to make this work please be safe I promise we can get through this”

reply says “I’m fine. See you at four”

Tris sends Frankie to check on him two minutes later and he’s playing a video game in the living room.

“I’m fine, now go away.”

“What?”

“I know Tristan sent you.  You don’t have to talk to me; I’m fine.”

“He didn’t ask me to _talk_ to you.”

“Then don’t.”

He's still playing the same thing, with a half-eaten sandwich plate on the table (he skipped seeing his psych? wouldn't tell tris if true), when Tris arrives.

He knocks lightly(?), knowing Miles can hear, but is notably ignored.

He comes in anyway, and perches on a recliner.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Miles continues gaming.

“You gonna look at me?” Tristan tries to joke, but the tension is too weighty.

Miles is quiet.

“I want to talk about this.”

“I’m listening.”

t (quietly): yeah, kinda like how your mom was listening when u said u almost relapsed

Miles turns to him, pausing his game without looking at his controller. “Don't compare me to my parents. Don't you dare ever say I'm anything like them.”

Tristan looks at his hands (does he do this later too?) “It's the only way I could get you to notice me.”  
Miles: “Am I cheating on you?  Am I doing things that give you panic attacks? Am I hitting you? No. I am nothing like them.”

“You’re being selfish.”  Tristan fires back.

“This is completely different.”

Tristan doesn’t believe this, but Miles “Yes, you're kinda right. I'm sorry.”  
m: kinda?  
t: okay I'm gonna go so you can cool off. lmk if you're ever ready to talk about this.  
“Ever?! I told you to come here!”  
“And you wouldn't look at me when I did.”  
“You're not gonna look at me for four years.  Probably longer.”  
“I came here to discuss how I can make it easier on _you_. I have to do this for my career. It's the only way someone like me can make it in this industry and even then it’s not a sure thing. I have to uproot my entire life for this and it's going to suck for _both_ of us but I'm here because I care about you and I want to figure out what I can do to make sure you know I've done my best.

Maybe you need to sleep on it, maybe you need me to go so you can think of what you need from me.

No, don’t – don’t go.  I don’t want to fucking miss you any more than I have to.

You’re the one who’s always saying you just want me to be happy, you want me to do what’s right for me, you don’t want to be in the way of my career.  And I get that this is hard for you, I know, and I’m sorry, but I’m not going to sacrifice this opportunity.  
But I need you on my side  
and I don’t want us going into college and this internship, changing environments and everything, I don’t want us to be dealing with a break-up too.

you remember drew torres? worked for my dad?  
adam's brother?  
yeah. his girlfriend went away to college and she completely changed. she came home for thanksgiving a few months later and dumped him.

Look how much _I’ve_ changed since we met, and I’m still in love with you.

“Miles, I knew I could never really give up on us from the moment I knew I loved you.”  
“And when was that?”  
“When – (deep exhale) – after we had that big fight and I got you coffee and you said that thing about how I shouldn't want you to be addicted to caffeine or whatever... that coldness hurt so much I knew it couldn't be anything but love. I needed you back, I needed to be allowed to love you.  From the second you chose not to sit by me I was trying desperately to figure out how to get you back.  And I played it off as nothing because I knew Winston wasn't a fan of me but –” he swallows. “My heart fucking soared when I thought of that stupid sushi picnic. I'm sorry, I'm not bringing this up to make you feel bad – I just.”  
“I asked.”  
“Yeah.”  
They sat in calm silence.  
“And from that moment every thought of you, every time I tried to get you back or let you go, every second of my life I went through it with the knowledge that I loved you and that I couldn't stop.

I tried dating other people, I tried getting revenge on you, I spent months trying to ignore you, hoping it would stop hurting but nothing made me stop loving you.

And even after all of that, I wouldn't change it for the world.  
“If this is how it had to be so that I can have you... even one minute of knowing you love me back is enough to make up for all of it.”

“If you find yourself falling out of love with me –”  
firmly, “I won’t.”   
“But _if_.  I know things are going to be different and you'll have all these cool new friends and I'll just be here, home, but... please make time for me.”  
“I will, I promise.  I love spending time with you, and talking to you, and loving you.  It feels good.  Even right now it hurts but I'm still happy in a weird way.”

Miles can’t stop himself continuing, “And I know it's not my place to say this considering all the things I've done but – if you meet anyone else please don't lie to yourself and let it happen. Don't tell yourself it's nothing if it's something.”  
“I wouldn't but I will never forget those words you just said.”

“If one of us has to reschedule a skype date,   
“I'll text you all the time.  Even more than I do now.  And… we can meet in the middle, find a motel every weekend and just be together.”

“Maybe not _every_ weekend, yeah?  Bit stressful for both of us?”

“I'm going to miss you, Tris.  I'm going to miss your smile, and your voice, and the way you smell and touching you and I don't know how I'm going to learn to sleep without you.”

“You already do all the time.”

“I sleep better when I’m with you.”

Tris takes his hand and reminds him, “We still have all summer.  I won’t spend a second away from you.”

“That’ll make it harder.”

…. “So what do we do?

M: I’m not the one giving up on us  
T: I’m not either! I’m here, I’m asking you what you need, I’m trying my best, babe.

 

t:you're gonna change too. you’ll meet new people at your internship. i'll still be texting you all the time, and I'll call every night if you want me to. we can meet in the middle on weekends - until you get too busy.

Just know that this determination, this wanting to make it work, the… intensity of how I feel right now, I’m going to remember it and know that you are worth making time for. And I’m not giving up on us.  
Unless you want that.

Miles looks up, silent. “Why would you think I wanted that?”

“You don’t seem as sure as I do that we can make it work.”

“Tris, you’re not gonna have time for me.  These past two years you’ve been busy with extra-curriculars, and study, and you keep telling me it’s just until you get into college. And now you’re going to be hours away, across the fucking border, you’ll probably have to get a part time job too because you won’t let me help you –”

“I don’t want his dirty money.”

“And after you graduate, then what? You’ll probably already have had roles all over the place, you’ll probably move to LA because you’re on fucking Vampire Horror Story.  And not that you’ve _asked_ me but I don’t want to move to the US.”

“Did you want me to ask you?”

“No. I don’t know.”

“I knew you had this internship and you were really excited.”

“I – yeah.  I know… But if I want to see you, I can’t just text you and be there in ten minutes.  We can’t meet up for coffee or sex, we have to drive six hours and take our passports!”

Tristan is quiet for a moment looking at his hands. “I’m going.”

“I know.  I don’t want you _not_ to.”

“I love you.” he manages through the lump in his throat.

“I love you too.”

“Do you not think we can work?”

“I think you’ll change your mind.  I think you’ll meet cool new people and decide I’m not right for you anymore.”


	39. Chapter 39

tris pausing west drive bc miles wanted smoochies

miles running lines with tris and always tryna do the kiss scene and tris saying babe can we do from page 53 and miles is like sure but the lines are like 'i hate you stay away from me' and he can't say it lmao

triles being that gross couple always touching foreheads at their lockers

tris squeezing miles' hand for a sec while he walks by after he reads a new piece to the class

Miles gets frisky at a dinner party and tris has to tell him to behave lmao

“’don't let the bedbugs bite’ ‘maybe i like biting ;)’ ”

I want tris to have a thing where if miles kisses or touches his neck at all it's like instant boner so miles is just not allowed to put his arm around tris in public if he doesn't have long sleeves on because tris will just jizz his pants  
  
On the plus side though if they're pressed for time miles just has to kiss his neck and tris will be like 'uhnggf uck meee'

Also... tris and maya plan a romcom night and tris has to let miles down like 'babe... I'm sorry.. you're not invited' and he's just like fake sulking all day so tris will kiss him and tell him how much he loves being with him

Miles and Tris lazily staying in bed until midday just smiling at each other and saying the other is cute and miles traces tristan's hand with his fingertips and tris slides his fingers between miles' and then they're holding hands and smiling because they're holding hands and they're content

* * *

Miles’ locker slammed just as he’d finished removing a notebook.  
"What?  I – Tris, I have to get –"  
"Oh, no.  You’re coming with me." Tristan grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and confidently strode away, pulling an amused Miles behind him.  
"Can I get some clarification as to what is happening right now?"  
"Nope, it’s a surprise!”

* * *

*miles drops to one knee and opens a ring box*

'Tris, w-'  
'Yes! Yesyesyesyes!'  
'Shut up, let me ask the question'  
*tris composes himself*   
'Okay. Go.'  
'Will you marry me?'  
*tris screams and picks miles up and twirls him around lmao byeeeeeee

* * *

 wait ok but imagine tris is a dancer at a queer club and miles goes in to watch him sometimes and the customers tell him he's hotter on days when miles is there bc he seems happier and has a sparkle in his eye or some cutesy shit

anyway he goes home to miles one day all nervous and says the club is doing a new thing where they offer shots off the dancers' bodies and he wants miles' opinion before he tells his boss whether he'll do it and he's like 'i'm pretty much neutral i just want to know what you think' and miles is like 'what do you think i'll say' and tris is like 'i think you'll lie and say you're okay with it but you won't be and you'll end up resenting me' and miles is like 'no i just don't want to be the one who decides what you can and can't do with your body i don't want to make this decision for you' and they get frustrated with each other like 'just say yes or no!' 'well you said yes first so you obviously want to do it!' 'no i don't!' 'then don't do it!' 'i don't NOT want to do it i'm just saying i want your input about this!'

and then miles gives him an angry attack hickey on his neck like 'i fucking love you and i don't want anyone else touching you'  
and he expects angry sex but actually tris is just plain mad because he has to cover it up for the next 726257 years for work and miles is like 'fuck you're right your job is just as important as me I'm sorry you should do the shot thing' and then tris is all offended like 'excuse me it's not "as" important' and miles gets all hurt like oh his job is MORE important than me ok and then he sulks and

  1. he doesn't say anything and just feels shitty forever OR
  2. tris is like 'the fuck are you sulking about? do you WANT me to care more about my job than you?' and miles is like 'i'm not trying to reinforce it let's just drop this' and tris is like 'wait what no i was saying you're more important ugh for fuck's sake'  
and miles is like oh. and gets all shy like really? and tris has to reassure him and he's slightly annoyed but mostly it's endearing bc he loves any excuse to tell miles how he feels



* * *

miles coming home n dropping his jacket on the arm of the couch where tris is reading over a script for his progressive af sitcom role and miles walks off to get a snack of carrot sticks and brie and tells him the dishwasher broke at their investment property and tris is like 'oh shoot we'll have to use the savings card' and they're so grown up and living in this lovely modern apartment and miles sits next to tris and just cuddles up to him and lets him go on with his lines bc he's a cutie and doesn't demand attention when he knows tris is focused

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nsfw again

ok i was thinking like bc i super duper headcanon that miles likes tris to have total control and being like completely immobile, hands held away from the action, hips kept down, he can't do anything but moan or safeword. they have a fuck ton of expensive bondage equipment lmao

k so imagine miles being super sweet on their anniversary and being doting and kissy and super gentle touches on tristan's thighs and going slow and smiling softly and being romantic and vanilla as fuck and almost teasing him doing everything so slowly and sensually and finally he goes for tristan's dick but tris is like 'wait... actually,' and asks to try all the bondage and miles is internally like 'drat, _I_  wanna be tied up! but if he wants it i want that instead idk??'

tris is like 'i wanna try it; i should know what it's like, right?' and miles is like... hm he's using the word should... maybe he doesn't really want to?? so he's like *consent dialogue while stroking his like arm or knee or sth* 'also, you know, if you understand how it feels then you might not want to do it the same way anymore'  
'so it's horrible?'  
'no omg. well. yeah. but that's half the point'

and they end up putting tris in the metal and ropes and ties idk what's expensive bondage made of? chicken nuggets? and while that happens tris is telling miles how he doesn't always have to do nice things for him on their anniversary bc he's more tha made up for all the shit he did and they're equals now and cheesy cheesy cheeeeese

and anyway so tris is like trying to thrash around bc he can't _touch_ miles he can't grab his hair or squeeze at his arms or do any of the things he wants to do and he can't thrust his hips up or anything and it's hell and he loves it and when he can't take it anymore he just says so and miles releases one of his hands so he can reach down and touch however/whatever/whoever he wants while miles finishes him off

moral of the story is tris learned how awesome and awful it is not to be able to touch and he gets it and he never asks for it again just bc he knows miles likes it way more than he does so but just never happened again but anyways after that sometimes when tris has miles all tied down he holds his hand so he can squeeze it and miles isn't sure whether that hinders or makes it soooo much better


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> parent triles gtg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tris and miles are married w three kids right n their middle kid is 6 and a girly girl and her name is lyddie

and they have an older boy who's 8 and they have a younger kid idc about that one

anyway they're all playing in the yard and the inside phone rings (because it's 2002 or sth idk just go with it) and tris goes inside and picks up

and it's the middle kid's friend's mom, who was like 'my kid ethan wanted me to schedule a play date with your daughter lyddie' and tris is like sure and she's like can i talk to your wife  
and he's like 'oh i can get my partner miles if you want to speak to him?' and he knocks on the window to get miles to come in

and she's like 'miles?! HIM?! sodomites how dare u let your child near mine'

and at this point tris is like wow yikes and goes 'if you want our children to stop interacting I can try but -'  
and she interrupts like 'oh you won't just try. we will both ensure our children do not speak again, i don't care what you have to do to make it happen' or sth

and he just loses it like 'before you rudely interrupted me, i was about to say but i'm sure if he's had this hate bred into him he's probably not that much fun to be around anyway'

and she starts yelling and he holds the phone away from him and whispers to miles like 'fuck i should have held my tongue i almost feel bad now'

and then he tells her in his most genuine voice that he's sorry for insulting her kid and he shouldn't have been so rude and whatever

and she's like 'you had better eradicate this horrific thing between our children or so help me god' (they're literally just friends but anyways)

so she hangs up and he turns to miles like wow. how am i going to break it to lyddie this is going to hurt her so much she talks about him all the time  
and miles is like *sympathy face* 'aw babe' and gets real close to him and hugs and like does that head kiss thing?? u know when they kiss the person's scalp or neck or whatever's there when they hug?

ok so then tris goes outside and calls lyddie over to sit on the steps with him while miles goes to help the other kids play or whatever it is kids do idk they're a perfect family tho that's like an important point the kids never fight and triles are great parents

and tris tells the kid about how the kid's mom said they couldn't hang out anymore because she doesn't like when two men love each other  
and she accepts is but like she's still mega sad 'but he was my best friend'  
'I know, honey, I'm so sorry. but you can't say anything mean to ethan, you just have to stay away from him from now on.'

she's like 'why? it's not fair'  
'the world isn't fair sometimes. but if you're mean back, everyone'll think you're just as bad as them. and they'll think you deserved for them to be mean to you. you have to show them you're nice, and sometimes you can only do that by not fighting back.'  
she's totally composed tho she's like 'can i go to my room? i just wanna cry for a bit'  
and he's like 'are you sure? do you want me to send dad up?' (idk if the kids call him miles or dad or something else)

'hmm, maybe in like ten minutes?'  
he apologises again and watches her go upstairs and miles comes over to him (tris is feeling super shitty at this point) and he's like 'i thought if we were amazing parents they wouldn't get hurt. i was so stupid. maybe we shouldn't have had kids.'  
miles is like 'hey, don't say that' half comforting but also half offended like, dude, our kids are ten feet away, seriously, do not say that

tris wipes his wet face because he's been crying too  
miles reminds him that their kids are awesome and they're clearly awesome parents

And tris is like *deep shaky breath trying to be positive* 'yeah and lyddie was so mature for her age, right? like she totally got it when i told her to rise above it. and instead of throwing a fit she just said she was going to her room to cry.'  
miles side hugs him and points to the other two like 'our kids are fine. better than most, actually. those assholes, they're the ones hurting them. not us.'

'still. maybe it's our fault. we should have thought of this.'  
and then miles is probably all cheesy like 'i would never have been this good a parent without you' or some shit idk


	42. Chapter 42

Ok so get this  
Tris has been recovering for the rest of the school year, Miles just had finals and tris for a couple months has been doing senior year through a correspondence program and will take another couple of years to get through it but he's tryna be optimistic about it etc at least around miles but he still breaks down about it all occasionally but usually he tries to save the negativity for his mom because he doesn't wanna be depressing to miles poor baby

Tris can talk a fair bit but still quite slowly and hasn't some trouble enunciating certain sounds (and he can do facial expressions quite well and think critically) but still is dependent on his parents to help him a lot and also Miles when he comes over on some school days and weekends

So miles rocks up to Tristan's house a few days after finals (he had still been visiting through finals but tris made him study if he came over lol) and tris answers the door!!! standing!!! And miles is like hot damn you did it babe!!!

And tris' mom is so proud like he's practicing :) and miles offers to be leant on while they go sit down and tris is like I think I'm ok

Miles is still doin that excited pride face where his eyes light up you know the one

Anyway they go sit down and Miles gives him kissies because he must have worked so hard on that but he doesn't baby him because Tris asked him not to a while ago so he just kinda 'fuck I have seen you come so far and rarely let your determination falter I love you with such intensity you are everything'

Tris just kinda sits there being held and fuckin relishing it like you know how he was in the couch scene yeah he's loving that shit

But miles is like 'I uh I have to talk to you about something' 

and tris is like. no. 'fuck you are not breaking up with me please don't do this I fucking forgave you I tried so hard to be what you wanted I -'

Miles is all 'no it's not that please don't worry I just - ok I got accepted to this summer writing program it's an intensive course for 40 days but I promise I will never leave again after this'

Tris is like panicking because he thinks he needs miles to keep making progress and tries to say he needs him etc 

Miles is like if you really really need me to stay then I will but this is a really good opportunity and I want you to take a couple days to think about it before you ask me not to go 

And tris is so broken about it like 40 days without miles holy shit???? He would miss him so much and he needs him his voice is cracking when he says 'but I don't want us to waste any more of our time together'

Miles keeps tryna remind him like they'd talk every day and he would spend as much time as he could with him before it and then when he came home he would never leave his side

And tris is like 'no you're right you deserve a break from me; I know I'm hard to deal with'

Miles is immediately like bitch no 'I love spending time with you I'm so glad to have you back I never wanna be anywhere else I love every part of you even the parts you're struggling with wait no I didn't mean it like that I hate that you're struggling I just love you even with all this I love you so much I'm sorry I'm the cause of your unhappiness right now I shouldn't have ruined a nice moment I'm so sorry I love you' schmoopy schmoop

So they're working on some of Tris' schoolwork later and cuddling and like Tris is upset but he keeps it inside because he doesn't want miles to feel bad about taking the opportunity but miles senses it and keeps reminding him it's only a few weeks and they would text all the time and call and Skype and he would think about him so much and miss him so much

Fast forward to Miles at the program (it's in Cali or New York or some shit) and his roommate asks him to come out bowling with her and some friends she made but he's skyping with Tris so he's like 'sorry I have plans but thanks for thinking of me that's real nice' and tris is like 'you should go' and the roommate heard and she says she's leaving in five, with or without him

Tris is like 'babe seriously you should go, make some friends' and miles is like uh the fuck? 'No I wanna spend time with you' and tris is like 'I promise I won't get jealous lol just go'

So Miles is like grumbling 'okay but I'm probably gonna text you the whole time' and he makes friends and miraculously balances time with them with time with tris and time working on projects for the course and manages to fly home for a weekend and tris is fucking delighted because he had coordinated with his mom to make it a surprise

And sometime after the visit home tris asks if miles is gonna go to college somewhere else and he swears he's never leaving town again and tris is like 'but if Toronto colleges aren't good enough you shouldn't settle' and miles just says he's adaptable and he got better grades at Degrassi than he ever did at private schools anyway 'so why would expensive travel location schools necessarily give better education' etc blah blah tris doesn't buy it but miles means it

But yeah he comes home after it and spends so much time with Tris he literally doesn't leave his house for like three days and it's so cute but tristan's mom is like honey maybe you should go home and unpack from your trip? And miles is like ok point taken sorry lmao and frankie's like telling him all the gossip he missed filling him in on her summer

And hunter pretends he didn't miss him but gets mad at small things instead and miles is like 'shit I really should have come home first I'm sorry hunter I fucked up there I will spend more time with you but next time just talk to me instead yeah?' and Hunter's like ya ur right ok fine

also on the first night of those three days, because Miles slept in Tristan's bed, they start kissing and whatever and Tris starts crying because gOD he wants to have sex SO BAD but he can't really do much yet and he's sorry because he thinks Miles likes sex even more but Miles is like 'hey it's okay I don't need sex I just want you to be happy and comfortable and take your time like even if it never happens that's okay I don't want you to hurt yourself or push yourself too far okay?'

And tris is like :') and kisses him so soft and he's crying because of the frustration but also because Miles is so good to him sometimes and also like he just came home and he had missed him for so long

Anyways, my queer children are so in love and so strong for each other and supportive I love them goodnight


	43. hhhhhhhhhhey i'm back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so imagine miles' dad died, right

Triles drive to the funeral and Miles turns the car off and just sits there. Tris waits for him to be ready, silently, bc he's good like that

Later, Miles gets up from the back row, and speaks at the funeral, and he whispers to Frankie as he walks past that he promises he won't ruin it.

He says it was both their faults, they realised too late that they both needed to change, he's grateful that he tried to work on things with Franks and Hunter. He respected him. He knows he had better relationships with others here today and he didn't come up here to drag him through the mud. He wants to thank him for the good times and what he did for the community, for his school, for his siblings.

He always provided for us financially. Intermittently disciplined them (which gets some chuckles). He was charming and clever and stuck to what he believed. For the press, he stayed calm when other people would have lost it. As a politician he was good. As a father and a husband, he was working on it. He made Miles who he is today and he likes who he is today.

and then he's like  
"Dad, it's hard but... I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me too."

He goes and sits back down with Tris at the back, Tris takes his hand (he is warm and the day is cold and Miles is like ugh you are warm I love) and looks at him with soft pride and admiration

Frankie walks briskly down the aisle to sit by him and hug him. Hunter just turns in his seat and gives a grateful nod. A few others are looking at him but most are distracted by the slideshow of pictures of him and no one really cares about Diana but she probably has friends, whatever

After the service Triles go sit in the reception, on a row of chairs along the wall (avoiding being cornered). Tris holds M's hand firmly in his.  
Miles is like, 'I'm sorry; I know this sucks for you.'  
'For me?' Tristan looks out at the crowd. 'Forget _me,_ I can't imagine what _you're_ going through right now.'  
'Mostly just worried someone'll yell at me for bringing all that up.'  
'I'm sure they won't do that.'  
'You haven't noticed the weird looks in our direction?'  
'They're probably just homophobic, babe, don't worry about it.'  
Miles laughs, without mirth, and settles back in his chair.  
'Yeah. We should make out, force 'em to confront the changing attitudes of the new century.'  
'I'm not making out with you at your abuser's funeral.'  
'Eh, you'll make out with me anywhere else, what's the difference?' Miles says it as a joke, but Tris shoots him a look anyway.  
'Gee, tough crowd.'  
'It's just... I know what he did, and I always believed every word you've said about him, but every time I was _actually_ in a room with him, he was... personable. You know? He was nice and courteous and even though I was walking on eggshells for fear of him I still felt like he genuinely wanted me not to.'  
'Yeah, it's not 'cause he liked you - hi, Marcela. Tris, this is our (housekeeper ?? Maid? Idk? spencer said it in 1323 i think) I don't think you two have met.'  
Tris greets her with a warm handshake and smile. 'I've eaten your meals a fair few times though, I hope Miles has passed on my compliments?'

Marcela grins and says, 'He has indeed.'  
Tris turns to Miles, beaming, pleasantly surprised.  
'Miles, may I speak to you alone?'  
'Ah, sure.'  
'You... promised you wouldn't leave my side' Tris reminds him, having grabbed his arm lmao  
'Can I palm you off to Frankie for a minute?' (wyh does that sound dirty shdfgsjsfh)  
Tris looks out at the crowd again, seeing Frankie a good 20 metres away.  
'Walk me over there?'  
Miles smiles. 'Someday I'll have to teach you how to flip people off. I'll be with you in a sec, Marcela.'

  
He walks Tris over to Frankie (she looks stunning, by the way) with purpose. She's standing with Yael and Winston.  
Tris explains the situation apologetically while we see Miles walk back to Marcela.

she's like, 'What you said was beautiful.'  
'I'm not too sure I agree?' he looks confused but amused  
'I saw a lot happen in that house. I heard a lot more. Forgiving him is very brave and very difficult. You really are growing into a fine young man.'  
'I appreciate that, but I don't know if I really _have_ forgiven him. I think I might have just said it for other people because 'thanks for not screwing up more' seemed a little off.'  
'Even so. Saying that took a lot of guts. You could have told everything, but you took the high road. That is enough, I think.'  
Miles doesn't look at Marcela, chewing his lip for a moment, then turns to face her.  
'Thank you. That means a lot to me.'  
She hugs him.  
(Does she tell him Diana is drinking or sth lol idc we don't need a story for her)

Miles goes back to fetch Tris but he and Yael are having an animated discussion about Hunter's thinking face so Frankie is like, 'Miles, hey, we're going to see the solicitor tomorrow at 2, see if he had a will.'

Turns out he left 8mil for them each in the estate and Diana got 2 (and the jet) which she's secretly pissed about because like how is she gonna sell a private jet, the fuck, but Frankie points out that 'at least nothing went to Andrea?'

The four also got the house to share but Miles is like, 'bitch I'm moving out lmao' and Frankie's like, 'Yeah, this house is gonna give me the heebie jeebies.' and Hunter's quietly nodding and Diana's like, 'well can't we move elsewhere so I can at least have the twins?' and Miles is like, 'ok listen if I can have my own space with a kitchen and bathroom I'm golden'

and Diana's like, 'Will you eat dinner with us twice a week?' and Miles is like, 'Ok deal' and she's like, 'Are you planning to move Tristan in?' and he's like, 'He basically already lives with me wyd' so she's like, 'fair enough I guess it'd be your house to do what you want with'

So they leave the solicitor's office and Miles is abt to text Tris to meet him nearby but Tris was in a cafe adjacent so he's like surprise and Miles is like aughagshxhs and hugs him like, 'absolutely fuck meetings I hate them' and Tris is like, 'I know babe that's why I made sure to be here'

Anyways there's some extra af consent stuff about Miles not being dtf and he says it's stress because they have to pack all their shit to style the house so Tris is like, 'ok if there's even a sliver of doubt in either of our minds ever we shouldn't do it and Miles is like, 'cool' and they just cuddle to sleep and then for a few days they don't get an opportunity even though they're together every day mansion hunting like they're not allowed in the house so they're at a hotel but then Diana takes the twins out to lunch and Miles is like, 'Tris get here so we can bang pleaseeeee' and Tris obviously does go bc it's been over a week damn

So they find a huge house super close to Tristan's college of choice and Frankie and Hunter changed schools for senior year (all of Degrassi hates them let me live) but Diana won't let yael move in but yael secretly was glad she didn't have to tell Hunter she didn't wanna move in anyway because Hunter is messy af and she doesn't wanna deal with jizz stained sheets and empty crisp wrappers like she just KNOWS she would be cleaning up after him and No Thanks also she's busy tryna get into MIT and frankie's a single pringle but happy and getting good grades and taking an interest in modern history and racism and stuff


	44. i found this on my celtx account lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last year I was experimenting with script format for some ideas that didn't fit my usual style. i know this is overdirected and not perfectly formatted and also just plain weird just suspend your disbelief for a second ok
> 
> tris (a bartender) and miles (had a bad day and wants to get smashed) have never met

INT. THE ALIBI ROOM

TRISTAN, beautiful angel, is taking notes on the bottles on  
the counter then returning them to their places. MILES  
enters, cautiously eyes the empty room before surrendering  
and walking over to a bar stool opposite TRISTAN.

TRISTAN  
Make it quick; I’m closing up in ten.

MILES  
Give me a half dozen shots of vodka.

TRISTAN  
Uh, are you sure?

MILES  
Do I look like I’m not sure?

TRISTAN  
(eyeing him with mild interest)  
Suit yourself.

TRISTAN assembles four shot glasses on the counter and  
reaches for the bottle.

MILES  
Can’t count?

TRISTAN  
(pouring)  
Can’t afford a lawsuit.

MILES  
Trust me, I can handle a few shots.

TRISTAN  
And why would I "trust" someone I  
just met?

MILES  
Because I’ll tip you three hundred  
if you keep me company.

TRISTAN  
Wow. Very reputable. But I’ll take  
it.

MILES  
Fine, fine. I’ll buy you a drink,  
then. We can get to know each  
other.

TRISTAN  
(scoffs)  
I don’t drink while I’m working.

MILES  
Said you were closing up.

TRISTAN  
(fake pouting)  
Aw, I’d have to save it ’til you left.

MILES  
Three hundred doesn’t cut the  
sarcasm?

TRISTAN  
It’s my best feature.

MILES  
I don’t know about that.

TRISTAN  
Go on, compliment my charming good  
looks.

MILES  
(takes a shot, winces)  
Alright, ah... you should be a  
model?

TRISTAN  
Weak but accurate.

INT. THE ALIBI ROOM

TRISTAN, beautiful angel, is leaning on the counter, which  
is littered with now-empty shot glasses. MILES is still  
seated across from him. The pair are recovering from a  
bout of laughter, MILES swirling the last remaining full shot  
glass.

TRISTAN  
Why you drinking here tonight?

MILES  
Dare.

TRISTAN  
Okay, I  _dare_  you to tell me why  
you’re drinking here tonight.

MILES  
I said give me a fucking dare,  
asshole.

TRISTAN  
I told you my name.

MILES  
Give me a fucking dare, Tristan.

TRISTAN  
(without hesitation,  
unreadable)  
Kiss me.

MILES meets TRISTAN’S eye for a moment. MILES moves one  
knee up on the bar stool to kiss TRISTAN, gripping his shirt  
and leaning his other hand on the slightly sticky counter.  
TRISTAN pauses before kissing back, hard, messy,  
intoxicated. Suddenly, TRISTAN pulls away.

MILES  
Shit.

TRISTAN  
Not necessarily, but you’re drunk.

MILES  
So are you.

TRISTAN  
_I’m_  not an easy fuck when I drink.

MILES  
Who says I’m easy?

TRISTAN  
What, you mean I’m special?

MILES  
(sarcastic)  
I’m falling for you, hard.

TRISTAN  
(scoffs)  
Fuck off.

MILES  
Make me.

TRISTAN grabs MILES’ hair and yanks him forward with his  
neck exposed.

TRISTAN  
I’m sure I could make you do all  
sorts of things.

MILES  
(slightly choked)  
Why don’t we start with putting  
those hands to better use?

TRISTAN  
(releases his grip, clears the counter)  
I gotta clean up. And you should  
leave.

MILES  
You don’t want your three hundred?

TRISTAN stops moving glasses to lean his palms on the  
counter and scoff.

TRISTAN  
I’m not a hooker.

MILES  
Who said you were?

TRISTAN  
So are you gonna pay up or not?

MILES smirks at him for a long moment, then gets out his  
wallet. He retrieves a wad of cash without counting it, then  
holds it out to TRISTAN, who grabs at it. MILES pulls it out  
of reach just in time.

MILES  
Ah, ah, ah! You’re gonna have to do  
a little better than that.

TRISTAN  
I told you, I’m not a hooker.

MILES  
It’s just a kiss.

TRISTAN  
I already kissed you tonight.

MILES  
One minute. Then I'll leave, if you  
still want me to.

TRISTAN checks his phone for the time, and sighs.

TRISTAN  
Fine. But I'm setting a timer.

MILES  
Wanna make sure you get a  
whole minute, huh?

TRISTAN  
And why would I  _want_  to kiss you?

MILES  
You tell me; you dared me to.

TRISTAN  
(irritated)  
Okay, just leave, I don't need your  
money.

MILES  
Forty-five seconds.

TRISTAN watches MILES for a long moment, long enough  
for MILES to start shifting in his seat and folding the bills  
in his fingers.

TRISTAN  
Thirty and you leave within the  
minute.

MILES  
Deal.

TRISTAN holds out his hand and MILES places the cash in it.  
TRISTAN deftly counts the bills out and hands a few back.

MILES  
Take it.

TRISTAN  
Shut up.

TRISTAN readies a timer for thirty seconds, while MILES  
watches on with a smirk, pocketing the cash.

MILES  
We really gonna do this across the  
counter?

TRISTAN  
(fake smiling)  
I wouldn't want you to think I was  
hoping for more.

MILES  
Can't really work my magic from here.

TRISTAN  
(starts timer)  
I'm sure I'll survive. Go.  
  
MILES narrows his eyes playfully at the lack of warning,  
then pushes up to be level with TRISTAN. His soft eyes  
stare into TRISTAN'S, and after a moment of this TRISTAN  
begins to appear nervous. MILES places a light hand on  
TRISTAN'S cheek, glances down to his lips, and kisses  
him gently. TRISTAN responds better this time, moving  
with him slowly, an undisclosed amount of alcohol helping  
him to lose himself. MILES moves back briefly to change his  
angle, and they continue, slow and strangely intimate until  
the timer sounds and TRISTAN jolts back, turning away to  
wipe his lip with his thumb.

MILES  
Damn.

TRISTAN  
What was that?

MILES  
You thought I was gonna be anything  
less than a gentleman?

TRISTAN  
Don’t start with me.

MILES  
(cocking his head)  
How was it?

TRISTAN  
Who the fuck are you? What are you --  
(sighs)  
It was good. Thanks for the money; you  
should go now.

MILES  
I’ll be back tomorrow.

TRISTAN  
I’m not working tomorrow.

MILES  
I don’t think I believe you.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everything i ever write goes here because To Be Honest i’m probably never writing a proper fic again lmao // nsfw, abuse mention but like when is there not with me

ok so tris isn’t down to bottom again which he told him after their first time, bc yates hurt him and treated him so bad, didn’t care about his pleasure etc

so miles/no one has been bottoming this whole time

one day during sex (miles is bottoming from the top bc he likes to ‘do all the work’ lmao) tris asks where miles wants to cum. In his mouth? On his chest? Inside him?

Miles stills, and Tris knows there’s gonna be Consent Dialogue which he’s not down for right now actually thank you so he sighs and looks away, mildly annoyed at himself and the situation

A moment later, Miles asks him simply, “What?”

Tris shrugs and half-smiles. “If you want, you can fuck me.”

“I’m not gonna do that.”

“Look, I’m _ready_. I’m okay, I promise.”

Miles shifts above him, making Tristan’s breath hitch.

“You say you’re ready, but the first time you mention it we’re having sex.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

Tris traces one fingertip up Miles’ dick, Miles bats it away and pulls off, perching uncomfortably beside him.

“How can I trust that?”

“What do you mean?” Tris almost laughs the words, uncomfortable at Miles’ concern.

“How can I be sure you’re ready when it could just be the heat of the moment? You looked like you regretted even _saying_ it.”

“I was just pissed at myself because I knew you were gonna do this.”

“Do what? Care about you?”

“ _Take it too seriously_.  If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. Can we just…?” he gestures to their hardness

(i'll let you decide whether they continue because you know me i'm all about that extra as hell consent dialogue so i never let 'em have sex if they're not 100% ecstatic to be alive)

 

Anyway three days later after a bunch of talking about it and also Tris sees his therapist to get another perspective they’re both feelin okay about it

They break apart from their kiss, naked, on a bed, a little breathless.

“You’re sure about this?” Miles is v concerned. he’s determined to check in with Tris every seven seconds tbh

Tris opens the lube, drops some into the palm of his hand, then begins to coat Miles’ fingers gently with it. (a cute moment)

“In three days, I have not doubted this.  I _know_ that I am ready.”

With soft eyes trained on Miles’, Tris guides the fingers he holds downward.

When Miles touches his hole, he raises his eyebrows, checking with Tris.

Tris just smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“You good?”

“Of course I’m good, look at me.”

“Okay, I just, I’m sorry, I just want to be sure you’re alright”

“Okay, thank you, but can you get on with it, please?”

Miles laughs quietly, a light sound that (?? abs??? idc enough to even write a proper sentence about his abs i'm bored) and presses one finger inside Tristan.

Tristan’s tongue is *?? pressed up against his teeth? It’s cute like when u take a photo u press ur tongue against ur two front teeth and ur smile looks nicer ok anyway) and his eyes flutter closed.

“Focus on relaxing.”

“I know, I know, just gimme a sec.”

 

then like they stick with fingers the first night and miles makes him feel rly good, like, so good, man

then they don't get to see each other the next day but the day after that Tris is like 'can we...' and miles preps him and then they have penetrative sex and Miles makes sure Tris feels good and cherished and that he's not in pain but he also makes sure to do his flirty smile because he knows Tris loves that

and tris almost cries because hot damn this is what it was supposed to feel like and you know what, this is his first time and that abusive garbage is fucking dirt under his god damn shoes because

miles is working so hard to make him moan, grazing his neck with his fingertips and caressing his thighs and peppering kisses anywhere he can reach, touching everywhere and not just trying to get him off, miles cares and loves him and wants him to cum, wants to hear him and feel him and be the one to treat tristan right, and only tristan


	46. i wrote hael ??? why

hunter wants to go to sleep instead of talking out his obvious beef with yael and she's arranged to stay over that night and has no way to get home so she's like

'is this what you're doing now? you're punishing me?'  
but he ignores her  
'we need to talk about this!'  
'i need to sleep.'  
'you need to tell me what the hell i did so i can avoid hurting you in future!'

yael pushes her argument and he opens up (yelling) that he's tired of how she keeps saying he's "better" acting like there's a cure for odd  
'but you are, you haven't done anything -'  
'because i'm working hard!'  
she is silent

'i'm never gonna be cured, yael. and everything's way harder for me now that i'm /trying/.'  
and she walks over to him apologetic as hell cupping his face and kissing him gently all over  
but he pushes her away, saying 'get off' and she takes a breath, resolute and unafraid. she calmly says 'what do you need me to do? aside from not saying stuff like that anymore?'  
'let me sleep.'  
'you're sure there's nothing else?'  
he just silently gets into bed idk if she does too or if she's gonna sleep on the couch or some shit

so the next morning at The Breakfast Bar she (ok yeah she slept on the couch) notices him getting breakfast and she wakes up all 'you're up early' and he's like 'ok we should talk' so she sits down and he stands across from her, playing with his cereal for what feels like forever but she doesn't know what to say bc she apologised and asked what to do and did it so she's like do i apologise again or does he want me to shush?

finally he says 'i never want to tell you what you did bc then you'll apologise and i'll have to fucking comfort you even though you're the one that hurt me'

so she does a four step apology (the best kind, fuck your grand gestures and gifts) bc he taught her some stuff he learned in therapy bc therapy techniques are awesome and it makes him feel good to teach and pass it on and stuff!!!! and that way also she can identify when he's trying to follow his plans and what might help and sometimes she mentions that she saw how hard he tried today or how well he handled something frustrating and that in turn makes him feel like he's making progress it's so great!!!! but i digress, back to the apology

'i'm sorry for the way i've been apologising for my errors.  
it was wrong because it was manipulative and i made you feel awful and... made you afraid to discuss things with me.   
next time i'll... be more careful of the way i phrase and express my apologies and i'll be more mindful of manipulative behaviours always. thank you for telling me even though it was hard. can you forgive me?'  
hunter stares at her for a moment, and the second she starts to get nervous, he kisses her.  
she smiles into the kiss, and then so does he.  
she's like 'thank you.' bc she's so glad they're ok and he's ok then he's like 'thank /you/.' and taps her nose with the spoon and she's like 'ugh gross!' and then they start a tickling war or some shit idk


	47. kiss me with that gay shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :') nsfw

ok so tris and miles are hangin out and tris had just climbed the flight of stairs to his room and miles is like babe!!!!!! and they're both so happy and proud and tris asks miles to jerk him off bc he doesn't have the energy in his arms yet and miles is more than happy to oblige and tris is like 'i will get u back as soon as i can i promise i swear on my life' but obviously miles is like 'if you recall, i fell for your heart, not your body, so how about you shut the fuck up'

and they lock the door and move him up onto the bed (tris does most of the work and miles is so proud his lil childlike wonder face is getting so much action) and miles goes for his sweatpants and he's like 'um kiss me first??'  
and miles is like oh ok, even better

and he kisses tris so soft and slow and feels up his chest under his shirt with his warm hands and tris is like oh my godddd and then miles plays with his ridiculously sensitive neck and tris is like fucking take me now 'oh god okay please now please'  
so miles goes for his waistband again and teases him just a little just enough to make him whimper real quiet

then he just swallows him down and tris is like We Did Not Discuss This but he's too blissed out to actually care he figures he'll just playfully shove miles later and it's fine consent wise bc they both know he still remembers their safewords from their kinky as hell sex before so miles is like ok imma keep doin this then bc he doesn't know if tris even still has lube in his drawers or whether he ever did because when the fuck did they ever hang out at tristan's house

so tris is having the goddamn time of his goddamn life oh man miles feels so much better than he remembers and he almost forgot all these sweet touches all over his stomach and just kinda sliding his hands down his body and it feels so loving and that's what makes it so fucking sexy so he cums so quick like he srsly hasn't been able to cum in like five months so he's !!!! loving it !!!!

but he seems super exhausted after it bc muscle contractions are tiring and also fatigue and also he had already climbed a whole flight of stairs for the first time that day and miles just puts his clothes back on him and cuddles with him and draws lil patterns on his arm with his fingertips and lets him drift off to sleep while he mumbles 'thank you's and 'i promise i'll make it up to you soon's and one 'i love you so fucking much'

and he wakes up alone but miles is gone but he left a note with a dozen little 'x' kisses at the end and it says he had to go to that family dinner but he'd facetime him when it was over and he loves him so much and some weird shit about how they had a great day so tris isn't sure whether it's like to hide the blowjob from his mom if she came in or whether he was also thinking about the stairs thing but he treasures that note for literally ever

anyway miles facetimes tris after the dinner and frankie is with him!!!! she comes to see him sometimes too bc she was at his birthday party while he was comatose like they have a lot in common they both like pop culture and also boys and they're white and cis and attractive look never mind ok they're friends it's nice they help each other with outfit choices and also they help miles dress himself because he's colour blind please help this confused, styleless man

so frankie's like 'i heard the big news!!!' and tris is still stuck thinkin about the blowjob and is like shit what but she reminds him he climbed a staircase and he got all happy again and she's like 'i wish i could hug you but i'll just have to settle for miles' and then she hugs him tight and thrashes around excitedly u know how people hug when they're excited ya and he's like 'i'll be sure to pass it on' and she chats with tris for a minute then leaves them alone bc she miraculously has developed a sense for when things are about to get awkward but aren't awkward yet

so tris is like 'please come back and stay over i miss you' and miles is like 'i'm sorry, but you know your mom wouldn't allow it. and neither would mine; dinner night is stay home night' and tris is a cheeky fuck and suggests that bc he's able bodied he could just climb through a couple windows but miles reminds him he lives on the second floor and they get into a play-argument about whether the tree outside miles' room is too flimsy to climb 

eventually they settle on miles just bringing some vegetables over tomorrow morning so tris can cook his fave omelette or some shit idk and miles is like 'see?? u are getting your life back ur doing so well with what u have babe i love u ur gonna get where u wanna be' you know some cheesy inspirational shit and tris smiles and then reluctantly hangs up bc suddenly it's like almost one in the morning and his phone is dying


	48. Chapter 48

ok so get this, right, tris is at home chillin on his bed late one afternoon when a thunderstorm hits, and even tho miles is hanging with jonah he tries to facetime him just for a few minutes because storms always remind him of miles ever since thunderstruck and because he didn't get to see him that day et cetera

but miles doesn't answer and tris is like 'oh. rude. he said he was just chillin with a friend he can't even text me back damn ok fine' and picks up a book

but then miles literally shows up at his bedroom door and he got soaked in the rain running from his car to the door and he asks tris if he can borrow some clothes and tris is like 'take your pick' and miles picks the purple-pink-blue striped shirt tris totally stole and the blue hoodie tris totally also stole and he's just like o my god too many cute memories of us gtg

and miles smooths his hair and climbs under the covers to get warm even tho tris is on top of them and he starts kissing tris real soft and sweet like always and tris is like 'wait what about jonah' and miles says he had to leave for some reason and tris is like 'so you're really going to spend _all ___your spare time with me?' kinda disapproving and miles says how storms remind him of tris so he just _had_ to come see him and they just spend the rest of the evening just makin out and cuddling and watching the rain on tristan's window and talking and bein cute and healthy bc they sorted all their shit out


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angsty with no happy ending unless u can imagine one for urself

today at work i started cryin bc some things are so repetitive so i just think about triles to keep my mind occupied

and i kept imagining like (this is based on me but also it's basically canon lol)

if miles keeps saying shit to make tris hate him or not trust him and saying they should break up and then regretting it

and tris forgives him bc miles keeps promising he won't let his fears make him push tris away anymore and he has more control this time or whatever

but yeah so miles does that one day for like the dozenth time and tris is trying to calm him down like 'i know you usually want to keep us together and be better than this, please choose us please choose yourself and our happiness together i know you have the power to make the healthier choice' and he's crying but he is so strong my baby tristan

anyway so tris is trying to keep it together and remember that miles is gonna be genuinely sorry and treat him right when he calms down and that he implodes like this less often than he used to and he's just trying to ruin things on purpose bc of his core beliefs instilled by abuse but then miles says sth about yates and tris is like. no

and he goes home and miles is tryna tell himself that's a good thing and that them breaking up is better for tris but it hurts and he misses tris obviously bc he keeps making shit choices

and anyway miles calls like ten times but tris has turned off his phone bc he doesn't wanna deal with miles rn but miles comes to tristan's door and knocks and tris is ignoring him so he says he won't leave until he can at least apologise, he doesn't expect tris to take him back, he never expects that, but he knows he fucked up real bad this time so tris comes to the door and miles starts to talk but tris is like 'no.' and miles is like .........?? and tris just stays there for a second trying to keep himself together so he can say and 'no' again more resolutely and without his voice crumbling and he does and then he closes the door

oh my god

and so miles sits on the porch waiting for tristan's mom to come home and he's like 'mrs milligan please can i see him i know he's upset but -' and she's like hell no i am not getting involved go home

but why would he so he stays there all night and falls asleep but it's cold so mrs milligan brings a blanket out to him and anyway tris comes out the next morning like 'i have heard your apologies a thousand times; you have nothing new to say to me so if you really don't expect me to take you back then why the fuck did you stay here all night' and miles tries to be all 'i'll see my therapist five times a week i'll sign a contract about how to treat you right i'll do anything please let me show you i have never felt so bad about anything in my life' and tris is just like no get out of my way i have to get to school

so miles is like 'i'll give you a ride, we can talk' and tris just blanks him for like a week and now zoë hates him bc she was assaulted and when has she ever believed in him and winston hates him bc when has he ever thought anything even remotely positive about miles and hunter and frankie don't give a fuck bc when have his siblings ever cared about his emotional wellbeing so he's alone and devastated and basically all his bridges are burnt for good and idk maybe he dies or gets really fuckin high or something i just wanna see tris be strong and not petty


	50. caves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> necessary vibe: https://haux.bandcamp.com/track/caves

ok so also while listening to caves i left it on repeat at work while doing sth boring so my mind wandered to married triles and they'd been arguing a lot ever since they got married and it got so intense that they had a fight and tris noticed miles twisting his words and he's like ok we need to calm down and talk abt this later because i feel out of control and i don't know how to keep this civil when i feel like this

and miles is like 'no we're gonna talk about this now' and makes tris cry because he's biting back mildly mean but objectively fair criticisms while miles has a much worse tone

so tris says he really can't deal with this and he wants them both to be in a good space so the discussion can be healthy and miles calls him a coward and tris retorts by saying he thinks they need to see a marriage counsellor

which miles only agrees to after he sleeps on the couch that night and tris cries himself to sleep bc how did things get so bad how did they turn into their parents

and they have make up sex in the kitchen the next morning

so tris goes in with only good intentions wanting them to sort out their underlying issues because 'cereal preference isn't that deep, miles, there must be something else wrong'

but miles is just sulking and tris is so careful to only use 'i feel' and 'it seems to me like' statements and he tells their whole story looking over at miles, mentioning that this is just his perspective and he doesn't want to speak over miles

so then the therapist asks miles how he feels about what tristan said and he's just like 'i FEEL that we don't need this' and tris is like 'well i feel like we do so can you just try it my way bc i feel like we've done nothing about this for months'

and miles is an asshole all silent and stubborn and tris is just so broken like 'we used to want the world for each other; what happened' and miles spits 'we got married'

and tris is just like 'so did you not want to marry me' and miles is like 'my health generally relies on me going against my instincts and what i want so to be honest no i didn't really want to'

tris is trying to keep himself together like 'all i ever asked from you was commitment and if you didn't feel that you could do that for me you shouldn't have fucking married me. oh god i'm sorry. i'm sorry for swearing that wasn't necessary i'm sorry' and then he apologises 100 times for swearing and squeezes his hand and begs him to try to work things out bc it's bigger than just the petty shit they argue about

and the therapist asks what they want things to be like etc and tris says he would like to figure out how to deal when one of them isn't up to a discussion, how to identify when to step back/when he feels like he's about to snap and say something unhelpful just to hurt him because they both do that

and miles is like 'just don't. just fucking don't say things that hurt' and tris wants to be a zoë and say 'that's rich coming from you' but instead he says 'i'm here because i need to learn techniques to do that. i would like for us to be able to respect it if the other is saying they need to walk away, but i think an issue is that we're afraid there's nothing we can do if the other refuses to ever come back to it and we feel so strongly in the moment that we find it hard to put it down. and also i would like to stop whatever is going on with sex because it feels unhealthy'

so miles is like 'what are you talking about' and tris is like 'we only have sex when we're mad at each other? we're always rough and we don't ask if things are okay? we never make love anymore???????????'

so the therapist asks miles what he wants in an ideal world and he just says he wants to 'go back to how things were when they were just boyfriends. Because marriage is...' and trails off so tris is like 'marriage is what?' and the therapist stops him and asks miles to be more specific and he just reluctantly thinks for a minute and without looking at the therapist says 'it was easier to stay and work things out when i didn't HAVE to and i want to stay with tris but things feel different and tris is always talking about taxes and work and planning dinner parties' and he's slowly opening up and tris takes his hand and listens and miles turns to him and says 'i love you. i do. and i want to keep loving you but we've sorted shit out a hundred times without a therapist and i don't want us to need this. we're not really fucked. we're okay. we will be okay.'

and the therapist butts in like 'actually 85% of my clients end up happier in their relationships' or some annoying statistic and she tells him therapy for relationships doesn't mean they always need therapy it's just to help them figure out how to do it on their own

anyway they leave with some homework they gotta write down ten things they do and ten things the other does in a fight whether it's healthy or unhealthy and they passive aggressively write long ass lists for each other but they were also instructed to write lists of ten things they like that the other does and tris finds miles' by accident and he starts doing them more, texting him memes like they used to and talking less about work  
and miles suspects he saw the list but tris is on his lap kissing him deep and he tests it by asking like 'don't you have work to do' and tris says 'cleared my schedule for the afternoon; i'm all yours'

they go in again in a few days and miles is like 'things are way better' and tris is like 'ok but i left my list out and you didn't even try' and his list was just 'i like when he asks about my day or offers to do things even when i'm clearly gonna do it myself' and miles is like 'you always tell me about ur day anyway so why ask why play these games' and tris is like 'i just want you to give a shit sometimes about someone else's feelings! i'm not allowed to grow up, i have to revert to my seventeen-year-old self for you, but i can't even remember the last time you took the trash out without me asking you with sugar on top'

anyways they work things out over time bc miles gets less stubborn and sees that therapy is what they needed but also realises tris wasn't saying he was necessarily right just that he wanted to try it and the therapist is so good and they make love all the time and check in with the other about whether they're happy and whether they're doing enough to make the other happy and it's all fair and great forever the end


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another script format from ages ago bc aren't they adorable

Tristan is urgently retrieving clothes strewn around the room and pulling them on.

Miles, however, is lazily sitting up in bed watching Tristan, showing no sign of distress at the situation.

TRISTAN  
I can't believe you didn't tell me this. How am I supposed to get home and back in time? Not to mention finding something to wear.

MILES  
Tris, it's fine. We'll sort something out.

TRISTAN  
(collecting his keys and wallet)  
No, it's not fine. I can't stand being late!

MILES  
(standing up)  
Relax; I'll say we went out and got stuck in traffic or something.

Tristan stops dashing around and turns to Miles.

TRISTAN  
 _Miles. I'm mad at you._

MILES pushes back a smile. TRISTAN rubs his temples, then notices...

TRISTAN  
Are you getting hard right now?!

MILES  
 _Sorry_! You're hot when you're angry...

Miles steps forward and raises his hand to Tristan's side.  
Tristan rolls his eyes, sidestepping him to open the door.

TRISTAN  
(without turning to face him)  
That's not the part you should be apologising for.

The door slams behind TRISTAN.

Close on Miles, clearly sexually frustrated.

* * *

Tristan is half running up to the door in a grey t-shirt, black skinny jeans and a black leather jacket. He knocks rapidly and smooths his hair in the reflection of his phone screen as Miles opens the door to greet him.

TRISTAN  
(pushing past him)  
I. Feel. Terrible.

MILES  
Hey, we're both here, we're clothed, alive, it's not like they expect much more from me.

TRISTAN  
That's not the point! I have to make a good impression this time. I'm trying to prove that I'm a good influence on you. And postponing dinner because I got --  
(air quotes)  
\-- stuck in traffic, doesn't really help our case.

MILES  
Or I could just tell them the truth.

TRISTAN  
Which is what, Miles? What do _you_ think is the truth here? Whose fault is it this time?

MILES  
(sighs)  
The truth is, I made us late and I'm sorry. I know that stuff's important to you. I promise not to avoid --

TRISTAN  
(interrupting)  
Did you Google heartfelt apologies?

MILES  
(patient)  
Will you forgive me?

TRISTAN  
Yes. 

MILES  
Wh- that's it? No conditions? No 'only if's?

TRISTAN  
No. I can tell you meant it. There aren't supposed to be conditions. 

MILES  
(smiling, surprised)  
You are amazing.

TRISTAN  
I try. Now, come on, I'm _starving_.

MILES closes the door behind TRISTAN and wraps an arm around his waist as they walk on toward the sounds of laughter and chatter.


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so imagine if the bus crash never happened but instead miles gets a call and they say tris got in a car accident right,

Tristan is lying in a hospital bed, watching a nurse change bandages on his arm. Miles runs into the room, disheveled and short of breath.

MILES  
Tris! Oh, god, I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up; how are you feeling?

TRISTAN  
(looking to the nurse, unsure)  
Sssorry... they told me I have amnesia...

MILES  
(hesitates, still panting)  
You're kidding, right?

NURSE  
Actually, he's not. The trauma to Tristan's head has caused retrograde amnesia, which affects memories from before the accident. We can't know for sure if it's permanent but it usually all comes back within a week.

MILES  
Wh-what? That's... no, that doesn't make sense! Your mom didn't tell me when I spoke to her; this has to be a joke.

Tristan shakes his head, then winces at the pain. 

MILES  
But you know me, right?

Tristan shrugs apologetically.

MILES  
Fuck... D-do you want me to go? I could -

TRISTAN  
(rushed, sitting up)  
No, stay! You'll just... have to teach me all about you.

NURSE  
(collecting medical paraphernalia)  
Listen, we're actually filing paperwork to restrict visitation to immediate family, so you might have to make it quick.

Miles politely nods in the direction of the nurse, who leaves the room.

MILES  
So you don't remember me? At all?

TRISTAN  
Sorry.

**_this feels weird bc he would most likely remember a little of childhood and his parents and maybe like hearing a specific word miles has said before or recognise something miles is wearing that clicks a little or idk there would be a few tiny details he remembers at least so it's frustrating me so much here!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

MILES  
No, don't. It's not your fault. It's fine.

TRISTAN  
I doubt it's 'fine'. Come sit down.

MILES  
(doesn't appear to hear him)  
Oh, my god. I didn't even ask how you were!

TRISTAN  
Yes, you did, I just didn't answer. I'm alright. Just got a headache, but anyone could have told you that.

MILES  
Okay, but... about the...

TRISTAN  
(joking)  
Well, it's not like I know any different. At least I can still talk.

Miles sits down in an uncomfortable-looking plastic chair by Tristan's bed. 

TRISTAN  
So. Who... are you?

MILES  
(shyly laughs)  
Um, well, I'm Miles, I'm... your boyfriend. We've been dating for almost a year now -

TRISTAN  
You're my boyfriend?

MILES  
Yeah.

TRISTAN  
Sooo, that means I can kiss you, right?

MILES  
Are – are you sure?

TRISTAN  
(flirting)  
Hey, you're cute. And I'm exempt from consequences right now.

MILES  
(chuckling)  
You're a lot more confident when you don't know who I am.

TRISTAN  
Well then, what am I usually like?

MILES  
You are... sweet, thoughtful, fun, sometimes shy and sometimes not. You always put other people first, and won't listen when I tell you to choose yourself for once. You love to talk about anything and everything. You make me laugh so hard I can't breathe. You text back fast and keep promises and secrets. You're everyone's best friend, especially mine. You --

TRISTAN  
(interrupting)  
You love me.

MILES  
Huh?

TRISTAN  
I can see in your eyes, you love me.

MILES  
(softly smiling)  
That's right, I love you.

Tristan's gaze falls to his wringing hands. His open, positive attitude seems to falter.

TRISTAN  
Sorry.

MILES  
Don't worry at all, please. It's not your fault.

TRISTAN  
It could have been.

MILES  
What are you talking about?

TRISTAN  
They said I was driving... I don't know exactly what happened...

MILES  
No, Tris, seriously, you are the safest driver in Canada. You wouldn't have -

TRISTAN  
(interrupting again)  
Do I drink?

MILES  
No, never. I'm sure there'd be a cop sitting here if you _had_ been drinking. But you wouldn't.

TRISTAN  
See? I don't even know who _I_ am.

MILES  
Well, some memories usually come back in a day or two, right? The nurse said the damage was only moderate?

TRISTAN  
(distracted)  
Right.

MILES  
Well, what about your parents? Have you seen them yet?

TRISTAN  
(shifting uncomfortably)  
My dad was here when I woke up but I was still so drugged up that no one realised I don't know him. He said my mom'll bring some of my stuff tomorrow, which I hope is true because it's shaping up to be really boring in here.

MILES  
She will. She's a great mom.

TRISTAN  
So, my family's nice?

MILES  
Yeah, they're awesome. Your brother Owen's away at college and your parents are kind of on the rocks but you love them.

TRISTAN  
Owen... I know Owen.

MILES  
You know Owen?

TRISTAN  
I know Owen!

MILES  
YES!

Miles, delighted, surges forward and places his hands on Tristan's face as he kisses him. It's returned, then Miles breaks off abruptly.

MILES  
Whoa. That was way out of line. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go.

TRISTAN  
No - 

Tristan pulls Miles back down into another kiss, this one softer and slower. Miles appears to lose himself in this one too, steadying himself with a hand beside Tristan. After a moment, Miles pulls away abruptly.

MILES  
(whispering)  
I'm sorry.

TRISTAN  
(smiling)  
Don't be.

MILES  
Seriously, I need you to know I understand that was wrong.

TRISTAN  
Okay.

MILES  
And I really don't want you to forgive me just because you think you should.

TRISTAN  
Okay.

MILES  
God, I'm sorry. I should have asked.

TRISTAN  
No, it's really okay. It's what you always do, right?

MILES  
It's not the same. You don't trust me; you don't know me. You don't have our history. Look, i-if this isn't okay I can go. If you don't feel safe or anything.

TRISTAN  
No, I do. I'd like the company anyway. It's almost like... never mind.

MILES  
Tell me.

TRISTAN  
(hesitant)  
It sounds dumb but... It's like I know the feeling of us. Your face, and your voice, I can't quite place them, but there's something... like a vibe, or... some kind of trust... I don't know. That's stupid, isn't it? Forget I said anything.

MILES  
You know, that is _just_ like you to make something romantic out of this.

Tristan mocks offense and hits Miles with his pillow.

TRISTAN  
Come on, it's the classic amnesia love story! You get to charm me all over again. Make it count.


	53. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and when i say "probably", i mean 'please god somebody take the internet away from me it's highly improbable'

whatever you do, DON'T think about the fact that miles probably shaved tristan's face and got up real close and caressed him and kissed him

softly cleaning the residue off of his face with a warm washcloth, using his other hand to steady tristan's head, so fucking gentle and affectionate

don't imagine all the times he missed being close with tris and just put his hand on his cheek and how lifeless he would have felt, even though tris was warm he couldn’t feel the muscles smiling under his fingers it was just such an empty feeling

don't think about the gag reflex jokes he would have made about the trach tube wishing tris would smile just once just this one time please tris i _need to see it_

he probably wanted so desperately to curl up next to tris but he couldn't safely move him so he wasn't able to fit his tall body on the bed

he wasn’t allowed anyway, even tho visiting hours were more lax in the coma ward so they did let him write and read by tristan’s side

probably kissed his neck so sweet and tender, kissed his forehead and what he could reach of his lips, pressed their foreheads together

missing the feeling of just lazily kissing on a tuesday afternoon, just touching the other's skin because it was so warm and intimate

wanting nothing more than for his sentence to be over he tries to just live and convince himself he has to suffer patiently to have him back, like it's the universe punishing him for taking him for granted all this time, but it's not fair because tristan didn't deserve it

miles was so involved with tristan's treatment he probably knew the nurses, knew when to put the achilles boot on to stretch his tendons and when to switch it over to the other foot, knew when owen was coming home and remembered tristan's father had said he'd come but didn't, tried to cut him some slack but it was hard because in his experience fathers were just garbage

probably shared stories about tristan with mrs milligan, bonding and laughing across his body, holding a hand each, but still in the back of his mind remembering that tris' parents had been fighting a few years back and she was... a lot like his own mom tbh

probably _brought_ his own mom once, probably asked hunter if he wanted to come and hunter was accidentally a little rude saying no thanks but miles was cool about it because he's not like other brothers. he's a cool brother

probably had to ask frankie how to even order a cake for tristan's birthday, probably wondered if treatment laws changed now that he's 18

probably wished he could celebrate with tris so bad he slept in an uncomfortable plastic chair by his side after everyone else left, stayed all night and the nurses urged him to go home but he just  _couldn't_

probably said 'at least you'll be back by your nineteenth so i can hold you up when you get smashed on strawberry martinis or whatever stupid drink you fall in love with'

probably apologised for everything, cried a little over how he treated him, over the things he wanted to talk through but couldn't

probably found a comfortable position where he could write _and_ have his head rest in the curve of tristan's neck at the same time

probably went home one night and felt kinda stressed and jerked off thinking about him, cried after, and wondered if maybe he should just watch porn next time, wondered if that would even be okay with tris, faintly wondered whether he should try gay porn or at least stop watching lesbians every time but wasn't horny enough anymore to properly think about what he would want to watch and forgot

probably tried to believe staying positive and encouraging him was going to help him get through it because he’d read studies

probably touched his ring finger gently and whispered that he missed him, that he wanted him back more than anything in the fucking world

probably helped the nurses bathe him and move him to avoid bedsores, even though it was awkward, he touched him so gentle and loving

probably didn't leave when they changed his catheters because he wasn't supposed to be there after visiting hours but he wanted

to hold tristan's hand and tell him it was okay, knowing he might not be able to hear it or even register feeling it; he just had to be by his side. they'd asked him to leave the first few times but one day he just resolutely shook his head and steadfastly wouldn't put tristan's hand down

he probably brushed his teeth, clipped his nails, helped the nurses stretch and exercise him, helped out with changing bedsheets because he couldn't just sit there and watch and be useless but he also wasn't leaving despite visiting hours being over

he probably drew little patterns on tristan's skin, not saying anything for a half hour, hoping it comforted tristan more than it did him

probably played with his fingers endlessly, touched the hair sticking out of his bandage, stroked his eyebrows, pressed his lips to his skin

probably told tristan he was handling it okay, because until his abuser broke his hope he mostly had been, told him he felt strong and in control, told tristan he felt safe so he wouldn't worry, if he could hear him at all

but _god_  he couldn't handle not touching him, he couldn't fucking _wait_ until tris could make the choice to touch him

probably rested his hand on tristan's stomach and moved away because he remembered tris didn't like that, then rested his hand on his chest, trying to feel his heartbeat, knowing it was there but wondering if you could feel it on non-comatose people because he couldn't feel it on tristan

couldn't wait until tris could look at him, sometimes almost forgot how beautiful tristan's eyes were but he looked at pictures often enough to remember he loved the way he felt when tristan's eyes crinkled and his broad smile was _his_ and _because of him_

couldn't wait until tristan would tell him he loved him again, because those words meant so much more than they seemed to on the surface

he couldnt wait to see the way tristan's breathing picked up when he told him he loved him back, the way his body would angle closer to him

he missed tristan so much, all the little things he would do, the way he would squeeze his fingers when they were walking somewhere, the way

he would sit in his passenger seat and roll his head to the side to look at him at red lights, hoping for a kiss or just some eye contact

the way tris would flirt with him and slowly climb on top of him and tilt his head a little before kissing him deep, tasting of cherries

the way he could sense when miles wasn't okay and would gently intertwine his fingers around his own and look at him with safe, soft eyes

the way he was always willing to come over, go out, even to facetime when he was doing some weird face mask because he'd just laugh it off and feel comfortable

miles probably sat by tristan's side missing that one night when had tris stayed over, they'd made love, tangled their fingers in each other's hair and stared into each other's eyes like some B-list movie and they woke up the next morning and miles found a spare new toothbrush for tris and annoyed him by watching him brush his teeth because he was just so _cute_ , so put-together and level-headed but simultaneously adorable and somehow sexy and  _his_ and he knew that Tristan loved when he stared at him because then tris could ask why and miles would just say with a smile that he felt so lucky. he knew tris needed that affection sometimes and it wasn't really his style but he loved tris so fucking much he wanted to love him how he wanted to be loved


	54. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> move, i'm gay

miles playing soccer on weekends and tris is usually busy shooting and doing interviews and whatever but he manages to make it to the end of a game and miles comes off at the end of the game all sweaty and ughhh gross and panting and tris is smiling and miles sees him and grins so hard like holy shit tris is here!!

anyways miles walks over to him and they just kiss with their bodies pressed together and miles is super sweaty and covered in grass and mud and everything but tris doesn't care he's just so !!!!!! he pushes his body closer to miles' and miles pulls their hips together and tristan's right hand is in miles' wet hair and his other hand is on his wet neck

and miles pulls away still breathing heavy like 'i'm gross wyd' and tris is like 'i don't care' with a breathless smile and kisses him again and then zig is like 'get a room, fuckers' and takes a beer from a cooler and miles glances over at him super quick then back at tris and laughs bc he doesn't have fucking time to look at things that are not tristan

and he smiles and their bodies r still together bc that's ALL I EVER GIVE A FUCK ABOUT and tris is like 'oh is this okay'

(and what he means is 'is it okay that i'm... like... kissing you... here... in such a masc place... are you even out to these people are you safe oh god') 

and miles just kisses him again real sweet and soft and then tris tells him how proud he is!!! and how he played so well he was so fast and smart and HOT and he loves him and etc etc and tries to kiss him again but miles is like 'um i . uhh. i had better not get hard rn these shorts are..................' and tris notices all The Guys are drinking beer and before tris even realises he's about to worry about him drinking miles is like 'i don't' and tris is just So Fucking Proud and miles can Feel It he feels so !!!!!!!! loved and supported and it's the best feeling in the world to him


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hsfhgsgfsgh

wait but imagine miles taking tris out on a date to lola's and he's still having mood swings and can't enunciate that well and so he has a mood swing and starts yelling at miles and making a scene and crying loudly over literally nothing and miles is super gentle and like 'it's okay tris, i know, please try to calm down, you're okay' and tris is like 'why, am i emBARRASSING YOU' and miles is like 'you know i don't care about that stuff i just don't like when you're upset babe' and tris is still hysterical (i don't like that word bc it's not very feminist but whatever) and miles comes over to sit next to him and is all 'tell me what's wrong let me help you' i'm EMO


	56. Chapter 56

tris asking gently why miles didnt talk to him in 14a and miles is like it wasnt your fault it's not an issue anymore don't worry about it but tris is like well is there anything i could have done differently is there anything i can do now can i maybe help you work through anything because i want you to feel like uou can talk to me about anything and it breaks my heart that you felt so alone when i was trying so hard to be there for you and i know you must have had your reasons so i just want to understand and make sure you never go through that again but i don't want to force you to talk about this so i'll drop it and miles is like i'll think about it i just don't know what to tell you and tris is like ......... do you want me to go and miles is like ....... hesitating ..... thinking silent

so tris gets up to leave but miles says no stay and tris looks at him concerned and confused and miles is like 'i think i need you' so tris sits back down and puts his arm around miles which he never does bc that's what miles does but anyway miles is like 'i don't um. i don't like to think about him when you're not here wow that sounds stupid' and tris is like no of course not sweetie like bc he knows miles feels a grounding influence in tris and feels comfortable and home and all that good shit miles sits there for a minute

and eventually figures it out by just talking for ages about how he didnt want to tell tris bc he wanted an escape and he felt like they had never been just happy for long even back in paris he made tris feel bullied and when they were friends he was still hurting bc he was with maya and he just wanted some peace with tris while they worked things out with them and he didnt want his fucking dad to be a part of their relationship he had seen how it affected things with maya and he didn't want tris to see what happened and think it was his fault like he was scared he'd pull a maya and seem concerned but think it was miles' fault when he saw retaliation and he also didn't want tris to have to deal with it bc he had so much more baggage than tris knew when he went into it and has even more now and he hates hurting tris he never meant to he just wanted to keep everything sweet between them and hope everything else went away and resolved itself on its own like it always seemed to and plus he did half think it was all his fault at the time and so tris is like oh my god my baby no i would never think it's your fault i knew what it was like to have someone manipulate you and then let you blame yourself for it and he goes on about how he saw how many times miles tried to repair things and be good and start over and fix things in any way possible even running away and giving things up if it would help the people he loved but his dad didnt want to let go of the cycle

'honey i would never ever and i'm always here for you i _want_ to be here for you i don't care that our history isn't perfect i just want you to feel like you can tell me anything and if i can't handle it i'll tell you that but i'm good i'm here i love you i want to be your rock i don't want you to have to rely on people who treated you like what you went through was at all your fault i want to know every goddamn time you get a papercut i want to know all your hurt and help you through it like you do for me because you're a good person at heart you always try to do the right thing by other people and it sucks that your intentions don't work out and people get hurt but that's not because you're a bad person' and he just keeps comforting miles for like seventy hours and miles is sleepy so he curls up with tris and plays with his hair and says he loves him and thanks him for everything he said and they go to sleep the end


	57. Chapter 57

i just need 2 talk 2 someone about how tristan's ED plot had so fucking much potential but they just went 'nah’ but how good would it be if miles found a food diary in his room and stood there in shock feeling his heart drop feeling sick to his stomach until tris saw him with it and snatched it out of his hands oh god i just want miles to hold him while he cries about how his parents don't even notice and it consumes him and he compares himself to people like miles who are just naturally thin without having to work and restrict and obsess I JUST WANT HIM TO CRY

ok and what if miles had been hugged trying to score tickets to some musical tris said he wanted to see weeks ago and he comes home and tris smells perfume on him and asks if he's been with a girl and miles is like 'no oh my god no i just had to call in a favour from an old friend to get these please don't worry please' and tris is like 'it's not my birthday did you fuck up somehow why are you giving me these' and miles is like 'I was trying to show you I remember stuff you care about y'know like do nice things for no reason' and tris is still anxious but he pushes it down because he wants to melt instead and miles calls the girl with tris there but she doesn't know that tris is listening and he's like 'hey thanks again for those tickets; it was good to catch up with you' and she says stuff that's obviously just old-friendshippy and tris believes him finally awwwwww


	58. Chapter 58

if miles keeps saying shit to make tris hate him or not trust him and saying they should break up and then regretting it

and tris forgives him bc miles keeps promising he won't let his fears make him push tris away anymore and he has more control this time or whatever

but yeah so miles does that one day for like the dozenth time and tris is trying to calm him down like 'i know you usually want to keep us together and be better than this, please choose us please choose yourself and our happiness together i know you have the power to make the healthier choice' and he's crying but he is so strong my baby tristan

anyway so tris is trying to keep it together and remember that miles is gonna be genuinely sorry and treat him right when he calms down and that he implodes like this less often than he used to and he's just trying to ruin things on purpose bc of his core beliefs instilled by abuse but then miles says sth about yates and tris is like. no

and he goes home and miles is tryna tell himself that's a good thing and that them breaking up is better for tris but it hurts and he misses tris obviously bc he keeps making shit choices

and anyway miles calls like ten times but tris has turned off his phone bc he doesn't wanna deal with miles rn but miles comes to tristan's door and knocks and tris is ignoring him so he says he won't leave until he can at least apologise, he doesn't expect tris to take him back, he never expects that, but he knows he fucked up real bad this time so tris comes to the door and miles starts to talk but tris is like 'no.' and miles is like .........?? and tris just stays there for a second trying to keep himself together so he can say and 'no' again more resolutely and without his voice crumbling and he does and then he closes the door

oh my god

and so miles sits on the porch waiting for tristan's mom to come home and he's like 'mrs milligan please can i see him i know he's upset but -' and she's like hell no i am not getting involved go home

but why would he so he stays there all night and falls asleep but it's cold so mrs milligan brings a blanket out to him and anyway tris comes out the next morning like 'i have heard your apologies a thousand times; you have nothing new to say to me so if you really don't expect me to take you back then why the fuck did you stay here all night' and miles tries to be all 'i'll see my therapist five times a week i'll sign a contract about how to treat you right i'll do anything please let me show you i have never felt so bad about anything in my life' and tris is just like no get out of my way i have to get to school

so miles is like 'i'll give you a ride, we can talk' and tris just blanks him for like a week and now zoë hates him bc she was assaulted and when has she ever believed in him and winston hates him bc when has he ever thought anything even remotely positive about miles and hunter and frankie don't give a fuck bc when have his siblings ever cared about his emotional wellbeing so he's alone and devastated and basically all his bridges are burnt for good and idk maybe he dies or gets really fuckin high or something i just wanna see tris be strong and not petty


	59. Chapter 59

miles finding out he has sensitive nipples bc tris is like 'wait why do you have two ways [neck and thighs, fight me] to turn me into a desperate mess but you don't have anything sensitive? fuck that. i'm going all over your body, head to toe, bitch. we're going to find something' so he gets to miles' nipples and he arches his back and kinda moans and everything and tris is just like 'lmfao you almost just came' and miles is like 'fuck you no i didn't *shifty eyes*' and tries to get him back by touching his neck so they end up in like a weird sensual equivalent of a tickling war lmfao

OR OK LISTEN WHAT IF miles ends up on depression mood stabilisers that make him feel detached wrt love and sex but he _knows_ he loves tris and sex and he _knows_ why but he just struggles to get hard so tris is like 'the doctor said just stick it out for three months, we can get through this, don't feel bad baby, don't worry if you can't cum, we'll just make out and see if anything more happens okay?' or whatever he's super supportive and miles is upset bc he's not as passionate and excited as he wants to be and i cried in the car bc of this + listening to All of You but ok so they make out for like 8274230 hours and miles slowly uncertainly pulls tris on top of him and they make out some more and then miles is like wtf am i doing i just need to make him feel good and then he'll do hot things and then i'll cum ok cool easy peasy but he doESN'T and he gets a lil frustrated at himself and goes off to sulk for a bit and tris finds him after a few minutes and has a d &m as if they weren't communicating the whole time and miles feels better about it like 'can we maybe try again?' and tris is like 'oops i jerked off bc i didn't trust myself to come in here level headed' and i can't decide if miles gets sulky again or if he just laughs hysterically


	60. Chapter 60

im such trash i keep wanting miles to get a call that he has to go to the hospital bc his dad is dying and he's goes and he's like 'i'm just not ready to forgive you yet but... pull through and maybe we can get back to that day at the golf course, yeah? before it went bad.'

“Of course he’d hold grudges when I’m on my death bed,” Miles II laughs.

Miles grimaces, nodding and standing up to leave. “’s been swell.”

Tristan touches his arm in sympathy and Miles shakes his head almost imperceptibly and Tris backs off bc he knows Miles so well im cry

then his dad actually dies and he goes to the funeral bc frankie and hunter need him and he loves them and he takes tris for support bc it fuckin sucks to hear everyone praising the person that psychologically fucked him over, that chose to be in his life but made it hell

and then his grandma asks tris who he is and he says he's miles' partner tryna be respectful and stay out of the way and she reacts badly and miles is like let's go tris and then later they go back to the mansion for like food and chat and stuff

and miles and tris are sitting on the same couch holding hands staring at the ground solemnly and his grandma's like 'you two are sitting rather close? it's a bit disrespectful don't you think?' meanwhile frankie is draped over jonah's lap crying into his neck and miles is just like wtf absolutely fuck this in the ass and he drags tristan off like 'i'm not needed here' so he can go away and chill out because it hurts hearing not a bad word said about the man who chose to be in his life but psychologically damaged him and hunter comes outside following them and gets mad that miles is always leaving him and theres a huge fight abt how miles had a different experience w their dad and having to listen to people praise him fucking hurts and hunter’s like ‘you know what else fucking hurts? my dad being dead’ and miles just stares for a sec and then hugs him and they cry

And then later Tris does dishes to help out and miles’ grandma says he missed a spot and miles is like ‘don’t be rude grandma jesus christ’ and they decide to just go home after they finish the dishes together and they find out they both prefer to wash and they have to compromise on who has to dry lmao


	61. smfh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter fucking sixty one STOP ME

what if miles texted tristan the day after grad and says "can we still talk?" and tris leaves him on read for a bit while he changes his name from like "baby <3 to "Miles" and miles is like oh jeez i guess we're not even talking anymore wow fine whatever but then tris starts typing and he falls for him again and gets all on the hook and desperate for his attention and everything

and tris says "of course. i'll always be here for you, you know that" and while miles stares at that message considering saying 'but can we just talk about whatever too' tris sends another text that says "i was never really done, i'd never ever really decided to shut you out forever. i still want to know what's going on in your head so i can help. but maybe you should find someone else and teach them how to help you because i don't think it's the best idea for us to talk about that heavy stuff anymore."

and miles' heart is broken like wtf are these mixed signals "i just miss you, tris"

"i miss you too. but we did this for us. and we shouldn't get our hopes up like we're getting back together if we have a chance to meet up again."

miles is fucking crushed and he types "ok" but doesnt send it nah man instead he facetimes tristan 

tris declines and sends "why"

and miles just calls again and tris picks up and says "oli's in the room" before miles can say anything he would regret like idk what but he just wants to make sure miles is informed about the situation 

anyway

miles just ignores that and says "can't we do long distance?"

and tris is like "i - can't we text about this?"

and miles is like "no i wanna see your face, tris"

so trs is like mega sigh "we can't do long distance because we're both very physical people and it wouldn't work out and i'd get jealous and you'd miss me too much and it just..."

"i'd miss you anyway, tris."

"you -" he stops. "you deserve someone who can be with you. someone less fragile. this will be good for you, miles, you just need some time to get over me and -"

"six months i didn't get over you. then another six when you were in a coma. i can fly back for -"

and tris is like "ok but you went back to girls every time you missed me and couldn't have me. i - i - no. i don't mean girls i just mean _other_ girls, like other people, people who were just _there_. i can't handle that shit, miles, you need to understand -"

they keep interrupting each other until oli's like "you guys either need to cut each other out completely or get the fuck back together"

and tris takes a second and then says "oli's right."

and miles is like. shit. no i cant lose him and he says "please tris i still need you"

"i know"

"i can't fucking survive a new country and college and challenging hard work alone i need you"

"i know"

"please i - i can't lose you you're my rock you help me i need you"

"i know. we should get back together."

miles is like !!!! holy shit thank god fuck "oh my god"

tris is quick to say "we need to set ground rules. and we need good communication, none of that 'drop it, i'm fine' bullshit anymore, okay?"

miles is like "yes yes anything i don't care i just need you i just want you"

so tris is obviously like "you have to care i need you to actually know whether you can agree to this shit"

and they have a long ass talk where tris apologises for blaming miles for the breakup it was just easier if they both got angry at each other miles had been an angel and he's so so grateful for everything and miles is like babe it's ok i understand i know you didn't wanna hold me back you wanted me to get over u faster etc etc

and oli mediates a lil bit while they set ground rules and miles is like "can i come over tomorrow before i fly out" and tris wants soooo bad to say yes but he knows it'd be so hard to tear them apart and plus miles still hasn't packed bc he's disorganised af so he says no but miles does anyway lmao and y'all know they make out and promise each other the world and tell the other not to promise that but then they DOUBLE promise


	62. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> imagine me being.......... not like this lmao

ok so tris wants to reverse their dynamic for a night and so tris is in bondage being edged and denied and stuff and miles is trying to be cruel but he's a total softie he can't really get very far with it but suddenly tris realises he doesnt wanna be denied pleasure like yates denied him he never even touched his dick tris never once got to cum with yates he just used his body and told him he 'should probably go' immediately after

and anyway so now tris wants to cum right now immediately and he wants miles to want it and miles' acting was pretty bad but good enough to make tristan anxious that he secretly did like this and so he calls 'stop red i wanna cum' kinda sobbing and miles is like okay babe in his soft voice you know the one he used on hunter when he told him to put the gun down like he's being so gentle with his voice and starts jacking tris pretty fast and trying to undo the wrist cuffs with his free hand and tristan's hand flies to miles' arm that's freeing him he just wants to /touch/ he needs to touch and not so much /be/ touched and he starts crying but before miles can slow down and question him he quickly says 'keep going keep going please' and miles suddenly Gets It and starts telling him he didn't love the scene he just thought it was what tristan wanted but he wants tristan - and tris is like 'don't call me that' and miles Gets It Again bc yates called him that so he says ' 'm sorry tris. i want you to feel good, babe, i want you to cum, i love you, i want you to, okay? cum for me, tris' and he fiNALLY DOES he takes so long the poor darling 

and he keeps crying and miles lets him out of all the bondage and kisses him so sweet and brushes a hand over his hair and looks in his eyes and lies down next to him and apologises and tris is like 'you couldn't have known' but miles is like 'i'm sorry anyway' and wraps a protective arm around him or whatever the line is that every triles fic ever has about miles protectively holding him

AND THEN tris falls asleep and miles falls asleep too and tris is supposed to be home before curfew and his dad shows up at miles' house at like 11pm and tris says he's rly sorry but he cant come home he needs miles rn and THEN his dad starts getting all hoity-toity like 'if you wont obey the rules of my house you should have asked for full custody from your mother' and aggressively trying to Decide He's Leaving and miles gets triggered and tris is like well fuck i'm sure as shit not leaving now, diana i'm so sorry about this we just need to stay together right now and she tells mr milligan he should go and miles is goin fuckin nuts like shit he's gonna hate me forever ill never get his blessing to ask tristan to marry me and tris promises he'll tell his dad everything tomorrow and swears he fully believes he needs to stay with miles and miles is like no babe i have frankie and hunter if i need them i'll be okay dont make ur dad angry over me and tris is like he'll come around and his dad chimes in like not if you dont get your ass in my car right the hell now son and tris gets eerily quiet and calm and finally tells his dad he was raped

half naked in bed with miles and miles' mom there he told his dad everything and diana knew she should leave but miles is holding his hand while he cries and after everything tristans dad is like 'i think you should come home and we'll call your mother' and tristan just about loses his shit


	63. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> filth and angst from dms lmao

oh and the piece miles writes about what tris went through from his own perspective and the challenges and beautiful moments that come with loving someone who's experienced that kind of abuse

he turns it into spoken word and records it but wants to run it by tris first bc it's intensely personal and he doesn't wanna put it in if tris isn't happy with it

so tris is like this is your truth and it matters and it could help people but at the same time i don't yet feel ok with you publishing it given that you got it totally wrong not in the details but in how i felt about them. the confusion and complexity is the hardest thing, not the memories, it's the constant fluctuation between blaming myself for it all and being irreconcilably angry and scared and even more so because i know i'm going to switch back to blaming myself. it's a good piece and it's ready to be posted you did amazing it's finished it's correct for what it is which is art from your perspective but im worried i didn't explain it well enough to you bc you clearly don't understand when i thought you did you made it so basic when the main issue is how nuanced it was and also it has this feeling of speaking over me that im not comfortable with but i probably just need to sleep on it and i'll be fine about it (he was right)

then later miles writes a companion piece about how he did it wrong and how it feels to have made something you were proud of that's now inherently incorrect to you and wanting to change it but knowing it was artistically right the first time but also so wrong and leaves it as prose and publishes it and tris is so proud of him he absolutely STANS the piece

\------------

imagine miles being a cocky asshole all through tris putting him in bondage, saying how he can't wait for tristan inside him and all that, then tris just gets the dildo machine and miles is like nooooo :( but then how high miles would moan but then tris has just let it fuck him for like ten minutes and he's so desperate but he can't cum from it so he's whining and struggling and trying to move back but tris pulls him forward again by his hips and starts licking around his pelvis like making him pant rly hard but only teasing him like he doesn't actually get any closer but then miles is like 'oKAY i'm sorry i'm sorry please' and tris sucks him off and he's almost screaming when he cums y'all i'm so alive and then he fucks miles' mouth bc he's still in bondage and miles fucking loves that

wait. wait. tris making miles suck him off and he hasn't cum yet so he's really going for it then tris pulls out and finishes on his abs and miles is surprisingly turned on by it

\------------

but anyways so i was sad and thought ab them reuniting like. miles asks tris if they can talk bc his dad said some shit and they text all night and they just kinda. keep texting , a lot

and then like miles is coming home for christmas break or some shit and he asks if he can see tris and tris leaves him on read for like thirty seconds and miles is like !!!!!!!!!! fuck but then tris is like 'yeah i'd like that' and miles fist pumps

and they hang out and they're like. intense

u know how theyre intense always

and so tris cant decide if it means anything like

but miles is like annoyed that he would only talk to him in a public place and so he asks if they can go to his house and tris is like or mine? and miles is like !!!!excuse me what are these mixed signals do u wanna or not!!!!

and like they go back to tris' house and chat in his living room and his mom keeps coming in and offering them snacks and whatever bc she's a cool mom 

and tris kinda cant decide still and miles eventually says like this isnt fair can u just tell me what u want and tris blows up like I DONT KNOW and miles is . u know. wounded that he yelled

and tris apologises and holds his hand and shit and miles is like what the fuck is this

and they get back to 'normal' and start talking again about what they've been up to which they already knew but they can talk about literally anything 100 times theyre sweet and tristan's mom comes home and 

and they get rly close at one point but tris is like.. no...... my mom.... she could....,,

and miles is fucking Annoyed he wants to be w him so bad but why tf does he have to make excuses if he doesnt want that like when will tris just tell him and he starts saying shit like if u dont wanna do this then fucking say it like i wanna fight for each other but why r u Doing This what the fuckkkkk

and tris is like. im tired

and miles is like are u serious

'i'm tired'

'tris'

'miles are you listening to me'

'please'

and it's so extra like this super intense dramatic bullshit but eventually miles just gives up for the night and leaves

and calls tris in the morning but like tris doesnt answer so he goes to tristans house again and tris is like sigh what the fuck

but ya his mom invites him in bc she not-so-secretly loves him and it's ....... lmao.... they were besties dont lie

so he goes in and tris reluctantly hangs with him again and he says he doesnt wanna talk abt it bc he's a dramatic fuck

and miles is just like ok let's just actually talk ab why ur not talking to me then let's communicate and be healthy and shit and tris is like. melting

but eventually ya he admits he's scared and asks if theyre actually going to work out this time and miles is like i have been telling u this entire time that i want to fight for this no matter fucking what

and tris is like ok but im still scared we're gonna break each other's hearts like....... srsly

and miles gets rly close to him again and tris is like 'no' but miles kisses him anyway and they dont get any more intense it's just that and it's over in like two seconds literally and tris won't look at him it's so sad and miles knows he's gonna think that miles will think it's over bc he's watched too many teen soaps so miles stays and just like,, holds him u know what i mean he just sits next to him and it's like a *wattpad writer voice* silent promise

and tris just sits there a while and his mom comes back in and miles expects him to jump away but he doesn't and he's like :3 yes :3

and they end up together obviously

\------------

FUCKUFUKFKU UFCKUNFDFD UKF I WILL N E V E R EVER EVERRVEVR ERVREVEV RE GROW OUT OF THE HC THAT TRIS CAN'T BOTTOM FOR YEARS BC OF TRAUMA AND MILES LOVES IT SO IT'S FINE how am i supposed to just drop yates and his ED and his parents and his insecurities and his destructive defence mechanisms like idk how people accept loss like this

ok so tris is working through his fear of bottoming and they've fingered a couple of times before

they're making out and tris is on top and they're just in boxers and miles asks 'how far you wanna go?' and tris thinks for a sec and sighs 'i want you inside me' and kisses miles again and miles is a flirty fuck like 'mm? what part of me?' and tris breathes 'your cock, asshole' a lil bit annoyed bc he's starting to reeeeally like it and he kisses miles (who grins under his mouth) and grips miles' cock from outside his briefs and miles lets out the most embarrassing moan

and tris is like 'you know i'm ready' and he IS

\------------

but like imagine they're going to have sex like normal and then miles guides tristan's fingers to his own ass and tris is like "whoa, what?" all concerned and like 'shouldn't we talk about this are u sure' type thing and miles is like "it's okay; i've been practicing" and tris knows he doesn't need quite as much caution wrt consent as tris does like they don't need to talk about it for days they can just

And so he does and he's never cum so hard before especially since they miraculously managed to cum simultaneously so miles is on top of him and he's too weak to hold himself up properly so his lips are just kinda resting on tristan's but he's breathing rly heavy and it's so fucking intimate and hot and tris putshis hands on the sides of miles' waist and miles hums and rolls off and starts laughing and moaning at the same time like idk how to describe but anyway that's a canon compliant headcanon

\------------

wow ive bn thinking a TON about tris admitting himself to hospital bc ED and lISTEN IT'S PAINFUL BUT IT'S WORTH IT  
imagine how broken he would sound when he walks in with miles and says "don't let them let me leave"  
and how hard it would be for miles to have to leave him there overnight until visiting hours

\------------

miles relapses one night at a bar and comes home to tris the next morning ,tris was worried SICK 

tris is like honey it's okay we're okay you're going to be okay come inside

but miles

says

i cheated, tris

and he can't look at tristan  
tristan can't look at him

basically tris tells him to come in and they can talk bc he was intoxicated so he wants to forgive him but it's So HARD like of course it's hard

so miles tells him he doesn't remember everything, he went in for a drink and then he was dancing with someone and then he was on E and then he was walking back home

basically idgaf anymore tris thinks he banged someone but miles is liike what no no we just grinded and made out and then dsomeone offered us E and then they got distracted and wandered off and then he was high and then he wa walking home right

So tris is like ok s o it didn't go that far i guess......... but at what point did this start how many drinks had you had

and miles was like idk four"? five?,, and tris is mad at himself for being RELIEVED that miles was drunk but anyways miles is just apologising all the fuck over the place promising never again and all that and tris shushes him and says he needs some space to think and he wants to stay in the apartment while he does that and for miles to go hang with his siblings or something and miles won't go and tris starts raising his voice like 'i really need to process this can you please just get out'

and miles is like 'at least it was a guy'

and tris is like. what. what the fuck. 'fuck you' and there has never been so much intensity in any words ever spoken in all of history so miles finally leaves and tris just sits on his couch and stares at a wall and cries for like an hour straight

 

\------------

ok so miles goes to hunter's room and asks if they can talk sometime he's not busy (hunter is gaming and miles takes that to mean he is busy) and turns out he came to apologise to hunter for not respecting his gaming and interests and introversion and pushing him to do things he didn't wanna do even after he promised to be a better brother and stop being a bully

so hunter's like wow thank you. we're cool. and anyway he asks if there's anything he could do to be more supportive, if hunter has any beef about miels not picking up on his feelings or anything and hunter somehow opened up and said 'i like tris.' and miles is laughing a bit like 'uh, good, me too? (?????)' and hunte'rs like. 'no. i mean i like him.' and he won;t look at miles but he still doesn't seem ashamed it's like. idk. they both see it as a mutual trust/respect thing,

miles is like ......?? ,,,,??? and softly says 'oh god hunter i'm so sorry'  
and hunter's like yeah

and he starts trying to help like 'tristan isn't perfect you know he has a lot of issues just like we do he's pretty fucked up' and hunter's like ....... lol isn't everyone tho

and miles is like fair enough. 

and they're quiet for a minute then miles is like 'you know, tristan has a lot of respect for you-' and hunter cuts in like 'don't - don't do that. please don't'

and anyway later the hollingsclan and tris and shay and lola all are having pizza together idk and miles takes tris aside and asks him to tone down the schmoop and be a little less touchy and says it's frankie like she's really sad and lonely and he doesn't wanna hurt her

and tris is like oh of course oh jeez that's awful i'm sorry yes i will absolutely keep it together for the poor darling

so then tris and miles go up to miles' room and tris starts like tearing miles' clothes off like 'fuck i missed you' he's so extra

and miles is kinda hesitant bc he feels bad that he lied to tris and tris is like ok what's going on cus i'm feelin kinda rejected here

and miles is all 'you know i wouldn't keep anything from you iif i didn't absolutely have to, right? it's just not my thing to tell i'm sorry' and tris is like so you're hiding something??? hhhhhhhhhhhh

and miles is like no listen ok i'm just trying to do the right thing by (an almost imperceptible pause) her 

and tris is like ok i believe u i trust you just tell me if i need to know anything ok? and miles promises with all his lil heart

and then tris is walking to the kitchen to get water and he overhears frankie saying how she's she's literally having the time of her life being single and he goes back to miles like 'uh ??? so it was a straight up lie??' and miles just begs him to drop it he can't tell him this secret

and tris concedes and just asks 'is everyone safe?' and miles is like oh yeah it's not that kind of secret babe everything will be ok i'll tell you... i guess when it's over?' and tris nEVER FINDS OUT

\------------

OK SO WHAT IF tris and miles get back together while miles is in london and theyre cute for three years until miles comes home n gets a job he loves in toronto and it's so great until tris says he wants to audition for a cool pilot filming in toronto as a pan character with a physical disability and miles is like 'wow yeah go for it!!!!!! i'm so proud of you holy shit tris that's really cool'

and tris is so nervous the day he's about to go, he's standing in front of the mirror and miles snakes his arms around his waist and says 'ur gonna do great babe your audition brings something to the character that just fucken _pressurises_ life into him and it's unexpected but still within what they're looking for u!!! got this babe!!!' and tris is wearing a white band tee and faded black jeans and that is important information because he is hot and on an unrelated note he gets the role and is so excited and relieved that he can still act even with the muscle stuff but after they film the pilot he's told they're relocating to LA

and he tells miles this during sex and miles is like 'what the fuck - get the fuck - why the fuck would you - jesus, tris, why would you do this right now'

and they stop and have a long talk and tris is like 'i have to do this for my career and my soul it's my chance at my dream role and i'm good enough and i'm finally not being typecast and my character is really going to make a difference i know it! just like you knew your work was important enough to move for'

and miles is like 'yes you... should go... :( but i love my job too :('

and tris is like 'hey we've survived long distance before' and miles is like 'ya but it wasnt fuckin fun'

anyway tris makes tons of time for him when he's over there, literally tells him all about LA and says he'll hook him up if he ever wants to get into the tv biz and facetimes him _minimum_ twice a week, comes home twice in four months and they make out the entire weekend and have amazing sex and just enjoy their skin being together and oh god i forgot the best part

they're flirting light heartedly on imessage one night and tris asks 'okay if i send you a video?'

and miles is like 'yeah i guess? what is it'

and tris says 'i trust you'

and miles is like '??'

and the video is like waist down, he's kneeling with his legs spread and he's milking himself with a dildo, occasionally slowly stroking his cock and rocking his hips forward a little sometimes and he's fucking dripping and at one point he squeezes more precum out from the underside and u can hear him shakily breathing and super quietly moaning and miles watches the whole thing before responding

'thats the hottest fucking thing ive ever fucking seen'

and tris sends another video, in the same place but he cums, but he doesn't touch his cock and u can see him gripping something idk sheets or furniture idk he's trying real hard not to touch his cock while he cums just using the dildo and his shuddering breaths show it too (miles suspects he's just always quieter when he's alone but he knows miles gets off on hearing him moan which is why he's a little more vocal when they fuck)

and miles was already jacking off to the first one but he cums with tris the first time he watches the second one and calls tris and tris is like 'hey' all casual

and miles is like still panting 'what the, fuck, was that' and tris says 'it seemed like a good idea at the time' and he doesn't sound like he regrets it; more like he's not turned on by it anymore bc he came

and miles tells him How Fucking Hot it was and how he doesn't deserve someone So Fucking Hot and tris is like 'your turn next time. just not while i'm at work ;)' and miles breathes like 'fuuuuck'

i think 'next time' miles would be like very vocal and say tristan's name and he'd be gently jerking off with a ribbed sound in his cock pressing and feeling along the length of it from the outside of his cock like he wouldn't move it or anything he'd just be still marvelling at how it's even possible to have something so good inside him and he'd take it so slow he'd send like six videos before tris texts 'oh my god just cum already lmao'


	64. Chapter 64

what if miles texted tristan the day after grad and says "can we still talk?" and tris leaves him on read for a bit while he changes his name from like "baby <3" to "Miles" and miles is like oh jeez i guess we're not talking then fine whatever but then tris starts typing and he falls for him again and gets all on the hook and desperate for his attention and everything and tris says "of course. i'll always be here for you, you know that" and while miles stares at that message considering saying 'but can we just talk about whatever too' tris sends another text that says "i was never really done, i'd never really decided to shut you out forever. i still want to know what's going on in your head so i can help. but maybe you should find someone else and teach them how to help you because i don't think it's the best idea for us to talk about heavy stuff anymore."

and miles' heart is broken like wtf are these mixed signals "i just miss you, tris"

"i miss you too. but we did this for us. and we shouldn't get our hopes up like we're getting back together if we have a chance to meet up again."

miles is fucking crushed and he types "ok" but doesnt send it nah man instead he facetimes tristan 

tris declines and sends "why"

and miles just calls again and tris picks up and says "oli's in the room" before miles can say anything he would regret like idk what but he just wants to make sure miles is informed about the situation 

anyway

miles just ignores that and says "can't we do long distance?"

and tris is like "i - can't we text about this?"

and miles is like "no i wanna see your face, tris"

so trs is like mega sigh "we can't do long distance because we're both very physical people and it wouldn't work out and i'd get jealous and you'd miss me too much and it just..."

"i'd miss you anyway, tris."

"you -" he stops. "you deserve someone who can be with you. someone less fragile. this will be good for you, miles, you just need some time to get over me and -"

"six months i didn't get over you. then another six when you were in a coma. i can fly back for -"

and tris is like "ok but you went back to girls every time you missed me and couldn't have me. i - i - no. i don't mean girls i just mean other people, people who were just there. i can't handle that shit, miles, you need to understand -"

they keep interrupting each other until oli's like "you guys eiter need to cut each other out completely or get the fuck back together. you can't continue like this." 

and tris takes a second and then says "oli's right."

and miles is like. shit. no i cant lose him and he says "please tris i still need you"

"i know"

"i can't fucking survive a new country and college and hard work alone i need you"

"i know"

"please i - i can't lose you you're my rock you help me i need you"

"i know. we should get back together."

miles is like !!!! holy shit thank god fuck "oh my god"

tris is quick to say "we need to set ground rules. and we need good communication, none of that 'drop it, i'm fine' bullshit anymore, okay?"

miles is like "yes yes anything i dont care i just need you"

so tris is obviously like "you have to care i need you to actually know whether you can agree to this shit"

and they have a long talk and oli mediates a lil bit and miles is like "can i come over tomorrow before i fly out" and tris wants soooo bad to say yes but he knows it'd be so hard to tear them apart and plus miles still hasn't packed bc he's disorganised af so he says no but miles does anyway lmao


	65. Chapter 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last one for tonight lmao

ok so   
miles is in london and sometimes (all the time) he texts tris to talk about stuff he's going through bc tris is still his rock lmao aw

but one day tristan texts miles out of the blue for once like 'can i talk to you'

and miles responds instantly 'of course' and then immediately keeps typing 'what's up?'

tris asks 'are you busy?' and miles says 'no' and tris doesn't respond so miles send a selfie from his bed and says 'i'm really not'

tris leaves him on read (but saves the pic bc he's still into him lmao) and miles texts again 'talk to me'

tris says 'don't worry it really doesn't matter i promise' but obviously miles is like 'come on' 'even if it doesn't matter i still care'  
and tris is like 'it's heavy. i don't want to put this on you. i'll find someone else who can handle it don't worry about it seriously i'm sorry'  
miles keeps prompting him to talk and ends up calling him and tris answers bc he thinks if he says 'it's fine, i promise' convincingly enough that miles will drop it but lol no

so he hangs up bc miles doesn't wanna let it go and miles calls him back and he declines three times but by the fourth time it's getting annoying so he picks up to yell at him but miles says 'i still care about you, tris. i know it was always about me with us but i want to listen now. please. talk to me.'

tris says 'are you sure you can do this? some people can't handle heavy stuff and that's okay' 

and they end up talkin about rly deep stuff


	66. sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cw: ed

oh but wait what if instead tris got to LA for a dream role and the directors and producers and whatever were like 'ok so we'll need you to lose about ten pounds by the end of next month' and tris is like 'wait what' and they're like 'oh yeah your character's going to have an eating disorder' and tris is like 'ok well hang on /i/ actually have an eating disorder' and they're like 'great! you can use that!' and he's like ??? what the fuck is this disgusting - 'no - i - i can't lose any weight. i love this role so much but not to death, i can't do that i'm sorry.'

and they're like 'ok well can you gain some before we reshoot the pilot and then lose it around block three?'

and he's like 'no. i genuinely can't. i'm sorry. i can't safely change my weight, i'm on an eating plan and if i change it around i'll slip. i know my limits, and i can't do this for you, i'm really sorry. i wish i could but i have to take care of myself.'

so there're like four people in the room and there's a woman who looks concerned but stays quiet and the other three are White Men™ and one of them says 'we really don't want to have to recast the part.' 

and tris is gettin g pissed off now like 'so you'd rather i passed out on set or had a heart attack? i guess i thought this project was supposed to be supportive of mental health issues but you can't even look after your own cast? there's make up, there's prosthetics, fat suits, bulky clothes - i'm not risking my life no matter how much i love what we're doing.'

they just frown at him and another one is all 'we understand this is a difficult situation and if there's anything we can do to support you while you lose -'

and tris just stands up and walks the fuck out and calls miles and starts crying and he can't even explain he's crying so hard so miles is like 'do youn eed me to come to you?' note this is a five hour flight and tris knows this and he says 'yes' and miles is like grabbing his wallet and running to his car and shit and he keeps calling and texting tris when he lands but he won't answer so he goes to tristan's apartment and knocks and calls his phone again

and he knows where the spare key is so he walks in and finds him with chocolate and fast food wrappers all over the place and tris is crying and trying to tidy up but miles stops him and hugs him tight and tris fucking sobs 'if i don't lose weight i'm fired so i have to gain it and then lose it' and miles is like speechless he's just like 'oh god tris that's awful honey i'm so sorry' and for like an hour they sit on tristan's bed feeling things and eventually tris tells him everything that happened and miles is like 'let's sue them' and tris is like 'um shut the fuck up no i want this job more than anything i'll just have to gain a bunch and then lose it again as safely as i can i'm just feeling like fucking garbage right now and i expect changing my nutrition is going to make me feel gross and tired and shit' and miles is like 'ok well i'm staying here then.' and tris obviously tries to fight but miles just says 'you need me.' and tris knows he's right and he feels terrible but also not completely terrible bc at least they can hold hands which miles will never admit he LOVES

and long story short (there's no long story tbh) miles moves to LA to support tris bc the role is very emotionally demanding at first but then it's fine as the character recovers but by then miles loves LA and has Connections and gets a job at something like buzzfeed but less shit maybe like seriously.tv and they move in together it's way cute


	67. war cw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wasnt going anywhere w this i just started Thinking /

ive been watching jericho so naturally i imagined miles and tris home for christmas at the mansion (they live in LA where tris is an up-and-coming Act-or and while m2 and diana are out theyre playin board games just frankie tris and miles bc hunter doesnt wanna do that shit and FOR ONCE everyone respects that and they let him hang in his room and anyway they're havin a great time, miles n frankie are being all competitive and tris is watching all warm inside

then zoë calls tris in a frenzy asking if he's ok, he's like 'yeah zo i'm fine i'm fine what's wrong' and she tells him a huge bomb went off in LA and he's like guys shut up n turns on the tv and flips to the news and there's reporters talking about how LA and DC and NY and tons of big US cities were bombed

and frankie's whispering oh my god... oh my god  
tris is in shock his career is gone his life there 99% of his friends are gone he's 5 seconds away from crying  
miles comes over to hold tris n he's staring at the tv sickened at himself for the thought that at least maya's probably dead and not slipping because of the tragedy

suddenly bombs start to go off nearby and frankie screams and they huddle together on the floor and miles is like trying to protect their bodies squeezing his eyes shut thinking 'hunter hunter hunter' and one goes off REALLY CLOSE it shatters a couple windows and frankie is praying desperately tris is just shaking with glassy eyes and miles says 'they won't strike twice in the same place they'll go further away it's okay we'll be okay'

the reporter stops and says 'fuck' before the tv turns to static and tris starts crying

they start to get quieter and further away and frankie is gripping one of tristan's hands tight and one of miles' hands and they're both gently squeezing back

tris whispers 'what do we do?'

miles takes a deep breath and says 'we wait another minute to be safe and then we go get hunter'

frankie lets out a sob and lets go of miles' hand to cover her mouth and she doesnt know why miles' hand and not tristan's and she doesn't think much of it and neither do they but it's just bc it was her dominant hand

tris whispers 'then what?' and miles sets his jaw and says 'either... we lock down or we scavenge. we might be on our own for a while.'

tristan and frankie look at him in pure terror and miles continues 'text your friends now. power might go out soon.'

'and say what?' frankie doesn't know why she's still whispering, or more accurately, whisper-shrieking, or why she was whispering at all.

'tell 'em you're okay and you love 'em.' miles stands up, solemn.

'well - can't we invite them here?'

miles tersely says 'no.'

tris touches his arm gently and miles sighs.

'it's not safe. we might get low on food, franks. we might be on our own for a while. we might have to... defend ourselves. we have to be careful. think rationally.'

'they're probably half dead anyway! you heard!' she gestures aimlessly around, then shakes her head, fearfully exhaling. 'i don't care.'

she gets her phone out of her pocket. miles tries to grab it off of her, but tris pushes him back with his whole body, pulling his hands down with his own, and locking their fingers together.

'let's go check on hunter, okay?'

miles finally pulls his gaze away from frankie, frustrated and concerned, and makes eye contact with tris. he's calmed. he nods, and after a moment, he starts off to hunter's room.

tris picks up his phone, abandoned on the floor, and checks his recents to calls zoë back while they walk up to hunter's room. tristan waits as it dials, crumbles slightly when it rings out, and swallows roughly. he turns the brightness down and closes all his apps, switches off silent, and pockets his phone as they round the corner.

'hunter? you okay?' miles calls as they get closer. 'we're all okay; can you hear us?'

'i'm trapped in here; you have to kick it in'

miles glances at the cracked wall around the doorframe and mentally kicks himself for not noticing

'uh... ye- okay, stand back'

he kicks open hunter's door and hunter steps out to a tight bear grip from miles.

'shay's okay!' frankie exclaims, running up the corridor. 'she's staying with her parents though; her dad was a boy scout coach or something. lo hasn't responded yet.'

miles and tris share a look of guilty relief as miles steps back from hunter.

'so what's the plan?' hunter asks, rather non-chalantly, mildly offending frankie.

'i think we stay here and defend. i don't know the extent here, but they got the big US cities and I think they were nuked. i doubt these were, though.'

'shit. NY?'

'yeah.'

'fallout could be bad. we gotta protect the house.'

'couple windows are busted but we can tape the doors down -'

frankie interjects 'how the fuck do you guys know this much about nuclear bombs?'

'video games' they reply simultaneously, and tristan almost smiles.

hunter takes a steady breath. 'okay. so we gotta duct tape ourselves in. leave no door frame uncovered. trash bags over the windows, and collect as much water as we can. we gotta bring food in, maybe books, candles - frankie, do you still have that phone charger that runs on batteries? we might need that. we have about two hours before the fallout reaches us. half life should be safe after minimum twelve hours, but after that don't touch anything exposed. got that?'

miles touches hunter's shoulder. 'bud, this is great, you're doing great, but tris and frankie are kind of in shock right now so we need to break it down for them. tris and i'll fill buckets of water from the laundry and bring them back here, and some food too. hunter's room has no windows so it's safest here. frankie, you're on candles, your charger and batteries. '

'okay. got it'

and basically idk what happens after that i like to think foreign aid comes and the war is won real quick and tris' family are ok but diana and m2 are gone


	68. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love thinking ab tris in LA and miles supporting him (ED cn)

no listen, ok so tris comes home one night after miles moved to LA bc of that rly hard role that deals with eating disorders and he had that Breakdown and miles didnt wanna leave him alone so he moved but found an awesome job he loves with super flexible hours ok yeah anyway

so miles is like 'hey babe how was your day' and tris is like 'not too good actually but idwt talk about it' and miles is like 'i have a surprise for you' and tris is like 'babe please not now, i cant go out tonight, i dont wanna think ab new sex toys or whatever' and miles is like 'i think ur gonna like it' and tris gives a weary smile

and miles produces a bag of lush bath bombs and tells tris he's making his fave for dinner and he'll leave him alone and let him relax and tris is like about to cry it's so sweet

he goes over and gives miles the sweetest kiss and presses their foreheads together and obviously miles pulls their hips together bc he can't help himself but it's not intended to be sexual and tris knows that he still gets in real close and whispers 'can you suck me off real nice later?'

and miles grins and says 'it would be my absolute pleasure' and kisses tris and goes to the kitchen to start making dinner

and tris has a nice soft bath with like eight bath bombs that he plans the colours out really carefully first and puts some on his insta and snap stories with captions like ‘my boyfriend is fucking amazing’ and he’s listening to like agnes obel or aurora or some pretty white european shit and puts his phone down and just chills the fuck out

then he takes a Hot pic from the bath and snaps it to miles (who screenshots bc he's That Asshole but he would never actually share anything and in any case he immediately chats back 'fuck' 'i love you' 'you're so hot' 'fuck i love you so much fuck') and tris gets out of the bath eventually and puts on his comfiest clothes

and goes to the kitchen and kisses miles real sweet and leans against the counter watching miles cook bc he's soooo cute the way he smiles glancing up at him and sometimes kisses him and tris is also cute with his hoodie sleeves too long and his lil fingers just peeking out and his wet curly hair and he smells amazing and he occasionally helps grab things miles needs like plates but also miles silently gets tris to taste the sauce or something and tris silently hands him the salt from behind him

then they eat in almost silence except tris is occasionally like 'this is fucking amazing' or (softly) 'i love you' (and miles says it back just as soft) and tris realises miles has been trying so hard not to make any noise he didn't playing his cooking music (yes he's a dork who has a cooking playlist) and he did all the loud chopping and whatever before tris got out of the bath and he's trying to be super quiet

and tris just gets so overwhelmed he cries and miles is like 'oh shit babe was ur day that bad?' kinda thing and tris is like 'no you are so good you are so pure an angel too good for this world fukckkx!!!'

so then they are happy together for a bit then they go to bed intending to fuck but instead they end up just lying there and touching innocently like playing with fingers and hair and just making eye contact then they start kissing and tris is down so he's like 'so how about that blowjob'

and god miles is so gentle somehow even though he ends up deepthroating he's doing it softly and tris just about falls in love with miles' tongue and miles and tris both know it's ok if he doesn't get miles off this time and he would do the same if miles was having a hard time and so it's all cool and the next day he wakes up and goes to work so refreshed feeling so calm and loved and good that they gotta tell him to act sadder lmao


	69. lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is uh. this is @triles' fault

ok so miles goes to hunter's room and asks if they can talk sometime he's not busy (hunter is gaming and miles takes that to mean he is busy) and turns out he came to apologise to hunter for not respecting his gaming and interests and introversion and pushing him to do things he didn't wanna do even after he promised to be a better brother and stop being a bully

so hunter's like wow thank you. we're cool. and anyway he asks if there's anything he could do to be more supportive, if hunter has any beef about miels not picking up on his feelings or anything and hunter somehow opened up and said 'i like tris.' and miles is laughing a bit like 'uh, good, me too? (?????)' and hunte'rs like. 'no. i mean i like him.' and he won;t look at miles but he still doesn't seem ashamed it's like. idk. they both see it as a mutual trust/respect thing,

miles is like ......?? ,,,,??? and softly says 'oh god hunter i'm so sorry'   
and hunter's like yeah

and he starts trying to help like 'tristan isn't perfect you know he has a lot of issues just like we do he's pretty fucked up' and hunter's like ....... lol isn't everyone tho

and miles is like fair enough. 

and they're quiet for a minute then miles is like 'you know, tristan has a lot of respect for you-' and hunter cuts in like 'don't - don't do that. please don't'

and anyway later the hollingsclan and tris and shay and lola all are having pizza together idk and miles takes tris aside and asks him to tone down the schmoop and be a little less touchy and says it's because of frankie like she's really sad and lonely and he doesn't wanna hurt her

and tris is like oh of course oh jeez that's awful i'm sorry yes i will absolutely keep it together for the poor darling

so then tris and miles go up to miles' room and tris starts like tearing miles' clothes off like 'fuck i missed you' he's so extra

and miles is kinda hesitant bc he feels bad that he lied to tris and tris is like ok what's going on cus i'm feelin kinda rejected here

and miles is all 'you know i wouldn't keep anything from you iif i didn't absolutely have to, right? it's just not my thing to tell i'm sorry' and tris is like so you're hiding something??? hhhhhhhhhhhh

and miles is like no listen ok i'm just trying to do the right thing by (an almost imperceptible pause) her 

and tris is like ok i believe u i trust you just tell me if i need to know anything ok? and miles promises with all his lil heart

and then tris is walking to the kitchen to get water and he overhears frankie saying how she's she's literally having the time of her life being single and he goes back to miles like 'uh ??? so it was a straight up lie??' and miles just begs him to drop it he can't tell him this secret

and tris concedes and just asks 'is everyone safe?' and miles is like 'oh yeah it's not that kind of secret babe everything will be ok i'll tell you... i guess when it's over?' and tris nEVER FINDS OUT


	70. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im ssoft

wait but i cant stop thinkin ab parent!miles bein all 'tris i think we should give her the talk' and tris is like '?? she's eight??' and miles would be like 'yeah but what if she starts puberty early i think maybe we should just make sure she knows what's going on a while beforehand?' and tris is like 'hhhhh ok but im Not Prepared' and miles would be all 'yeah well i think maybe to avoid feeling confronted we should just do it one on one like just one of us and have a bonding day and get some snacks and make her comfortable for a nice chat or somethin'

and tris is like 'yeah ok but i feel like it should be u since u seem like u have it under control?' and miles is like 'well u could if u want i dont mind either way'

and tris is like 'i dont wanna be a dick but i still cant talk ab ... *chokes* vaginas... idek what they look like u probably know more ab the subjects of hetero sex AND girl on girl sex and all the other stuff so maybe yeah u would be better'

and miles is like 'aight i'll do it tomorrow then' and tris is like wow yep ok then it's happening

and so miles and their daughter (who they raised pretty gender neutral but she's a girly girl anyway) have this nice day when they get dad-daughter brunch and watch a movie she wanted to watch and miles spends the whole day with her having fun while tris takes their other younger kid to the dentist and buys him school clothes and idk they just chill 

and in the afternoon miles says he wanted to talk to the daughter ab somethin and she's like 'oh jeez is this The Talk' and he's like 'you know ab the talk?'

and she's like 'i don't know it all but i've heard it's gross :///' and he's like 'ok tell me what you've heard then' and they have this rly cute discussion and he gets out an illustrated book and tells her all ab everything and is rly consent oriented he's so sweet with her and they raised their kids to ask questions and be curious and so the daughter asks so many questions and they get into miles' sexuality and how he knew and his past partners and tris' nonmonophobia and all this cool stuff that he's so open with her ab and she's like 'so when will i know what i am? how can i figure it out faster? and he's like uh well ?? u just kinda ?? figure it out over time ? i guess? experimenting SAFELY VERY SAFELY and NOT UNTIL YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH AND READY but u can always talk to me okay?'

and tris comes home and she asks him questions too ab what his sex ed was like and how he knew he was gay and all this cute stuff and he's honest ab not knowing as much ab traditionally female bodies as other people but he promises to learn and always be there for her too 

and then like six years later she comes to them and is like 'i dont wanna be asexual but i think i am and it's annoying bc i just wanna be a fucking lesbian bc girls are so lovely' and miles suggests she might be elsewhere ace spec and she's like 'hm yr right maybe i'll date a bit and see if anything happens' and they have a group hug


	71. aw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more angsty/cute shit (cw EDs, alcohol) wow i rly love coming back to this and reading soft triles

i keep thinking ab drunk tris coming home after his last day on set bc his character dies from starvation and it was really hard to film and he starts swearing at miles for asking him to eat something and miles pretending he didnt call an ambulance for him bc he hasn't eaten in god knows how long and they just sit together and miles holds him while he tries to cry but cant and when tris hears the paramedics at the door he shoves miles in anger while snarling at him hella drunk and then he ends up in hospital and miles cant handle him being so rude and making him feel unsafe and like he might try to hurt him again physically or emotionally so he talks to the doctors who say his BAC is .22 theyre gonna have to rehydrate him with a banana bag and shit and miles is freaking out like i cant do this i need to go home and take care of myself and i dont think me being here is helping anyone so im gonna go and he goes back in to say goodbye to tris and tris is clingy and like mad at him like you cant leave me here why would you do this to me and miles is like trying really hard to hold it together and he says he'll be back at 7am by which time tris would be hungover probably and too grumpy and not wanna wake up and miles knows that so he arranges for them to let him in and just let him sit with tris n quietly hold his hand while he grumbles at him fuck off and then he gets help and stuff

 

* * *

 

 

ok but on miles' birthday tris makes sure he sleeps over so miles gets to be in his own bed but next to tris and he sets his alarm quietly but super early and apologises when it goes off and pretends to go back to sleep but doesn't, meanwhile miles Actually goes back to sleep and tris wakes him up way later with a really slow teasing blowjob and then hops on the dick all stretched and ready to go which they'd only done like four times before but tris whispers like 'i promise' meaning he promises he's ok and he's not pushing himself just bc it's miles' birthday bc they basically communicate without words in my head but whatever and then they fuck passionately with lots of kissing and lots of rolling bodies together and then they shower together and tris at some point has ordered miles' fave takeout for breakfast somehow and miles is just like. fuck. i have the actual best boyfriend. Ever

 

* * *

 

ok so famous!miles comes home one night while famous!tris is live on insta and tris is like hey babe how are you etc and miles is a bit cold to him and pushes tris off when he comes to kiss him and then tris is hurt but hides it and says he knows miles will come talk to him later when he's feeling okay and not to jump on him he's obviously going through something tough right now etc

and miles gets changed and waits til tris stops vidding and comes back out and finds tris on the couch and just sits next to him and says 'i'm sorry' and tris is like 'hey it's okay just tell me what's going on' and it 's so c u te and miles is like 'i just had a bad day. i don't wanna talk about it though' and tris is like okay that's okay and they just sit there and so miles tweets from tristan's phone that he was sorry and they caught him at a stressful time and he's apologised to tris and etc

and then they just sit there and tris holds miles and he closes his eyes n nuzzles into tristan and after a minute he says 'i'm not sad; i'm just... unwinding' and tris is gently scratching into miles' scalp bc he loves that he's basically a dog lmfao anyway tris speaks all soft like 'mkay. this good?' referring to the scalp thing and miles is like 'mmm. so good.' and starts playing with the fingers on tristan's other hand im so soft they're so soft


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